Category Archives: Family

Classiness Is A Verb…

Y’all… it’s been the weirdest… the other week I brushed a dead spider out of my hair… it was all crumpled and brittle… and basically dead… and I almost shaved my entire 3 hairs off my head and started over! The weirdest part about it is I wash my hair thorouhgly EVERY. SINGLE. DAY!!!!! So, like how in the sam hill bean company did a spider burrow into my hair follicles, die, and then brittle up in the space of a couple of hours? Don’t mind me… I’m basically traumatized for life… it’s okay y’all.

In other weirdness, that same week I was sitting in the parking lot of Macey’s, about to get out to go in and get my grocery shopping on, when some brilliant person comes screeching out the Kentucky Fried Chicken drive through and slams into my front bumper like I’m some invisible Beulah the Buick car or something. I was even laying on my horn because I saw that she wasn’t slowing down. She got out of her car looked at my bumper and was like, “I hope I didn’t damage your car too much.
Thanks for honking.” Uh…. sure… except it didn’t work because you still bat in helled right into my car. Because I’m nice and Beulah was an embarrassment of bird doo, I didn’t call the police or get her insurance info. So, the leak I discovered and the physical damage adds to the charm of the Beulah phenomenon!

Now that you are reminded about how classy I really am, Lindsay gifted my mom (for mother’s day) and I (for a graduation present), a reservation to afternoon tea at the Grand America Hotel in Salt Lake City this past weekend. Basically, the Grand America Hotel is for hoity toity people… people who line their garbage cans with 100-dollar bills. I line my garbage cans with recycled grocery store sacks, so you can see my dilemma. I called in advance to see if there was a dress code, because let’s face it, I wasn’t wearing a formal gown. I was told that there was a variety of dress, but most people come in their casual clothes. We showed up in our casual clothes, which was totally fine because at least half of the place was wearing casual clothes, but then the other half was glaring at us like we done spit in the herbal tea carafe. Several tables were wearing fancy floral dresses with old-fashioned hats with netting veil-like things that come down over the eyes. Oh my laws y’all… I forgot my netting at the gold-plated dry cleaners. Then, to top it off after our fancy waiter gave us an entire menu full of fanciful British teas to choose from, Lindsay done asked if they had a jumbo mug of Diet Coke. I’m surprised she didn’t pull her gas station mug out her purse and ask them to fill ‘er up, fellas. The waiter brought her a Diet Coke in a wine glass… so you can see our dilemma.

Even if we weren’t the classiest patrons in the place, we still had a good time. Next time I’ll be sure to wear more gold-infused floral!

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The first 3-tiered tray of food. Finger sandwiches, some with goat cheese and arugula (gag me a maggot) and others with more normal things like chicken and turkey.

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The dessert tray… I didn’t really make it to this tray. I was too full from coconut almond hot chocolate and goat cheese sandwiches.

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A trip to SLC is never complete without some cheeser BoBo time! Even if he is wearing one Elmo slipper and one Cars slipper.

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Harley the cat huggles…

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Yep… snow in mid-May. Don’t sign me up!

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Sale-ebrations…

Mother’s day weekend is always jam packed over here at the Mediocre Ranch. You have your annual mother’s day and then my dad’s birthday falls around the same time, so we always try to celebrate both in the same weekend.

This weekend was no exception. There was a visit from Baby BoBo and his big cheeser grins. We squirted some flowers with the water guns I got at the dollar store, got dirty in the neighbor’s sandbox, saw some baby chickies at the Cal-Ranch store, made a steak dinner with funeral potatoes and non-alcoholic Summer In A C Cup drinks, ate overly-priced brunch at the golf course where BoBo shared an ice cream cone with the floor, talked to Elder Bro Christian on his mission via Skype, and unsuccessfully tried to take group selfies… now all I have to do is take the 32 selfies, cut out the individual people, and photoshop them into a group photo where everyone is looking at the camera at the same time. So easy… said no one ever!

In other news, we also celebrated mothers… I am all for celeebrating the hardworking, long-suffering women in my life… y’all deserve all of the accolades and more, especially my momma! I also have a hard time with this day as I am reminded that I was not blessed with children, and it always gives me a tinge of sadness to think of it. Life is an interesting mish mash of twists and turns… and one day I hope to know more about it.

Happy mother’s day to my momma and the few other mother’s who read this blog… and also a big happy birthday to my dad who turned a whopping 39 (coughyeahrightcough) this year! Love you all!

This is my favorite video… turn on the sound!

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Oh cheeser baby… also, ice cream cones with a fork is the new thing.

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Neighbor Thomas is always so sweet to let Bourne play with his toys.

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Oh Hey, April Fool!

Hey y’all… so, it’s April and that is always a good thing in my book… even if it rains 24/7. BoBo was here this past weekend and we sloshed through the mud on the canal bank like we were farmers with a purpose. Then, BoBo caked up his new shoes with 6 inches of mud and the party was over before it began. It’s always a party until someone gets muddy said the uptight OCD chick. He met our 3-year-old neighbor, Thomas, and they had a grand ole time loading up dump trucks with mud and dirt… until they started fighting over the bulldozer truck… and then it was like Jerry Springer with babies… except not at all like that and mostly crying crocodile tears until they got their way. Good friends.

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In other news, I ordered some prepackaged meals from a place called BistroMD last week. The purpose of it was to get me into a better routine of eating 3 square meals a day with more protein and veggies and less carbs. Let’s start with the pros… when you’re a single person cooking for a single person, in order to avoid wasting ingredients and food you basically have to eat the same thing for breakfast, lunch, and dinner all week… or at least I haven’t found a better way. With these flash frozen “gourmet” meals I ate a different thing every meal and every day. It was like I was like Oprah or something… except not at all like that because I had to feed myself… and I was not eating off of golden plates with platinum silverware. The meals all ranged from 200 to 400 calories and a day’s worth of food, including 2 small snacks came out to between 1200 and 1300 calories per day. Each meal was also 50% to 60% protein. There were some excellent entrees that I enjoyed and would totally eat again, case in point, this whole wheat bagel egg white and turkey sausage sandwich at around 320 calories.

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There were also some entrees that I had to gag down… and I mean literally gag down… like this concoction titled Broccoli Chicken casserole… which looked really delicious as a picture on the website with actual chunks of chicken and broccoli… instead, this is what I got:

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Some sort of pureed babyfood-like chicken and broccoli that made me feel like I forgot to put my dentures in before dinner. There is not a chicken chunk or broccoli chunk in sight, y’all!

There was also beef and pork… I have a hard time with meat… sue me. I’m okay usually with chicken and turkey on occasion (depending on the form it takes), but beef and pork are a different beast in the texture and taste department. So, while my goal was to eat more protein, I did not enjoy all of the proteins.

To sum it up… it was a good experience and I did order some more ala carte meals that I’m going to disperse into my days the next few weeks, but by the end of the week I went to Subway and ordered me an egg white and veggie sub instead of beef bourgenese or whatever you call it. That’s my kind of gourmet, yo… and they don’t puree it!

Exercise this past week was pretty good… I did 3 or 4 days of walking even when it was cold and windy and rainy and 2 more days of purposefully moving a lot more chasing BoBo around.

I need some updates on you all? How are things going over your ways? What goals are you going to set for this upcoming week?

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Lindsay must have gone into early blogging retirement. Like, I haven’t seen her send me an update in 2 weeks. I hope she got a great severence package from her blogging boss. Lindsay… Beuhler!?

I call this following montage, Baby cheesers… every time you say cheese or hold up a camera, BoBo practices his cheeser smile…

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Saturday, we had a surprise sendoff party for my nephew, Christian. After months of trying to get his leukemia in check after being sent home from his mission, he’s finally able to go back out and serve full time and will be leaving on Tuesday. He has to stay close to home so that he can be within a short distance of Huntsman Cancer Institute, but he’s super stoked to be going to Orem, Utah Spanish Speaking mission! This guy is a stellar dude for sure and we could all learn something from him about having a positive attitude in the face of adversity! Go, Christian, Go! In the above picture, I was videoing Christian opening the gift he was given and BoBo thought the camera was for him. Oh BoBo!

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He’s also learned a new trick called stick your finger up your nose to get attention! Oh BoBo!

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In The Delusional Part Of My Brain, I’m Only 25!

It’s that time of year when I pretend I’m 25 for the 13th straight year in a row! I can’t say 25 was a great year for me… but it sure as heck sounds a lot better than 38! By the by family, if you age me by rounding that up to 40 one more time, I’m filing a petition to be adopted by another family… perhaps one who rounds the number down to 25 at all times! Hear!?

The number thing aside, this “birthday week” was full of all things Octoberish… because I do enjoy me a grand ole October day… and since there are 31 of those days, I best take advantage of every last one. Note to my 2 readers, there are only 7 days left… get outside!

On Wednesday on my day off from work, I headed down Salt Lake City way so that Lindsay and BoBo could come to the Wheeler Historic Farm. On the way Auntie Whitty and Baby BoBo snacked on peanut butter crackers from Trader Joe’s and learned our vowels… you go Baby BoBo (you’ll have to excuse my off tuneness… I only sing properly for an audience older than 1)!

At the farm, Baby BoBo got to drive a tractor and ride on a wagon ride and pet some animals and get acosted by 12,000 geese and 20,000,0000,00000000 ducks… and Auntie Whitty stepped in 12 gallons of goose doo, so there was that.

I took this picture right before BoBo fell off this bench onto his head… so there was that sad party… and pretty much scores me Aunt of the year!

Then, yesterday the fam all came up to go to the annual North Logan Pumpkin Walk… kudos Pumpkin Walk peoples! Y’all rock it every year!

BoBo got to stare at a scary witch, who really was a very friendly singing witch, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of her…

Step away from my broom! The next picture cracks my stuff up! Big bro Christian brought a friend along. Matt found a walking stick on the way to the line up and was using that, so BoBo wanted to have his own walking stick… Oh BoBo, you hilarious!

Today, we went to visit some animals around town and then had pasketti dinner with Ryan, Angie, Makayla, and Corbin…


Oh heys everyone… here I is in some leaves…

To round off the day, Makayla and Corbin surprised me by giving me this beautiful wall hanging they colored… thank you, sweet lil ones!

All in all, this girl got spoiled… and I also broke my 5-1/2-month sugar-free streak by partaking in sugar. Oh laws, the flood gates are now opened. Aiming for once or twice a week on the sugar front… period… end of story!

Thank you to all of the friends and family for the gifts, the visits, the messages, the FB posts, etc. Y’all are the best!

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Just Call Me Spontaneity… Bwahahaha…

Hello… remember me from 7 years ago? The stick in the mud chick? The one who people feel the need to whap upside the head with a bag of 60-day-old bagels on account of the fact that she’s unmoving in her psycho scheduled ways? Yeah… that’s right… it’s me! Hello! Except now my psycho scheduled ways which should include cool stuff like sleeping more than 30 minutes and exercising and doing homework at a decent hour, etc., etc., etc., also includes serving invisible burgers and fries to a snake and a googly-eyed giraffe for 0 cents an hour on a 3×5 phone screen. SOMEONE… STEP UP TO THE PLATE with that bag of stale bagels, yo! For everyone’s sanity… I beg of you!

In less overly dramatic news… Friday night I went to bed with plans to wake up on Saturday, menu plan, grocery shop, hit the farmer’s market, take some fallish pictures, and sit down to read my 900 pages of literature reading for the week. You know, the usual… Instead I woke up, bought last minute tickets to Maroon 5 in Salt Lake City, and became the queen of spontaneity! Bwahahahaha… I can’t say that with a straight face. Believe you me… the stick was still wedged up there pretty tight. Only once in a blue moon. You see, my sweet Madre has her a crush on Adam Levine… and her bucket list was lacking seeing him live and in person, so we remedied that! I rarely say no to a concert… unless it’s the 20-year reunion of Barney The Purple Dinosaur and Friends… cannot take the cheese! We had pretty great seats… I mean… this is how close!

Madre got her fangirl on… she’s like be still my beating heart… and I didn’t get thrown up on or beered once! It was a miracle! I forgot how many hit songs they had… I knew pretty much everything they sang.


“Sugar”


“Moves Like Jagger”

Thanks Adam Levine for the lesson in spontaneity! Let’s do it again… but next time with at least 3 weeks notice! 😛

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On the way we got to stop off and visit my Baby BoBo… hims was so excited to see my owly phone… me, not so much! We dropped by Gardner Village to see the witches…


BoBo’s like… Auntie Whitty Woo… look at all your new warts!


BoBo did not like this horsie… so big bro, Ethan got on and rode with him!


Hey everyone… giddy up! I a cowboy!


BoBo is also corn fed… here he is shucking his own kernels.

To update on my sugar-freeness… still sugar-free… 5 months this week. Still substituting with salty things and Diet Dr. Pepper. I’ve decided wiring my mouth shut might not be such a bad thing.

Have a fabulous Monday, friends!

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Cliche`s…

I got a note from my literature professor after the last paper I handed in that told me I oversaturated my paper with cliche`s! I was all like, well, you can lead a cow to the barn door, but you can’t make him sit on a chicken! That’s right… take that and smoke it. After I read that critique I spent the next two hours in my head space trying to think of all the cliche`s I could to use in my next paper. I’m raring to go… as the saying goes one person’s meat is another person’s poison, so absence does really make the heart grow fonder when a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet.

Help a gal out… leave me your favorite cliche`s in the comments! I have until December to use them all up!

Oh boy… they don’t know what they signed up for when they made my brain space! I tell you right now y’all!

We celebrated this boy’s birthday last night… albeit 2 weeks late! Corbin is 9… say it ain’t so!

This picture must sum up sibling rivalry at its finest!

Happy birfday, Dude! Next year you’ll be double digits… I wouldn’t recommend it!

BoBo’s like… hey errybody… look at me doing jazzy hands!

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Double X Treatment…

Busy weekend wherein I was supposed to squeeze in a gallon and a half of homework but ended up squeezing in approximately zero give a craps. That a girl, Whitney! You show them who’s boss down there at the due date office!

Instead I got to babysit my BoBo pal on Friday evening and all day Saturday while Lindsay and my mom attended a shindig. BoBo and I went on a walk to see some horsies, but it was so boring he fell asleep 12 times on the way there. We also went to a park to swing on some swings and pretend drive a wooden boat, BoBo was so over the playground. He was like, you seen one playground, you seen them all… let’s go to the bar! Oh baby… maybe when you’re two we’ll hit up the only bar here in town, “The White Owl”. Something to look forward to!


BoBo waving bye bye to the playground. Let’s jet, Auntie Whitty Woo!

BoBo got to eat his first creamie… 4 months of being sugar-free meant Auntie Whitty was mostly really jealous!

I gave him a pet kitty who will let BoBo give him kisses on account of the fact that he’s stuffed in a coma… slobbery kitty kisses for the win…

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Sunday afternoon we headed down to Salt Lake City to “meet the seats” in the new Eccles Theater. Madre bought season tickets for the first time in her life because she wants the opportunity to have the much sought after “Hamilton” tickets when it comes to town next year. Lindsay made us a deliciousfull dinner before (thank you, Poodle Head)! We brought royalty with us (what up, Karen) so we were pretty danged prestigious… except with Madre’s seats in row double X we were more like the peasants who scraped the cow manure off the royalty’s gold-plated shoes. Everyone there knew Karen because she’s the “ticket lady” Next time, Karen… tell them to bring in tastified sugar-free version of those lemon cookies. It’s the least they could do for royalty!


Those are royalty’s seats… Madre’s are further back… in double X!


15th anniversary of 09/11. I still remember that day back in 2001, hearing about the havoc when my radio alarm clock rang for me to get up to go to school. It was surreal then, and it’s still surreal to even think about. May God Bless America… we’re gonna need it, especially after this election!

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