Category Archives: Lucy-Fur

Amelia Bedelia’s In the House…

Who remembers those cute Amelia Bedelia children’s books?  The books about the unfortunate lady who happens to be a clutz and a disaster all rolled into one?  I think she might be my mother.  I had to get the genes from someone!  Tonight, within the space of 20 minutes, I managed to slice a chunk in my thumb whilst cutting onions with a crappy steak knife (useful instruments are my specialty); start a dried noodle that was sticking to the stove on fire; shake what I thought was a closed lid on a bottle of hot sauce which then squirted all over my neck, chin, and hair; and burn a sauteeing onion because I was too busy cleaning up my hot-sauced hair.  Twenty minutes… 52 disasters.  So, basically, the house almost burnt down, I smell like a burnt burrito joint, and I can see the bone in my thumb.  That right there is some TALENT with a capital all the letters!  When I’m done with all that, I think I might come to your house and help you collect some insurance money, yo!  Who’s first in line?

In unrelated news… yesterday, I wanted to make one last jaunt to my happy place to check out some fall leaves… turns out I was about 2 weeks late on the prettiest fall leaves, I guess the snow brought ’em down, instead I got to see some dead trees and trudge through mud, see snow, and brave the wind stinging my hands and nose at something like 35 degrees… with no coat… or socks… or shoes… or diamond-studded headband.  Fine… the socks and shoes were a lie, but the coat and diamond headband are totes the truth!  Eh well… better luck next year, chap.  I still got to see some beauty amidst the dead and cold.

 

The obligatory melting snow picture…

T

 

 

Meanwhile, Lucy-Fur sucks at hide-and-go-seek…

I hope this isn’t a reflection on my hide-and-go-seek skillz.  Seriously, Lucy-Fur!

 

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What the!?

Ever since I found those nastee white bacterial worms roaming around my grape tomato container on Friday evening I’ve been having nightmares.  Last night I dreamt I lived in a hut amidst a whole community of white bacterial wormy things and they were slowly and gradually eating away at my flesh and multiplying by the billions.  Thank you, Biology class for putting those numbers out there into my head space.  I can’t be certain, but I’m pretty sure girl-with-a-stick-up-her-patookus-about-all-things-germs is probably the last person in the world who needs to see that.  Needless to say, despite my major grape tomato addiction, I have been cured… at least for now.  I’m sure eventually I’ll buck up and go back to eating a Sam’s Club container a week… the things are tastee on everything!  But, in the meantime, I’m going to leave that super food behind… maybe I’ll just move onto red peanut butter M&Ms.  Totally a fair calorizing trade off.  Plus, pretty sure you can eat peanut butter M&Ms with EVERYTHING!!  😛

Nextly… my Earth Science teacher, who I’m certain is a knock off on Bill Nye the Science Guy, has these mandatory “challenge projects” that he throws at us every 2 weeks.  They’re called “challenge” projects because they are meant to be a “challenge.”  I’m all like, “Eh… no big deal… as long as I read the textbook and listen to all the lectures, I should be able to ace that sucker, right!?”  WRONG!!!  I got my hands on the first challenge project this past week and if he wasn’t writing/speaking in Swahili, I’ll eat my head.  This is an INTRODUCTION to Earth Science.  I’m not a geologist.  I’m not a mathmetician.  I’m here to take this required class to learn about the Scientifical Earth… and maybe a little bit about martians.  Here’s the formula I was expected to solve to figure out via lead/uranium dating how old a rock is:

SOLVE FOR T!!!!   Oh… okay.  Easy… take the square root of shove it multiply by who gives a crap and then subtract flunked out of Calculus in high school and you should get your answer for T, which flew over my aqua-netted bangs in the 90s!  He actually said the following in the instructions:  Introductory Science textbooks do not talk about uranium-lead dating because it is so complex.  But you are a USU college student, and I think you can solve this problem.  Oh okay… well, you totes underestimated I would be in your class… aqua-netted bangs and all!

So, I attempted to solve it by myself.  For a week, I scoured the Internet for articles on uranium-lead dating, read every single one of them… watched every single YouTube video on the subject… emailed my professor 4 times… his replies back to me were still all in Swahili and he didn’t give me the answer, which I straight up asked for in the 4th email.  I even had one fellow student dude from my class email me asking if I could help HIM out.  Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha…  I found that pretty comical.

So, I gave up, but Saturday my genius 17-year-old nephew Christian, and his genius friend, Matt were coming up, and so I twisted their arms to help me out… which they did in the space of a few hours.  Smartie pants anyway!  Now I owe them a new car or some such nonsense.  😛  Some people who are 34 might feel pathetic having a couple of brilliant 17-year-olds help them out of a jam… but not me.  Next up, I’m going to the kindergarten class and pick me out a tutor!

Meanwhile, update on the progress of the dreaded flooded room:

These are the industrial fans rying out the pavement.  I thought it was important to have the “Sorry” game in the window.  I needed to apologize.   Lucy-Fur is loving having new hiding places to burrow her head into.  The other day, I discovered her “hiding” amidst the box spring mattress and bedding.

Don’t get too comfie, Lucy-Fur.  It ain’t gonna last!

 

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Lucy’s Paw…

Lucy showed up one morning last week limping like she done suffered a gunshot wound in a knife fight.  When I got to inspecting things, her whole front foot/paw was swollen to the size of a golf ball and she was having a hard time putting any sort of weight on it.  Of course I was annoyed.  I don’t have money to pay a vet bill right now… are you serious, Lucita Burrita!?  Plus, the vet down the street charges like 8000000000 dollars just to open the front door.  Believe me.  Last time I got peed on by a dog in the waiting room and they still charged me.  No discounts for the dog repellers!

I decided I’d give it a day to see if it would magically deliciously fix itself.  If you have a kid, you don’t take him/her to the doctor the first time he/she coughs… good grief!  Or maybe you do and I just had a risky childhood.  The time I broke my wrist whilst skiing at the age of 14, my folks still didn’t take me to the ER even after my wrist swelled up to the size of my giganta-head and was the color of a smooshed up grape vineyard.  Shake it off, Whitney… shake it off!  They also made me carry my own skis and poles down the mountain the rest of the way.  Who hates deductibles!?

Later that night it was worse… much bigger and uglier and nastier and she hadn’t eaten anything all day or drank anything either.  Very uncharacteristic for her to spend a whole day laying around the house.  She loves to frolic.  I’d made up my mind that night that the next morning I’d take her into the vet… wearing galoshes this time… because seriously peeing animals!  Behave!

But, by the next morning some of the swelling had gone down, so I held off for another day… 3 days later it looks back to normal.  I don’t know what went down… maybe she has a mysterious peanut allergy and/or she’s allergic to Madre and her mad face.  That’s the only face she knows from Madre!  Admit it!

Question of the Day:  Happy Weekend Friends!  Any big weekend plans? 

 

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