Y’all… it’s been the weirdest… the other week I brushed a dead spider out of my hair… it was all crumpled and brittle… and basically dead… and I almost shaved my entire 3 hairs off my head and started over! The weirdest part about it is I wash my hair thorouhgly EVERY. SINGLE. DAY!!!!! So, like how in the sam hill bean company did a spider burrow into my hair follicles, die, and then brittle up in the space of a couple of hours? Don’t mind me… I’m basically traumatized for life… it’s okay y’all.
In other weirdness, that same week I was sitting in the parking lot of Macey’s, about to get out to go in and get my grocery shopping on, when some brilliant person comes screeching out the Kentucky Fried Chicken drive through and slams into my front bumper like I’m some invisible Beulah the Buick car or something. I was even laying on my horn because I saw that she wasn’t slowing down. She got out of her car looked at my bumper and was like, “I hope I didn’t damage your car too much.
Thanks for honking.” Uh…. sure… except it didn’t work because you still bat in helled right into my car. Because I’m nice and Beulah was an embarrassment of bird doo, I didn’t call the police or get her insurance info. So, the leak I discovered and the physical damage adds to the charm of the Beulah phenomenon!
Now that you are reminded about how classy I really am, Lindsay gifted my mom (for mother’s day) and I (for a graduation present), a reservation to afternoon tea at the Grand America Hotel in Salt Lake City this past weekend. Basically, the Grand America Hotel is for hoity toity people… people who line their garbage cans with 100-dollar bills. I line my garbage cans with recycled grocery store sacks, so you can see my dilemma. I called in advance to see if there was a dress code, because let’s face it, I wasn’t wearing a formal gown. I was told that there was a variety of dress, but most people come in their casual clothes. We showed up in our casual clothes, which was totally fine because at least half of the place was wearing casual clothes, but then the other half was glaring at us like we done spit in the herbal tea carafe. Several tables were wearing fancy floral dresses with old-fashioned hats with netting veil-like things that come down over the eyes. Oh my laws y’all… I forgot my netting at the gold-plated dry cleaners. Then, to top it off after our fancy waiter gave us an entire menu full of fanciful British teas to choose from, Lindsay done asked if they had a jumbo mug of Diet Coke. I’m surprised she didn’t pull her gas station mug out her purse and ask them to fill ‘er up, fellas. The waiter brought her a Diet Coke in a wine glass… so you can see our dilemma.
Even if we weren’t the classiest patrons in the place, we still had a good time. Next time I’ll be sure to wear more gold-infused floral!