Happy Leap Year Day! I’d normally hate an extra day in the winter months, but the weather is looking fairly decent with a high of 41 degrees, so I’ll shut up about it this time. Take note of that Leap Year 4 years from now.
I saw the movie, Race yesterday. It’s a true story based on the African American track athlete, Jesse Owens, who had to survive being a talented black athlete in 1930s American idiocy and also survive being a black athlete at the 1936 Berlin Olympics with the Hitler regime horror of horrors. He had obstacles put on him from every angle, and yet he rose to every occasion… shut them all up… put his head down and pushed his way to glory. What got to me most was his ability to tune out everything… all of the negative hate-filled people who were nothing more than noise and distraction… to get to his ultimate goal of greatness. It was a great flick. I’d recommend it.
It got me thinking about my worst enemy of all time… myself. That enemy seems to be working overtime of late… hacking away at every moment of pride and self-worth I’ve ever tried to let myself feel. It’s leaps and bounds away from what people like Jesse Owens went through on a daily basis, but it’s my reality and my life, so it’s something I take seriously.
It’s no secret that I’ve not maintained the weight I so diligently worked at for years. In fact I’ve gained… a lot. Not original highest weight a lot, I’m still quite a ways from that sphere of gross numbers, but give me a few years at this pace, and I’ll be back there and have surpassed that number for a new record. I have nothing but disdain for my inability to squash my addiction. It’s an all-consuming thing, food. All-consuming! If I’m not eating it, I’m thinking about it… if I’m not thinking about it, I’m usually stuffing down some emotion with it. It’s something that I’m ashamed of and something I wish to all things holy, I could get rid of for good. It takes a lot for me to stay in this “land of numbness” because numbness is so much easier to deal with than actually having to feel things, and it’s both sides of the feelings, the positive and the negative feelings, all intermixed into one big ball of NUMB!
I really have no idea what this post is about other than to say, I need to learn to tune out Whitney’s brain. It’d be a lot easier if brain transplant surgery was a real thing so that I could borrow some health nut’s brain for a year or two. I’d promise to return it just in time for swimsuit season.
This post is depressing, so here’s some Baby BoBo and Brover E time cuteness:
Hi… I wearing my new swimmy suit: