Doubt…

I’m well acquainted with doubt. It’s weaved through my life so seamlessly that it’s a part of the fiber of my being. It’s settled itself into my head space like a giant poisonous vine, wrapping it’s tenticles into the crevices and holding on for dear life. Doubt lived in my brain when I decided to finish my bachelor’s degree 6 years ago. It shouted things like, You won’t stay motivated… you’ll be gung ho for the first 2 semesters and then it will just fizzle out like every other thing you’ve ever done in your life… but it was the thought that counts.

Doubt lived in my brain when I was laid off from my job earlier this year, saying things like, You won’t find a job that pays anything better than minimum wage… who would want to hire an obese person with anxiety, OCD, and awkward issues?

Doubt lives in my brain whenever I try to stick to a healthy lifestyle plan, saying things like, You’re going strong now, but give it a week or two and you’ll be right back where you started… history repeats itself… and you’re the most predictable weight loss/gain patient on the planet.

Doubt is a huge detractor from self-confidence and self-esteem… if you doubt yourself enough, even subconsciously, you eventually believe it. It’s also the most dangerous thing you could feed your brain on a daily basis… like shoving fried foods and sugar and all manner of crap into your body and expecting it to perform the way you need it to.

I have a few things to say to my doubt… I did graduate with my bachelor’s degree at the age of 38 this past May… it took 6 years, but I did it. While we’re proving doubt wrong, I also did find a job that pays more than minimum wage… it may not be my life’s work, but there is proof that I am hireable.

Five weeks ago I started a “healthy habits” challenge. I knew my eating and weight were getting out of control, so one day by chance I came across this challenge and immediately signed up without giving it much research. After I’d paid my fee and they’d sent me the details, my heart dropped into my gallbladder. It looked near impossible for me. There was no way I could do all of that at once and be able to stick to it… it wasn’t doable for my personality. It was also restrictive… or in my mindset at the time it was restrictive… because it meant I couldn’t continue to eat 12 pounds of candy and 500 ounces of Diet Dr. Pepper every single day of my life. I wanted to follow a plan that was on the path of least resistence just right of EasyPeasyLemonSqueezy Avenue.

Each day I get a point if I do the following: Exercise at least 30 minutes, No soda (diet or regular), No sugar (except for one time a week), get 7 hours of sleep every night (doesn’t have to be consecutive), don’t eat after 9:00 p.m., keep a food journal every day, check in with my team at least once a day, eat 5 fruits and vegetables, drink at least 64 oz of water, and pre-plan my meals. Each week they also have a bonus point available, this past week it was to use weights during your workout and a previous one was no fast food. At the end of the week we add up our points, weigh ourselves (taking a picture of the number on the scale), and send it to our group leader who then tallies the points and ranks us within our teams. At the end of the 2-month challenge, the most points wins a gift card and the most weight lost wins a gift card. I have surprised myself to all ends of the Earth. Doubt still lives in my brain like that annoying relation who has overstayed their welcome (I don’t have any of those, relations, in case you were wondering), but everyday I have this dogged desire to keep going. I have lost weight, inches, and I feel better than I have for a long time!

To keep myself motivated, I’ve decided to keep a Weight Loss Instagram account. I wasn’t sure I wanted to open it to public, but I figure why not… I have nothing to hide… as this blog has proven time and time again, I am a frigging openly embarrassing book! Take it or leave it! Anyhow… it’s called cravingalife if you want to look me up and follow along. Get thee hence, Doubt… and I mean it this time!

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You are welcome for BoBo as a 2-headed llama riding a llama! You are welcome!

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10 Comments

Filed under Calorizing, Uncategorized

10 responses to “Doubt…

  1. Avster

    You need to keep reminding yourself that the only thing wrong with you is that you’re not left handed! That’ll push the doubt away! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    You got this new challenge! Better than I would. No sugar? I’d be eating fruit like it was going out of style!

  2. Alena

    Whit, you always inspire me! Thank you! That sounds like a very challenging program–way to stick with it!! I LOVE, LOVE your fall photos and of course, that totally adorable llama man. ๐Ÿ˜

    • Thank you, Friend… I died a little bit inside the day they told me I couldn’t drink my Diet Dr. Pepper daily! I’m going to once a week when this shindig is over… you best believe it!

  3. dessawade@gmail.com

    You have been killing it! I’m proud of you. You are a force!

  4. Lindsay Howell

    A favorite quote of mine is:
    “Your FAITH can move mountains and your DOUBT can create them!”

    It’s the truth! But you are acting on faith, knowing that your actions will create results. While I am quoting things I also love this:

    “Doubt can only be removed by action.”

    Like you have proven, the only way to get motivated and get doubt out of the way is to DO! I am proud of the success you have had. Now to master doubt so that you can keep it going strong!

  5. Becca Barlow

    Whitney,
    Thank-you for being an open book! I am so impressed by your writing and your photography. You make me want to move back to cache valley. My 11 year old daughter struggles with OCD, anxiety, and sensory processing issues. It gives me so much hope to hear about you coping well with the same things and thriving as well. Is there any way you could give me some advice in raising her? Things you wish youโ€™d known, things your parents did that helped, outlets that helped? Thanks so much friend!

    • Thank you, sweet lady! Give your cute daughter big hugs from me! I say that you have a leg up on what my parents did back in the day just because you acknowledge that she has those issues and know it’s not something she’s making up in her head. Back when we were kids, those diagnoses didn’t hold much weight. If you didn’t want to go somewhere because of anxiety or OCD, it was because you were being a difficult spoiled brat not because you had a legitimate mental issue. You are already a kind-hearted momma who is willing to learn ways to help her instead of hinder her. My advice is to never say she’s just making it up or to get over it… that would make me so mad when my folks would say stuff like that. I think everyone handles their anxiety/OCD differently, so I’d also advise to ask her (when she’s older) what helps and then be mindful next time she has a breakdown of doing what helps her. I remember one thing that helped when I was a kid, my mom made me a special “drink” (really I think it was just ice water flavored with a bit of juice). Whenever I was having a breakdown, she’d put it in my special cup and set it on my special coaster and she’d have me take small sips and deep breaths until I’d calmed down. I am pretty sure it was the placebo effect, my magic calming potion helped me focus on deep breathing and gathering my thoughts. You’re a great momma, Becca! Sending you all of the thoughts and prayers for your cute daughter!

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