Category Archives: Little Things

Drunk and Disorderly…

Hey blog… I know it’s so 2005 but every so often I get the pull to write in you… usually it’s for some monumental happening or to remind myself of the minutiae of my daily life so I don’t bore a hole through my eyeball out of sheer and utter boredom. Sometimes it’s because I like to journal, and let’s be honest, this is basically the only journal I’ve ever kept up consistently. That handwritten one I started in 1st grade is like 7 pages in… which would be good and all, except I’m 39… not 7-1/2… you can see my dilemma.

So, why did I pick today, January 15, 2018? Is it to update the world on my holiday happenings? The holiday where my entire family got sick with the blueblonic plague and I managed to not get it and survived to tell the tale of how I had to dodge coughing and sneezing and puking and all manner of nastiness floating through the airwaves and one day I ran out of Clorox wipes and I almost anxietied off the face of this Earth? I know you’re intrigued…

Or am I about to tell about the time I took a trip to the beaches of California where-in I crashed an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting on the beach one early morning and almost blended in, except for the fact that I didn’t because they didn’t offer me any alcohol-free carrot cake. Intrguing, yes, but nah… that’s not the reason.

I could tell about the adventures of Baby Bubby and Auntie Whitty Woo and how we got to hang out with neighbor Thomas at the jump park and McDonald’s… and how they’re both still alive to tell the tale! You’re welcome. Nope… that’s not it.

Instead, I’m about to tell the tale of how I went to Great Clips this past week to get my 3 hairs trimmed and almost got accosted by some weird, creepy drunk dude. Yep… that there is some newsworthy blogging crap… I’ll tell you right now! And yes, I said Great Clips… sue me… I get my 3 hairs cut for $15 plus tip… and I seem to save $200, mother and Lindsay! ūüėõ

So, anyway, I went to Great Clips and when I arrived there was this dude in the parking lot, just hanging out with some other dude who was talking on his cellphone… No big deal… it’s winter and he’s wearing shorts and a short sleeved T-shirt, talking on the cellphone outside… whatever floats your boat people from Utah. When I got out of my car to go into the salon, the dude not talking on his phone decided to go in too. There was a long line, a 30-minute wait I was told, but there were also 6 or 8 girls cutting hair, so the line would move pretty quickly. I stood beside him while I was waiting to check in… he had a stench about him… a strong one. Alcohol… definitely a lot of alcohol and he seemed unsteady on his feet, swerving and bobbing around. He was also humming to himself. I checked in and then out of the blue this mystery man pointed to a pretty young blonde girl who happened to be sweeping up the hair off the floor and said really loudly, “I want her to cut my hair… oh yeah… her!” And then he made this low cackling noise like some psychotic witch person. If I were that girl, I’d have started running right then and there and never stopped until I hit Bermuda. One of the other stylists tried to explain to him that she was just the receptionist and was not licensed to cut hair, but he wouldn’t hear it. He was insisting that she still try to cut his hair or else he’d leave (okay, see ya… let me help you out). That matter got dropped for a minute, but then he started waltzing around the salon standing behind random stylist and their customers and laughing that weird, creepy, cackly laugh like he was some villan from a Batman movie. He was told several times he needed to sit down, but he didn’t.

One of the stylists asked if he was “John” (name changed to protect anonymity) and he insisted that wasn’t his name (side note: it definitely was). She asked him what his name was, and he replied that he was “Scooby”. As in Doo? I almost asked. The stylist tried to get him to sit down so she could cut his hair and then he’d leave everyone alone, but he was back to insisting that the receptionist be the one to cut his hair and he still wouldn’t take no for an answer, so she took me back instead and as the girl was trying to cut my hair her hands were shaking so bad she could barely do it. He resumed his waltz around the shop standing creepily behind people and cackling. Finally, my stylist went up to him and told him he’d need to leave or she’d have to call the police. To which he loudly called her an expletive delete and then staggered on out the door. About 5 minutes later, his friend, cellphone shorts dude, came into the shop wondering where “John” was… and he was informed that he’d been sent away because he’d been harrassing everyone. So, now “John” is all wandering around outside in 30-something weather with no coat and only 1/4 of a brain drunk off his aspercreme. If you see him, don’t let me know… I’m still having nightmares about that creepy cackle of his… y’all don’t even know!

*****

Meanwhile… today starts week 2 of the new healthy habits challenge I signed up for. Change is good… It’s been nice to have the accountability back after my not-so-stellar holiday eating smorgasboard.

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Y’all… be prepared for mulleted BatBoy… flying through the towns saving all of the kitties… until bed time… and then regular Batman takes over.

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Just Stuff…

I’ve had the same song running through my noggin for the last 3 days… it’s my usual go to, “My Funny Valentine”… the one I have no clue why I constantly get stuck in my head because I actually really dislike the song… but whatever brain space. Whatever…

In other even less interesting news, I’ve determined that wishy washiness and job hunting do not go hand in hand. It’s too bad that wishy washy is my middle name. Also, is there like a vacation from job hunting or is it like a neverending process of self-confidence depressors? I’m a bit frustrated at this point… but carry on I will because my other middle name is also “trudges through the muck and mire”. I best head off and get myself a trade, I guess… like Burger King bathroom cleaner or unsanitary meat packer… maybe grape stomping and cheese packaging since there are cheese factories around town. Oh boy… dream big, Whitmeister!

Until then… enjoy these pictures and video of Baby BoBo who has recently learned how to say Whitney… or it’s more like Whi… but I count it as such!


BoBo is really smart… he could use sign language to tell you all of his colors and animals, etc., at a very early age, but he hasn’t been that interested in talking until recently… so go Baby BoBo! Also, hims poor teefies… one of them is chipped now after he fell face first into the pavement… hey, I didn’t give him those genes!

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BoBo and I decorated Harley with these little puffy balls, I told him to sit by Harley and CHEESE so I could get a picture of them… sadly he sat in front of the puffy balls so we just get crazy cheeses…

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Be A Rhinoceros…

The above picture has been going around the internet meant as a source of inspiration to follow one’s dreams for years now. I’ve seen many a person post it to their social media accounts and/or blogs as a way to motivate themselves and others. My opinion on this supposedly innocent little inspirational picture… I HATE it! Not only that, I also find it dangerous, and like most/ALL of the political candidates this year, it’s also serving only to subliminally plant evil vibes of low self-esteem and even lower self-worth. In short… IT SUCKS!

Explain yourself, Whitney! It’s a happy rhinoceros chasing his dream of becoming a gallant unicornhorse majig with a luxurious mane and tail, slim and strong, heroic and beautiful. There’s only one problem… that rhinoceros isn’t a unicorn… he will never be a unicorn… no matter how many laps he does on that treadmill or how many biceps curls he does at the gym. He will never have a luxurious mane or tail, and he will never grow a horn of such beauty and majesty. He won’t. He’ll always be a beautiful, gallant rhinoceros!! End of story!

And you know what, that’s a beautiful thing. He wasn’t meant to be a unicorn… he was put on this Earth to be a rhinoceros… and his goal in this life is to become the best dighibbed rhinoceros he can be. He can run on that treadmill to become a healthier, trimmer rhino… but he’s always going to be a rhino. Embrace yourself, sweet rhino. You have so many things to offer this world that the unicornhorse majig doesn’t. People need your rhino skills and your rhino personality. They need you to be you… because there’s no one on this Earth just like you… and that makes you dagnabbed special. Never forget that!

Be a rhinoceros, my friends… because you’re awesome… and also, unicorns don’t exist!

*****

Lookit my Baby BoBo… hims wants to eat cat ears for dinner! Give it to him, Lindsay!

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Pan-Handling…But Not Literally!

It’s hard to type tonight. ¬†I’m currently wearing 3 Band-Aids on my fingers on account of the fact that I made the mistake of getting in the middle of a fight between the cat and her shower rug… and then the 3rd finger I managed to grate to death. ¬†Anyone for grated bloody finger skin on top of your taco!?!? ¬†Yeah… that was nasty. ¬†I apologize for saying it whilst not wearing my rose-colored glasses. ¬†So, moral of the story: ¬†Let the cat have her dagnabbed shower rug and buy pre-grated cheese. ¬†Who invented the grater anyway!?!? ¬†Obviously someone with more talent and skin than I have!

In other news, a month or so back, I entered a #GiftToast contest spons0red by JCPenney and Trisha Yearwood to win one of her pan sets. ¬†I entered it thinking it would just be like any other contest I enter… chances slim to none that I’ll ever get that 1 minute it took to type my name and info back. ¬†The last time I won something it was as a teeny bopper when I won a typewriter for entering an essay contest at GuidePosts Magazine. ¬†When I say “won” I really mean I only won it for like an hour. ¬†When they figured out that my birthday fell short of the age limit by a year, they took it back. ¬†I was too young. ¬†Y’all… can you believe how old I am!!! ¬†I won a freaking TYPEWRITER when I was 15… a TYPEWRITER!?!?!? ¬†Oh my laws, Grog, get me my chisel.

To make a short story even longer, I haven’t really won anything since, so I guess I was overdo because you could have knocked me over with a feather when Trisha Yearwood private messaged me to tell me that I had won her pan set! ¬†I then immediately started giggling like a mental patient and I’m sure when I answered her back I said some really idiotic things. ¬†Whitney and the idea of talking to a famous person do not go hand in hand… even if it’s behind a computer/phone screen! ¬† Scratch that… Whitney and the idea of talking to ANYONE do not go hand in hand!

They arrived this past week… I’m pretty sure it’s a sign that I should cook more… and dump more bottles of oregano… and grate off my fingers more!

They’re ceramic non-stick so they’re super nice, and the clean up is a snap… especially since you can throw them in the dishwasher. ¬†Look at me being all advertisey and such. ¬†It was not one of the prerequisites to winning, I can assure you!

All in a day’s work… a $150 to $300 pan set for FREE… not lottery winning big yet, but a girl’s gotta work up to that. ¬†An hour with a typewriter… pan set… BILLION DOLLARS! ¬†But I guess first I’d have to become a gambler. ¬†Eh… is Ed McMahon’s prize patrol still out there!?

Question of the Day:  Have you ever won anything?  If so, what was it?  

There was blue sky for approximately 2 minutes this morning before the heavy layer of inversion took over. ¬†It’s the little things!

Baby BoBo Bear picture of the week… BoBear in a basket!

As if!!

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Thanking My Lucky Clementines…

Y’all… run out to the nearest grocery bin and buy up all the Cutie clementines! ¬†They are finally in season and mark my words when clementines are in season they are in season for approximately 52 minutes before the nastier Cutie mandarins come in and take their place. ¬†I’ve held a grudge against the nastarins (nasty + mandarins = nastarins) since I figured out the sly trick they pull every year. ¬†Right now I have 3 bags of clementines for me alone… will that be enough to last the whole winter? ¬†NO! ¬†I need more! ¬†Someone check back with me in 2 weeks and ask me how many moldy rancid clementines I have. ¬† Answer… at least 3 bags give or take how many more I buy between now and then in my panic to preserve clementine season.

***

It’s that time of year… the time of year I quit being crusty for 4-1/2 seconds and reminisce about the things I’m thankful for… this year and every year. ¬†Again, broken record here, but I’m just going to point out that the things I’m thankful for every year rarely change. ¬†Funny how that works. ¬†I guess if I can continue being thankful for the same things year after year after year, that is only ever a good thing, and must mean that those things I’m thankful for every year are constants and not fleeting flash in the pan happinesses. ¬†I’d say that requires another bag of clementines in celebration. ¬†CLEMENTINES FOR EVERYONE! ¬†Without further adieu, my thankfulnesses 2015 version, in no particular order.

I’m thankful for my family, for the people they are and the support they show me. ¬†It’s nice to know that a group of wild hyenas have my back at all times… even if most of those times they may or may not want to stab me in it… understood… I’ve seen it all on 48 Hours: Mystery. ¬†I’m thankful for my innocent sweet baby BoBo and his ability to bring us all together and make us all smile and remember what this life is all about.

 

Side note: ¬†Madre is a serious baby BoBo hog and everyone on all sides of the family know what to do when she is around… tie her to the nearest chair and haul off to the next county with the baby in tow.

I’m thankful for sweet friends, those who I may not see or talk to on a regular basis, but when we do get together it’s like no time has passed at all. ¬†I truly cherish the friendships I have made over the years and am thankful for all that you put up with to remain my pal. ¬†CLEMENTINES FOR YOU ALL READING THIS!

I’m thankful for gifts and talents that I’ve been blessed with. ¬†It’s easy for me to compare myself to others, and when I do I fall 8 billion miles short on all fronts, but I fail to remember that I’m here to be Whitney… unique in abilities and talents. ¬†I’m a conglomeration of all the things God saw fit to bless me with, and to take those for granted would be doing a big disservice to my Heavenly Father and to myself. ¬†I’m thankful for my ability to become one with a song, one with the lyrics and the music until it’s like I’m living whatever journey the song is taking me on. ¬†I’m thankful for my interpretive skills and for the joy, peace, and comfort that singing brings me. ¬†I recently did a 45-minute singing and nondancing program at the Maple Springs Assisted Living in Brigham City a week or so ago. ¬†I found myself griping about feeling flustered trying to get off work, and drive the 30+ miles each way in the middle of a work day. ¬†Madre asked why I always say yes, and it was only then it hit me… because that’s where I get my joy. ¬†Those sweet assisted living folks aren’t the benefactors, I am. ¬†So, thank ¬†you for indulging me and letting me find my joy on occasion. ¬†In the meantime, I’ll sit down and shut up on the griping front.

I am thankful for a God who is quite the painter of beauty. ¬†The nature that he blesses us all with, ever changing with the seasons, is something that I never get tired of looking at… and attempting to photograph on my 0.000000555 pixel camera phone. ¬†My majestic mountains that let me know I’m home… the trees like tall spindly kindred spirits. ¬†One of my favorite things to do is to watch the clouds. ¬†Those fluffy balls of cotton roaming amidst an ocean of blue sky bring me so much peace.

I’m thankful for my freedom and the ability I have to geezerify my way through college at the ripe old age of 20 plus 90. ¬†I’m also grateful that there is now a light at the end of my neverending schooling tunnel. ¬†When I first began 4 or 5 years ago now, ¬†I was overwhelmed by how long it was going to take me to finish only going part time so that I could also work full time. ¬†The thought of it made me want to quit on the spot, but I’ve stuck with it. ¬†I’ve surpassed every negative “can’t do it” thought and busted my way through to near completion… me, the girl who is known for starting things but never finishing them.

I’m thankful for a job, a roof over my head (even if I daydream way too often about a place of my own), food on the table (too much of it most times, but food nonetheless), my best kitty Lucy-Fur (even if she’s annoying the heck out of me at nights now that it is getting cold and she wants in and out of the house 1200 times per night). ¬†I’m grateful to live in a country where we have access to clean water and education and freedoms that some countries don’t even get to dream of.

I’m thankful for so many more things, but this is getting long and my eyes are getting heavy, so I’ll stop here for now. ¬†I’m thankful for all of you! ¬†Now, go out and buy you some dagnabbed clementines!

*****

Makayla and Corbin and I played a game of… uh… who knows? ¬†Pretty sure there were no rules until I broke one, and then they made sure to announce the new rule on the spot!

I’d also like to introduce you to a special guest we had to dinner tonight. ¬†An original cast member from the Ten Commandments movie wearing her costume and everything!!! ¬†For those of you who consider my mom a fashionista, I’d like to introduce you to her Sunday evening attire…

 

I rest my case…

Baby BoBear has discovered hims cute tongues…

Happy THANKSGIVING this week y’all! ¬†If you’re traveling, do it safely. ¬†If you’re not traveling, eat some turkey wearing Madre’s Sundee finest in her honor!

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October Colors Bring November Browns…

April showers bring May flowers ain’t got nothing on the new fall version I done just made up. ¬†Except it doesn’t so much rhyme… I’ll work on that. ¬†Poe wasn’t born in a day… or maybe he was. ¬†The things you think about when you are procrastinating doing your homework usually don’t make any sense. ¬†Just a little glimpse into my daily empty brain syndrome.

Before I go any further, I just wanted to thank all you friends for your sweet birthday wishes. ¬†It’s not as exciting as it used to be to turn another year older. ¬†It just means another ache will appear and eeyore’s cloud will barf all over my negative brain. ¬†I don’t have a lot to say right now, so we’ll just move on to the pictures… a picture is worth a thousand words, so this here blog post is actually pretty dang too long. ¬†You are welcome.

Going to go out on a limb here and say that these folks really are fans of the cemetery/dead people decoration look.  I mean, whatever floats your boat.

They’re breaking my heart here… starting the dig up the canal/cut down tree phase of making the canal water run underground in the backyard. ¬†Way to ruin my future backyard pictures, city!

Happy Fall, y’all sweet people.

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Headless Peoples On Main Street…

I consider myself a very jumpy person. ¬†I jump at the sound of someone coming into the same room I’m in and have been known to holler when the water heater turns on. ¬†I think it all stems back to the fact that I’m a wimp and when I was a kid my dad would often wake us up for school in the mornings by throwing open the bedroom door and yelling¬†HEY!!¬†really loudly. ¬†That gets the heart a racing, I tell you what! ¬†My family thinks it’s hilarity to the highest degree to scare the bagoobers out of me… I can’t help that my head has bobblehead qualities. ¬†It’s like family entertainment night to sneak behind me and slap me upside the head just so they can hear me scream when I jump and watch my head bobble. ¬†Forget the movie! ¬†Obviously, I don’t get the fascination, but to each their own.

That said, obviously deciding to go to a downtown ghost tour walk was probably an embarrassment waiting to happen! ¬†I did it anyway… drug my friend, Karrie along to wander around Main Street in the dark. ¬†There were a few jumpy moments when we watched the play,¬†The Fall of the House of Usher¬†by Edgar Allan Poe. ¬†There were a few jumpy moments as we traipsed down Main Street and entered old buildings to hear ghost stories, but then there was the time we crossed Main Street on foot, a group of us following our guides to the next ghost story location, Karrie and I bringing up the rear, when all of a sudden this thing galloped out from behind some trees and Whitney nearly collapsed from fright!

Picture courtesy of Logan Downtown Facebook page.

Y’all… the horse was right up in my face like literally inches away… I could feel the breath coming out the horse’s nostrils. ¬†Whenever I’d try to go around it, the headless dude either couldn’t see where he was going on account of the fact that he didn’t have a head or he was trying to scare the bagoobers out of me and kept weaving whichever way I’d weave to get past him. ¬†That poor horse anyway… some 300+-pound chic kept screaming in its nostril holes for a good 10 minutes. ¬†And we were the last in the group so it’s not like he had anyone else to go after when they all ran for their lives and I was stuck doing the 2-step with a headless horse dude! ¬†Do you see the horse has red eyes… do you SEE!?!?!? ¬†Oh my crimeny. ¬†If I ever need my heart defibrillated, I’ll just run into this thing again in the dark. ¬†My friend, Karrie was no help at all on account of the fact that she was trying to get a picture of it, but was laughing so hard she couldn’t hold the camera still enough to get a good one in the dark. ¬†It’s a good thing I’m potty trained! ¬†When I FINALLY got around the horse dude… I think he finally took pity on me and continued on down the lane… this zombie looking dude with a pale white bloody face jumped out at me and began following us cackling and spouting nonsense about wanting to eat us. ¬†I mentioned to Karrie that he was stalking her, to which he chimed in,¬†I’m stalking you too!¬†¬† Obviously I’d be the first on the menu! ¬†¬†I’d recommend therapy, pale face.

After the 2-step dance practice, we headed to the movie theater to see Meet the Mormons.  Three thumbs up to a feel good, funny, and positive movie that beautifully illustrates that Mormons are not aliens, but regular everyday people!  Go see it!

In other news… it’s officially fall when we pick out pumpkins for the front stoop. ¬†I wanted to buy this one… unphotogenetically (where the crimeny puffs am I looking? ¬†It’s like there’s a horseman galloping through the sky fields)… because it was the easiest one to carry.

Instead, we picked a variety of heavier ones… my favorite is the white and orange one…

Happy October friends… I hope y’all can get out and enjoy the fall colors!

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