You know how when your dental hygienest recommends you to use a certain mouthwash, so you’ve been using it for years and you kind of love the way it makes your mouth feel all sparkly fresh? But then you know how years after you’ve been using this certain mouthwash every single day and then you go to a different dental hygienest who tells you that you shouldn’t be using that mouthwash because it has alcohol in it and alcohol is damaging to your teeth… and blah, blah, blah. You know? No one? coughcoughNOONECAREScoughcough. The new dental hygienest recommended a different kind of mouthwash to use because it’s alcohol-free and the dentist uses it too… and to boot IT’S PURPLE!!!! I’ve been using the new mouthwash now for the last month… and I have to say I HATE it with a passion of 72 cumquats! You know how when you get some rotten mothballs out of the attic, soak them in a pint of water, and then drink the water… THAT there is how this mouthwash tastes… NASTY! But I bought the huge bottle of it and dental hygienests are NEVER wrong (scratch the first one off the list)… so use it I will. In the meantime… DISCLAIMER: I’m a professional mothball eater, do not attempt mothball water at home…
In other equally as non-fascinating news, last week was record-breaking idiot making on my part. I mentioned last week I had 4 proctored tests to take due to my procrastination skillz and general lack of motivation to read anything textbook in the summer. I’m on a strike… it’s called Idiots Striking Common Sense. I’m not only a member, I’m the club president. So I pulled off late study nights and constant nightly reading sessions and by the end of the week I was spent and the teenage students running the proctored testing center all knew me by name. And to think finals week isn’t for 2 more weeks! Get used to it teenagers… Whitney is geezering her way to your center at least 6 more times in the next 3 weeks! Y’all celebrate my geezer teenagedom! Also, physics still sucks but they just discovered gravitational waves this year so I mean we’re living in a totes exciting physics time right now… and by exciting I really mean… SNORRRREEEEEE! Let me know when they discover sugar that isn’t sugar but still tastes like sugar! Momma wants a dagnabbed non-sugar-free sugar cookie with frosting and sprinkles and maybe a brownie with real chocolate frosting. Get on that physicists… make your mark in the world of Whitney’s Excitements! Did I mention it’s day 71 of sugar-freeness? Good. This week’s temptations included the aforementioned sugar cookies and a frigging chocolate sheet cake that I almost buried my entire face into.
PS – Happy Pioneer Day, Utah! I hope your celebrations include sugar and maybe a firework or three!
PPS – Happy 16th birthday to my nephew, Ethan tomorrow! Laws almighty… 16 already!? The roads of Utah welcome you to the driving club!