Category Archives: elliptical

Desereting My Butt Off… Literally!

The Deseret Industries… or DI… for those of you not familiar with such a phenomenon, picture it as a sort of a Goodwill or a secondhand store.  People drop off the items they have lying around their houses that they don’t use anymore so that others can shop for those items at cheap prices.  It’s also a great thing for those who need job training.  I’ve donated many things to the DI over my lifetime, but I don’t generally shop there.  It has to do with my germ-a-phobe issue… the psycho one where I can’t wrap my head around what people might do with their items with unwashed hands and then make me touch them.  Sorry… just can’t!  You don’t know what goes on behind someone else’s closed door.  For all I know Kleenex is a foreign idea at the neighbors!

I had need to go in there this past week.  The idea was that I was going to find me some cheap used ski poles (thanks for the great idea, Heather P.) so that I could practice my snow sportage with more support.  Not that these bird arms surrounded by fat blobules and hanging skin would be able to hold me up should I trip and fall face first into a sinkhole of snow… but it’s the thought that counts… and I think a LOT!  I searched that place high and low and finally found me a pair of poles for the whopping price of FIVE BUCKS!  You really can’t beat that price.  Of course they look like they’d been made in the 70s and had dirt 5 miles thick on them, but a pole is a pole is a pole, right?  My next idea was to whittle me a couple of poles out of a branch in the yard.  Seven severed fingers later, my hands thank all that be holy that the DI delivered!

On my way out, my eye caught a couple of exercise machines in the corner.  I mosied on over and found 2 ellipticals caked with dirt and dust… pretty sure they’d just gotten back from the Mud Dash.  The price tags read 20 bucks, so I wrote down the model numbers and thought I might investigate some things on the Interweb… aka find out how many of my fat blobules each machine could hold before it broke.  There are weight limits on those kinds of machines… and usually the weight limit is 250 pounds and under.  Because apparently the people who would really need to use such a machine are scared away from ever wanting to step foot on it by that dagblasted low weight limit.  Basically babies and skinny people… go for it.  The rest of you… sit on the couch with the chip bowl… I hear there’s a marathon of Cupcake Wars on Tuesdee.

Later that night when researching via the interwebs, my instincts were right… BOTH machines weight limits were 250 pounds.  SHUDDUP!  I slept on it that night and had made up my mind I wasn’t going to buy one.  The next day was Saturday.  I woke up and took my DI ski poles on a snow hike (I left the snow shoes in the car for overall balancing purposes).  On the way home I got to thinking… 20 bucks for an elliptical that may or may not break in a week or two?  What’s that?  The price of half a month at the gym?  What do I have to lose?  I made my dad come with me with his truck for loading purposes.  When we arrived, the one I’d really wanted… the one that was bigger and looked more sturdy was gone.  You snooze you lose in these parts.  The 2nd smaller one was still there and as I was frantically walking toward it, some 9-year-old boy hopped on it and started peddling away and then some older lady was over looking at it, motioning to her husband to come and check it out.  I figured I could take both of these people on with one hand tied behind my back in one sitting on them session.  So, I stood right in front of it trying to look all intimidating.  They eventually both backed off and I pounced on the sucker like a starving lion.  BACK OFF… momma needs a new/really old elliptical!

It’s now in the garage… I just have to make room for it in the basement somehow… and disinfect it… yes… disinfecting it is a must!  My exercise of choice is still outdoor woggercizing.  It’s hard to outdoor woggercize everyday in the winter… it’s just not possible unless you’re born with polar bear blood and a gas mask for breathing in the inversion air.  My sweet cuzzin, JenJen bought me a 6-month subscription to an exercise video website online for my birthday (thank you, Jenner), but I like to have variety when I’m forced to do things that aren’t woggercizing… so my variety will be elliptical one day… exercise video the next!  I’ll just have to make sure that a third of my body weight is still sitting on the couch when I get on it.  That makes a lot of blood to clean up when I’ve chopped up my upper torso, but a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do!

Any elliptical fans?


Filed under deseret industries, DI, elliptical, exercising, snow hiking