Category Archives: Childhood

The Scary People…

Y’all best quit reading right now because I’m whipping open the self-inflicted therapy session up in this here Whitney joint.  It will most likely be pathetic, bore people to tears, and I’ll probably get the stupid violin out and play it for most of this here post.  I warned you… no suing the messenger!  I went back and forth on whether or not I was going to post about this publicly… and the heck to the no almost won out, but then I got to thinking that this blog was initially meant to be a public therapy session and even though lately it’s turned into a conglomeration of idiocy and silliness, at it’s core… it’s still a therapeutic blog for me and me alone.  That, and I’m sure there are people out there in readerville having the same kind of issues… so maybe my public therapy will in some way be helpful to someone else.

I’m afraid of teenagers… in general.  I’m afraid to be around them, I’m afraid to walk past them, and I’m definitely afraid to talk in front of them.  In my mind they are equal to the boogeyman of my youth or being face to face with a hungry cannibal… okay, maybe that last example was a way over exaggeration, but you get the point.  I am going to preface this by saying the majority of teenagers in my youth were very kind to me.  I had some super sweet friends, so to lump all teenagery people into one big bowl of stereotype is really unfair.  But, it’s like they say… one bad apple spoils the bunch.  While most of my childhood consisted of nice people, there were always  those few who insisted on making my life miserable… by mooing and oinking when I’d walk past or shouting some smart alecky, nonfunny remark regarding how much I weighed.  And that was always the most humiliating thing in the world for me… especially in front of a group of friends or people I knew… because I did not want people to pity me… ever… that was like the worst possible thing for me.  That, and being perceived as not normal and judged because I was fat.  The biggest culprits were always teenagers… and I know it’s because they also have self esteem issues and are trying to sort out who they are and they want to be accepted by their group of peers.  Some of you may have seen the video going around on the internet of the sweet bus monitor who was being called names and made fun of to her face by a gaggle of teenage boys for 10 excruciating minutes of video.  She handled herself so well and yet I cried for her and I pitied her and I could put myself in her shoes because I had been there… not to the extent that she had because I could remove myself from the situation… but along the same lines.  I could get really long-winded in this post… so I’m going to move on to the reason I even brought it up to begin with.

A few weeks back I was asked by a lady who I don’t know and who doesn’t know me if I would sing and speak at a youth conference.  My first gut reaction was HELL NO!!!!!!!!!  And I did tell her no.  But, she didn’t accept that answer and called me back telling me that she’d prayed about it and had a strong feeling that I needed to speak and sing at her youth conference.  I said no again… and she closed the phone call saying I should think about it.  Persistent is her name… but not really.  I eventually gave in and agreed I would do it but only if I wouldn’t have to speak… I would just sing a song and hightail my butt out of there.  She seemed reluctant to give into that request, but went along with it anyway… sure that she had 2 weeks to talk me into the other part of it.

I ain’t going to lie.  I dreaded the day… all the way up to it.  It was this past Friday night and I was literally making myself sick with anxiety.  It was a wayyyyy overreaction, but at the same time I was going to have to do something I had purposely tried to avoid my whole life.  Open myself up to these teenagers… put myself out there to be judged and gawked at.  It was a scary thought for me.  I’ve sung oodles of times in front of audiences… singing is not a problem for me… speaking is.  I had written what I wanted to say… and I went back and forth on whether or not I was going to say it right up until the last second.  On the actual night, my nerves did get the better of me when speaking just like they always did.  I stumbled through my speech, losing my place on the page several times and visibly shaking.  The singing went haywire when my microphone wouldn’t work and I had to start over 2 times and eventually just sing microphone-less.  By the time it was over and I was in the car I felt gutted.  I’d ripped open my insides, laid them out for all to see and to judge and to pick at, and I felt so vulnerable and bare nekked.  I wanted to take it back… make it unhappen.  Run back to that group of teenagery people, gather up all my vital organs, and shove them back inside… never to be released again.  I hated those feelings… and so I reverted back to my way of dealing with emotions of yore… and I ate them away.  Shoved them down into my toes… because numb is better than feeling.  And I was mad… she had received inspiration that I was supposed to be there and things turned out like this?  I had envisioned that there would be a couple of overweight teenagers amongst the group and those were the ones I was supposed to be there for.  But I had much opportunity to scan the group and all of them were skinny as rails.

I’m in a better frame of mind tonight.  I took back my eating by planning my meals for this week and cooking them up tonight.  I also kicked butt by tackling the leaning tower of clothes in the rocking chair in my room.  I guess it was good for me to step outside my comfort zone… I didn’t feel that way after the fact… at all… but I do believe that somewhere down the road this experience will have made me stronger.  I don’t have any intention on saying yes to anymore youth conference gigs… for a good long time… and I keep consoling myself with the fact that I will never see these kids again.  They will thank me later!


Filed under Childhood

Laying Down the Law… Kicking My Butt Style…

For what it’s worth, in all my lifetime I’ve only ever had 2 issues/problems…

1.  Closet eating…
2.  See issues/problems 3 through 65 billion…

To the untrained eye that would seem like I have 65,000,000,002 issues, but that’s not the case.  As you can plainly see I’ve kindly categorized them into 2 short numbers.  You are welcome.

Back to issue/problem #1… as if I had all day to talk about the other 65 billion… my closet eating started VERY young.  I’m pretty sure I’ve talked about it some on this blog but it was months and months ago and I only ever remember the things I’ve talked about in the last 10 seconds… what was I saying? If you want a refresher course on my reasons for closet eating, check out this post… because I’m too lazy to rehash it.  Historically, when I’m alone, I pig out… because there’s no one there to scold me or give me the “you need to only eat lettuce leaves” stink eye.  I remember vividly wanting the family to leave the house so that I could eat.  At the age of 7 when I was first enrolled in Weight Watchers, I’d ride my bike to the meeting, get weighed, and then hurry and rush home so that I could pig out before anyone else got home (Madre worked at WW and my dad was at church meetings).   It seemed like the only time I could eat guilt-free was when I was all by my lonesome.

I’m 33 years old now, but wouldn’t you know that I still have that same dagblasted urge.  I’m an adult for crying outloud and I still can’t always shake the demons from my childhood past.  Is it habit?  Is the force of closet eating so dang strong I can’t shake it?  Is Donald Trump’s hair real?  Do cows love their lives of grazing and mooing?  So many questions, so little knowledge.  Why am I writing about my childhood demons now?  Because for the next week I will be by my lonesome as the whole fam damly has taken off for Canadian retreats.  I’m a little bitter that I am not with them, but lack of notice to secure a passport and lack of funds means I sit here instead.  In the past, this would be license to drop any form of menu plan and eat when and what I want… mostly fast food… mostly the pizza food group… and anything desserty is a must!  Why?  Because it’s what I know.  Here’s the problem… THAT’S THE LAMEST THING I’VE EVER HEARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFETIME, WHIT-WAD!   Because it’s what I know and because it’s habit?  Please shut up before I vomit into my peddle pushers.  Just stop it.  STOP… right now… STOP! IT!  I believe you like to have a convenient excuse to be lame and I believe you’ve come to accept those excuses as legitimate reasons to be lame, but the lameness stops here and now!

So, what’s this coming week going to entail?  Common freaking sense!  You’ve made your menus, the food is in the fridge.  You will stick to your weighing and measuring of food… you will exercise some daily… and you will not revert back to that disgusting practice of yore.  You hear me!?!?  Maybe instead you could use that extra alone time to conquer the Mount Everest that seems to have erupted on the rocking chair in your room.  What do you get when you have limited closet space and limited drawer space due to having 5 different sizes of clothing stuffed in them?  Mt. Everest grows on the rocking chair.  I literally sift through a gigantic pile of clothing taller than I am just to find something to wear.  Someone call Hoarders… except tell them it’s the rocking chair edition!

Question of the Day:  Would you consider yourself a closet eater?  Also, you have my permission to kick my butt, virtually!  



Filed under Childhood, Food

Tripping Down Memory Lane…

While I was in the birthplace of Rexburg, ID last weekend, I was feeling nostalgic.   I had an overwhelming urge to visit all of my old haunts and terrorize the new residents of said haunts.  Everything was so much smaller than I remembered it.  Is it possible that places and houses shrink as they age?  People do… why not houses?  I think it has something to do with the Jersey Shore epidemic… our brains are shrinking, so the things around us shrink as well.  Or… maybe it just had something to do with the fact that the memories I had of these places were when I was 1-, 2-, 3- and 4-feet something… and now I’m towering near 5’9″.  Actually… and this made me the happiest of happies!  When I was at the doctor in January for my quarter yearly visit, the nurse kept looking me up and down whilst looking at the chart (the creepiest of creepies)… and she’s like… there’s no way you’re 5’3″… and I’m like, on my knees I’m close… and she’s like… that’s the height they have in your chart.  So, she measured me again (in shoes) and I came in at 5’8″!!!  All these years I thought I was 5’9″ (or 5’3″ according to my chart).  Y’all… I’m practically a short person now… or maybe I did shrink in height during weight loss.


Back to the haunts.  The first drive by was my grandparents house.  I have fond memories of that house.  My grandpa was quite the gardener.  He loved his pansies and had a beautiful flower garden in the backyard.  My grandpa passed when I was 7 or 8 years old, but I still remember tending to his flower garden with him when I was a little girl… watering the flowers… and I will always attribute my love for pansies to my grandpa.

There are trees missing from the front yard… and I’m sure the backyard isn’t kept nearly as nicely as it was in the olden days.  In the basement of this house, my grandma had an apartment that she rented out to married college kids.  My sister and I were forever trying to sneak into that apartment.  We got in a couple of times… snoopy snoopersons.  It’s a wonder that I was never hog tied and thrown out the window.  I also remember having wars in the backyard with the neighbor kids through the fence where we’d throw apples at each other and call each other names… it was glorious.  A feeling of happiness still washes over me when I see this little house.

The next stop was to Porter Park… just a couple of blocks from gram’s house.  We used to walk there in the summers… and then beg to ride the carousel.  Rexburgians… is the carousel still open in the summer?  It looked a little sad in March… all shut up.

I had to take a picture of the inside through the glass… which turned out really great as you can guess already!

Then we were off to the house I lived in as a child.  I have a lot of rebble rousing memories about this house… peeing on the neighbor’s sidewalks, wreaking havoc like havoc hadn’t ever been wreaked!

I also remember rolling down that hill, and hoping we didn’t get concussions when we landed in the street and bonked our heads on the pavement… and/or get run over by a car.

If you go to Rexburg and you don’t go to Porter’s… there’s something wrong with your brain space.  Porter’s is pretty much the only store you need to go to.  Porter’s pretty much has everything craft you can think of… everything.  If you want to make something out of dental floss, I’m sure they’d have the supplies.  I somehow missed a picture of the outside, but on the inside I did take pictures of everything owl… and Madre even made her way out the door with this little diddy…

It’s a bobble head owl.  He jiggles if you set him on a table and tap him.  Our final stop down memory lane was to the best chocolate place in the history of the United States.  I’ve eaten my fair share of chocolate… I’m like a chocolate taste tester who pays to taste test.  Where do I get the job the other way around?  Everyone else needs to quit trying… Florence’s Chocolates are HANDS DOWN the best chocolates in the United States of America, Canada, Uruguay, Lichtenburg, Antarctica, and that country I can’t remember the name of.  HANDS DOWN!

Florence, the owner, actually sang at my parent’s wedding back in 1682.  Yes, that wasn’t a typo… it was that long ago!  Florence knows how to make a PMSing chic smile.  I’ll tell you what!  A moment on the lips… a lifetime on the hips.. and DAGNABBED worth every bite of it!

Question of the Day:  Where’s your hometown?  Do you ever go back and walk down memory lane?

Oh look… Baby Cruz is saying bye bye and happy weekend, friends!!  Thanks for sticking with us and have a splendid weekend!


Filed under Childhood, Chocolate

Embarrassing and Unflattering Picture Time… Lindsay…

Sister Lindsay’s birthday is tomorrow… I thought I’d be an exceptionally giving and selfless sister and take this opportunity to share with the world some of her most unflattering and embarrassing pictures (pssstt… Lindzer… where the crimeny puffs is that picture of you talking to yourself in the mirror when you were 25 4?  I done looked everywhere!?!?!?)  😛

Let’s start with this one.  Lindsay is convinced she was adopted because there are no baby pictures of her at the hospital like there are of me… News Flash… it ain’t as cool when it’s #2.  In this picture she seems to be possessed by some demonic spirit… any minute she will rise up and chomp off the head of an unsuspecting photographer… either that or she’s singing her best version of Kumbaya.  As for me… I’m frankly terrified out of my skull.  HELP. ME.

This here picture most exemplifies the real Lindsay (the horns are real).  As you can see, here she is determining the best method to steal the floppy bunny ear’s candy stash. Get in my tummy, candy bar!As for me… frankly, I’m just dagnabbed shocked that I’m allowed to be holding a candy bar!  Also, the wallpaper and the chair fabric… totally back in fashion!

This here was the time they locked me in the mini van and force fed me asparagus through a hole in the door.  Pictured here is them coming in to scrape me off of the ceiling.

The reason I suck at the piano, even after 12 years of lessons… Madre told us this keyboard was standard size!

I’m not pissed she got the gumball machine and I didn’t… I’m pissed they let me walk out of the store with those glasses!  Also, there’s a crink in my neck from the glass weight.

Teenagery hormoney fun family trip time!

Lindsay:  As if I’m going to be seen with these nerds.
Whitney:  Durrrrr… I smell bacon.
Grams:  I hope they have feeeesh! 

Oh dear… this is more unflattering and embarrassing of me than anyone else.  Right here I’m probably wondering how I’m going to walk to my car without fainting.

Happy Birthday, Lindsay!!  I hope your day is filled with all good things… and also you owe me a candy bar… from back in your devil days!  Love you!


Filed under Childhood, Family

Say It Isn’t So…

So, my life is basically over… my toothbrush ran out of batteries tonight and I had to power it with my hand!  What did I ever do before the invention of the battery-powered toothbrush?  I love that dagnabbed thing.  It feels like your teeth are getting a right good turbo clean… not that usual whimpy can’t go in a circular motion hand-powered toothbrush.  The HUMANITY!  Life as I know it will never be the same… EVER!!!!!  What’s that you say?  Go buy more batteries you yellow-bellied lizard?  That would be a novel idea, but sadly I’m not smart enough to get the bottom of the toothbrush open to change the batteries.  Who invented these childproof toothbrushes anyway?  I’d sue the company if it weren’t so much hassle to fill out the paperwork.  Carry on with your lives as usual.  Mine will just be on hold until I can figure out how to twist off my toothbrush bottom.  😛

In news that is actually  news… I was excited to read this article.  Apparently, school lunches are getting a revamp!  FINALLY!

The first major nutritional overhaul of school meals in more than 15 years means most offerings – including the always popular pizza – will come with less sodium, more whole grains, and a wider selection of fruits and vegetables on the side.

First lady Michelle Obama and Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack announced the new guidelines during a visit Wednesday with elementary students. Michelle Obama, also joined by celebrity chef Rachael Ray, said youngsters would learn better if they don’t have growling stomachs at school.

“As parents, we try to prepare decent meals, limit how much junk food our kids eat, and ensure they have a reasonably balanced diet,” Obama said. “And when we’re putting in all that effort the last thing we want is for our hard work to be undone each day in the school cafeteria.”

After the announcement, the three went through the line with students and ate turkey tacos with brown rice, black bean and corn salad, and fruit – all Ray’s recipes – with the children in the Parklawn Elementary lunchroom.

Under the new rules, pizza won’t disappear from lunch lines, but will be made with healthier ingredients. Entire meals will have calorie caps for the first time and most trans fats will be banned. Sodium will gradually decrease over a 10-year period. Milk will have to be low in fat and flavored milks will have to be nonfat.

Although, I hate how they are villanizing pizza.  Pizza can be a part of a healthy lifestyle… it all depends what ingredients are put on it.  Though, as I’ve mentioned before on this blog, I do think it’s ridiculous that they are calling it a vegetable due to the tomato paste.

My recollection of the school lunch back in my day, approximately 8 billion years ago when I walked uphill both ways to school and didn’t own a pair of shoes… is foggy at best.  I seem to remember “mystery” meat on salisbury steak day… and always wondered if the mashed potatoes were real.  I’m pretty sure they were watered down potato flakes slathered with butter.  When I got to high school level, I brought my lunch… except when they had ala cart salad day.  My mom would let me eat the salad because salad fit with my “die”t I was always on.  She didn’t get to see what I put on that sucker… 8 gallons of cheese… ham by the pig loin… enough croutons to supply a small 3rd world country… and enough ranch dressing to cover up the few pieces of green I had splayed across the plate.  Do you want some lettuce with that “salad”?  In other words, my “salad” should have been called a Hammy Cheesy Ranchy casserole or Clogged Artery Delight.  I’d venture to guess I had at least 1000 calories on that sucker… AT LEAST!!!!

It’s time that they changed the school lunch guidelines.  I don’t know how easy it will be to retrain kids to eat the healthy food instead of picking up a bag of chips and a candy bar in the vending machines, but it has to be tried.  For the sake of the Hammy Delight Casserole… it has to be tried!!

Question of the Day:  Do you remember anything about your school lunches?  What do you think of the new guidelines?  Will kids eat it?





Filed under Childhood, Diet

Grand Theft Bulk Food…

At the grocery store on Saturday I saw the most fascinating thing.  A family… mom, dad, and six children under the age of about 8 behaving like angels in the grocery store.  Their dad had them lined up youngest to oldest… mom was in front of the cart, dad pushed the cart with the 1-year-old in it, and then the 5 remaining children followed behind him in a straight, orderly line.  No one was crying… no one was running around the store like an ADHD patient on Skittles… they were all just patiently following their parents in this perfect line.  No one asked for candy or sugar cereal or ice cream.  It kind of baffled me.  When my sister and I were little tikes we were holy terrors in the grocery store.  We always wanted everything we saw and if we didn’t get it we’d pull out our best Oscar-winning tantrums in the middle of aisle 8.

There were several times where Lindsay stole candy from the bulk food section, told me mom had paid for it, and I ate it standing in the middle of the store.  I didn’t get candy… hardly ever… so if someone was freely offering me candy… I was going to eat it before they could take it away again.  I knew mom hadn’t bought it.  We hadn’t even gone through the checkout yet… but I ignored that part of the thought process because I was getting CANDY!!!!!!!!

Most kids dream about what they want to be when they grow up.  My dreams consisted of what food I was going to eat when I had my own money and a driver’s license.  Having the food hidden from me as a child, yet available to the rest of the non-dieting family made me want it even more.  At the same grocery store on Saturday there were 3 self-serve honey machines in the bulk food department with a BIG ole sign reading:  Do not lift the lid… bees will escape.  PLEASE!!!  I was so tempted to lift that dagblasted lid.  I wanted to see it even more now than I had when I just thought it was a box with honey in it.  When someone tells you not to do something, you want to do it even more than if you had been given permission to do it.  That’s why I’ve adopted my eating method of NOTHING being off limits.  I can’t say, Whitney, you will never eat cookies again.  That just insures that I’ll have a plethora of weird dreams starring cookies… talking cookies… cookies on the Jerry Springer Show… cookies with attitude.  It somehow works much better for me if I allow all foods… that way I can better make the choice in my mind of whether I can take it or leave it at any particular time.  You’ll all be happy to know that Lindsay has left her past of Grand Theft Bulk Food behind… or so I think she has.

We went to WinCo for the first time on Saturday.  I fell in LUST with the bulk food section.  They had every dagnabbed thing you could ever imagine up in there.  I might ask if they rent rooms in the storage warehouse just so I can be within walking distance of the bulk food section!  Oh lawsy glorious!  This is the only place where you can bag your own cat food and then turn around and bag your own flax seed.  Crossing my fingers I don’t get them mixed up come breakfast!

Question of the Day:  Do you ever purchase anything in the bulk foods section? 



Filed under Childhood

Nativity Scenes Are The New Christmas Tree!

I mentioned in a past post about Madre and her love for all things Nativity and scene.  You can’t blame the woman… the Nativity scene represents a very sacred time and is the true reason for the season.  I’m all for it.  That is, until you see how many she has on display in the same general area.  Baby Jesus was born approximately 5 bajillion times just in her living room alone!  Her goal is to collect a Nativity scene from every country that she visits.  This is a fairly new goal, so her collection isn’t representative of all the countries she has been to.  She just heard a rumor that another couple in town has over 150 Nativity scenes displayed around their house.  THAT WILL NOT DO!!  Keeping up with the Kardashians’ errr, the Jones’ is quite the task.  Next year I’m probably going to have to dress up like a shepherd and sit out on the front lawn for the whole month of December.  Take that Jones’ family… I have me a life-sized BREATHING Nativity!  Who wants to volunteer to be the camel?  We’re also looking to fill the role of the sheep and the shepherd’s staff?  Pay is nothing… maybe some stale fruit cake… and frost bite is not included on the health insurance forms… oh, I mean… what health insurance?

This is just a sampling of her scenes…  The funny thing about Madre is that she wants help setting up the decorations, but then I’ll set something up and she comes right behind me and rearranges it!  She will say she doesn’t do that… but y’all know who to believe.  The girl without the camel-print muumuu!!

The Christmas tree… with the crooked star on the top.  What!?  We be tall, but we ain’t that tall!!  Plus, my torso is approximately 4 times the length of my arms.  Short, stubby arms and legs… LONG butt torso!  Call Guinness!

Madre’s pride and joy.  She painted these ceramics years ago when I was just a child… they’ve survived many a frigid winter in the garage and many a move without breaking.  KNOCK ON WOOD!  Stay strong, Mr. and Mrs. Claus!

These are cute.  Sister, Lindsay actually made this advent-type calendar for Madre last year.  They’re little spools, with the numbers 1 through 25 on adorbs paper… and then each day you take the number off of the clothesline and you open it up and read what you’re supposed to do that day… to help you count your way down to Christmas.

Here’s y’alls Christmassey assignment for this weekend.  Make it healthified and enjoy the sounds of the season.  Report back on Mondee!

Question of the Day:  What is your favorite Christmas Decoration?  Is it something you made or something with sentimental value? 




Filed under Childhood, Christmas