Category Archives: School

Happy Labor Day!

I hope no one is laboring on this holiday of labor… but if you are, make it a good one. I’m in the midst of banging my head against a wall back in Italian class… this will be my last semester of Italian, and it was 3 semesters too many! Whitney and languages are like dogs and cats, except with a bit less barking and teeth gnashing… scratch that… a bit MORE barking and teeth gnashing. My brain only holds information that interests me apparently. And since we NEVER talk about pizza and spaghetti and the beautiful Italian countryside in the actual Italian class, I mostly just sing “This Is The Song That Never Ends” over and over on repeat silently in my brain folds. Picking a major that requires 5 semesters of a foreign language was probably not my brightest move. The gift of tongues was not in my gift bag on the day of my birth, I’ll tell you that right now! The gift of teeth gnashing, on the other hand, was given to me in spades!!

The other class I have is my last requirement for my English minor… Perspectives in Literature. I’ve taken an English class from this particular professor before and he was 12 kinds of sweet to me, so he best step up his sweet game… aka give me an A+! It’s a lot of reading, so we’ll see if I can manage to reign in my ADD brain.

In other news, a few nights ago there was a mini tornado (aka the wind just blew really hard) and knocked several large branches out of the 800 old trees in the yard, so now I’m sporting 3 blisters/pressure sores in the web spaces between my thumb and forefinger from maneuvering a rake/broom for too long. They should really put a disclaimer on those rakes/brooms… DISCLAIMER: Do not use if you have the skin of a wimpy fairy lepper! I’m pretty sure normal people with normal skin would not have the same issues. Hear!? Meanwhile, some poor person in Africa is sweeping their dirt floor with a digdabbed porcupine fashioned into a broom… SHUT IT, WHITNEY!

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Here’s some BoBo cake bonus footage wherein he gets upset that people are ruining his precious kitty cat cake! For the love of kitty cats, leave cake kitty alone!!


Lookit my new cows, errybody… I gonna be in the rodeo!

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Finally…

I feel like I complain for 12 paragraphs in my blog lately and it’s annoying me so I can only imagine how much it must annoy other people, thus the sporadic posting… I think I could categorize my writing style as nonsensical complaininess with a few big point Scrabble words thrown in for smartness points… but really in my mind it’s more just blabbering about things I don’t want to do but have to do anyway, y’all hear? If that doesn’t make sense just take 2 Valium and then reread the paragraph… after it kicks in of course. But don’t really… this blog does not condone substance abuse… unless it’s chocolate or cheese… or bread… then by all means, substance abuse away! Meanwhile, some poor kid in Africa is sleeping on a pile of garbage… SHUT IT, Whitney!

This week marks finals week… OH THE HORRORS… aka Whitney has procrasternated all of her big projects and now she gets to pull 5 all-nighters in a row… this coming Friday at 11:59 p.m. there will be a sleeping shindig courtesy of my bed. Anyone is welcome to come as long as you are just here in spirit… I don’t really want you here in person… how’s that for a party!? Bring the cheese dip!

I feel like I should just take 2 deep breaths and jump into the fray but I’m feeling overwhelmed, so instead I’ll just play match the magical fruits on my phone for 62 hours and not do anything worthwhile. OH THE HORRORS of my nonworking brain space!

But on a positive note, this Friday at 11:59 MDT, I will be burning my physics book and never entering a physics class as long as I live! BYE PHYSICS!! Oh the joy!!!!!!!! If I can make it through this week of physics projects first…

If anyone needs me, knock 3 times on the imaginary door in your imagination and I’ll be sure to answer it within the next 2 weeks. You can’t expect me to be prompt… I’m sugar deprived!!

DAYS SUGAR-FREE COUNT: Uhhhh… I’ve lost count… nearly 3 months? We rounded up a week. I unlazied myself to look at my last post… DAY 84! Take that and smoke it!

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Happy Belated birthday to my sweet Madre this past Monday! On Wednesday we went on a summer funday shindig to celebrate… Tony Grove, Bear Lake, and Hairspray at Pickleville Playhouse! Very cute! I would highly recommend it!

PS – In things that actually matter news, if you are of the praying variety, would you please send some prayers up for my sweet step-nephew, Christian!? He was sent home from his mission on Friday on medical leave to figure out what is wrong with him… it’s looking like the dreaded “C” word, or more specifically leukemia. If anyone can take on that beast it’s this stellar guy!! We love you, Christian!!!!!


BoBo and his big bro, Christian from January… this is the day he left on his mission.

BoBo practicing for the all-night sleeping party!


Heys everyones… I plays in the waters!

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Mothballs and Geezer Teenagedom…

You know how when your dental hygienest recommends you to use a certain mouthwash, so you’ve been using it for years and you kind of love the way it makes your mouth feel all sparkly fresh? But then you know how years after you’ve been using this certain mouthwash every single day and then you go to a different dental hygienest who tells you that you shouldn’t be using that mouthwash because it has alcohol in it and alcohol is damaging to your teeth… and blah, blah, blah. You know? No one? coughcoughNOONECAREScoughcough. The new dental hygienest recommended a different kind of mouthwash to use because it’s alcohol-free and the dentist uses it too… and to boot IT’S PURPLE!!!! I’ve been using the new mouthwash now for the last month… and I have to say I HATE it with a passion of 72 cumquats! You know how when you get some rotten mothballs out of the attic, soak them in a pint of water, and then drink the water… THAT there is how this mouthwash tastes… NASTY! But I bought the huge bottle of it and dental hygienests are NEVER wrong (scratch the first one off the list)… so use it I will. In the meantime… DISCLAIMER: I’m a professional mothball eater, do not attempt mothball water at home…

In other equally as non-fascinating news, last week was record-breaking idiot making on my part. I mentioned last week I had 4 proctored tests to take due to my procrastination skillz and general lack of motivation to read anything textbook in the summer. I’m on a strike… it’s called Idiots Striking Common Sense. I’m not only a member, I’m the club president. So I pulled off late study nights and constant nightly reading sessions and by the end of the week I was spent and the teenage students running the proctored testing center all knew me by name. And to think finals week isn’t for 2 more weeks! Get used to it teenagers… Whitney is geezering her way to your center at least 6 more times in the next 3 weeks! Y’all celebrate my geezer teenagedom! Also, physics still sucks but they just discovered gravitational waves this year so I mean we’re living in a totes exciting physics time right now… and by exciting I really mean… SNORRRREEEEEE! Let me know when they discover sugar that isn’t sugar but still tastes like sugar! Momma wants a dagnabbed non-sugar-free sugar cookie with frosting and sprinkles and maybe a brownie with real chocolate frosting. Get on that physicists… make your mark in the world of Whitney’s Excitements! Did I mention it’s day 71 of sugar-freeness? Good. This week’s temptations included the aforementioned sugar cookies and a frigging chocolate sheet cake that I almost buried my entire face into.

PS – Happy Pioneer Day, Utah! I hope your celebrations include sugar and maybe a firework or three!

PPS – Happy 16th birthday to my nephew, Ethan tomorrow! Laws almighty… 16 already!? The roads of Utah welcome you to the driving club!


Baby BoBo knows he’s the coolest dude in school… him and hims glasses and gap teeth! You go, my baby!


Oh look… here’s my goodest pal, Harley! Meanwhile, Harley could not be less enthused!

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Yep, I’m Boring…

I have nothing news-worthy to blog about this week… okay, I never really have anything that news-worthy to blog about any week, but I still manage to yammer for a decade.  I’m serious this week.  It might be more exciting to watch hot tar run down a driveway.  Let’s see… Saturdee I bought myself some new socks and a toothbrush… it was blue… the toothbrush, not the socks.  Aside from that… I worked, read 8 bajillion pages in textbooks, drooled out both sides of my mouth, and pulled at least 12 hairs out whilst trying to write Italian dialogue.  My professor told me to quit using Google Translate on my homework… uh, I didn’t… but apparently that’s how talentedly bad I am at it.  It doesn’t work to translate directly she says… and that is why I won’t be an Italian Prime Minister… well, that and every other reason you can think of.

On Saturdee, there was the deer who decided to scare the bejeebers out of me by eating shrubbery 2 feet from my noggin…

I heard this rustling/scratching noise whilst reading one of the aforementioned textbooks and thought it was LucyFur scraping up the furniture again, so I turned into Tyrannical Trudy and began yelling at her to stop.  Turns out she wasn’t in the room, but this dudette wanted to join me for tea and crumpetts (great, Bambi… you bring the tea and crumpetts).

Speaking of LucyFur, she’s adopted some more annoying habits of late… aside from the waking Whitney up 12 times a night and scratching at the furniture in her cabin fever-induced state.  There’s usually construction going on on the back canal bank these days (have I mentioned how much I love the changes they are making!?  Because… NOT!)  She hates the rumbling big truck noises and feels the need to warn the villagers every time there are loud truck rumblings and noises… and to do that she just makes more noise on top of the noise by meowing at the top of her lungs for an hour until it stops.  She’s like Lassie, except no one has been saved from the well with her efforts.  She’s also inherited my OCD qualities by having to knead around the entire edges of whatever she wants to lie down on… case in point…

Did you fall asleep?  I told you!  That was only half of it, she did knead around the entire other side before I pressed record.  You are welcome!  Become an OCD baker, LucyFur… bring in some income!

Have a great week friends… guess what… It’s February next Monday!  HALLELUJAH!

Baby BoBear pictures of the week:

He says… Give me a cookie!!

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Couchless…

If anyone feels the need to adopt a giant overgrown woman child named Whitney now’s your chance.  I come with self-cleaning and self-cooking apps, so no need to fret over that.  I also make a mean handwashing police if you need someone to stand next to the sink and remind your kids they should wash their hands approximately once every 5 seconds.  You might want to store a baseball bat in the convenient under sink location, because after 30 seconds of the reminders, all bets are off.  Some people don’t even make it that long.

Why the need for grown woman child adoption papers?  I’m pretty much couchless as of Saturday night, and I do not know what to do with myself or myself’s rear receptacle.  Madre got a wild hair on Saturday morning and decided to try to sell the couch, chair, and ottoman on KSL classifieds.  Remembering she tried to sell a couch once before and not a one person bit, I was sure this would be the same outcome… until some dude came out on Saturday night, mere hours after she put the ad up, and paid cash for all 3 items!  So, now I’m couchless.  It’s like I’m wandering the streets of Vegas nekked and frantic, except with clothing.  Meanwhile, some poor people in Africa are smiling whilst sitting on a pile of cow dung… first world problems… expert complainer at your service.

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In other news, I’m having major senioritis this semester… there are 4 weeks left of fall semester and I have approximately zero “give a craps” left for homework and reading purposes.  The other day I wrote a 4 page paper using a thesaurus.  I just scrolled through the words, found the most impressive and giant ones and made sure those suckers were included.  I’m banking on the fact that a music professor does not read papers… but I’m guessing that is probably like saying a nerd never plays chess.  Not gonna happen, my geeks!  As for my Italian class… let’s just say if I ever accidentally get lost in Italy and no one around me speaks anything but Spanish and/or Italian, I’m dying in Italy.  If anyone finds my two “give a craps” could you FedEx them to me?  I’m pretty sure they will also carry over into Sprinter semester starting in January too.  One good thing… there is a light at the end of my neverending geezer schooling tunnel.  I can see the light… I hope I can crawl on all fours toward it in the next year.

SNOW!  Take a hike off a steep cliff down a ravine and far away from me!

This is Baby BoBo’s impersonation of the Donald Trump Windbag hairdo… kind of swoopy… but Baby BoBo is a lot cooler and smarter too!  😛

Also, could you just even with those cheekins!

BoBear thinks he’s pretty hilarious at the Sam’s Club with Auntie Whitty Woo!

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Wimpmeister Whitney…

To those of you giving birth this day… it’s your day… laboring next to an American flag is preferrable today, but if one isn’t available, a bedpan will do.  As for the rest of us, we’ll have to make due on this holiday not for us… change a diaper or something in memorium.  If anyone needs me, I’ll be curled up in the fetal position in the corner with my blanky and a binky.

Meanwhile, I mentioned briefly last week that fall semester started.  I had signed up for my classes, purchased all of my books, and was sitting in a pool of anxiety and dread at the thought of having to take a regular daytime class 3 days a week at my geezerly age of mid-30s.  It’s not geezerly to everyone, I realize, but if you be between the ages of 18 and 22, I might as well be taking my dentures out and walking around in adult diapers in my mid-30s.  I got up Monday morning early and I drug my aspercreme to that class.   Parking was horrendous on the first day and then I passed a dude wearing a pink bunny suit… which nearly made me sprint on back to my vehicle… you seen me sprint lately!?  I didn’t think so.  I made it to the classroom and settled into the back corner… the favorite of all introverted anti-socialites.  Hi Hermit Gertrude!  The professor knows me well.  I had her for Spanish both semesters last year, and I was basically the only student in the Logan classroom amidst 12 TVs from cities all over the state.  She is a sweet lady, but I’m pretty sure I’m older than her by a couple of years as well.  Hi… I’m apparently obsessed with my age.

There were about 30 or so students in that classroom and I was desperately looking around trying to find my fellow geezer compadres… who were not there!  The class consisted of us introducing ourselves to each other in Spanish in pairs of two, rotating out every couple of minutes.  I hated every minute of it.  When I’m shoved into making small talk with new people, I freeze and my brain gets all jumbled and it’s hard for me to get the right words to fit into the right sentence… and that’s when I’m introducing myself in English… my Spanish was rusty after having not touched a book for 4 months, so I mostly sat there and spoke awkward Spanglish… the language of the anxiety sufferers!  Everyone introduced them to me as being 20… I swear to you… every last one of them was 19 or 20… and so for every introduction I just said “muy vieja” (very old) for my age… that is when I could remember those words in my anxiety-seized brain.  One kid actually told me that because I was old, I’d have more world experience and could guide my compadres through the class.  Please shut thy mouth young fry.  When the class was over, I had made up my mind that I wasn’t ever coming back.  And when I make up my mind (which is rarely as I’m the wishy washy queen), it’s a hard sell for me to change it.

That night, I dropped the class and had to absorb the cost of the book since I had signed in using the access code and now no one else could use it.  Wimpmeister Whitney at your service…

Now, the rose-colored glasses part.  I honestly considered not finding another to replace the Spanish class… which would have messed up my graduation plan drastically and I’d have to attend at least a year more than I would have had I stayed in.  I have a handfull of semesters left before I can graduate and in my major I need at least 4 to 5 semesters of a foreign language.  I have 2 semesters of Spanish and if I were to switch to another language, I’d be looking at 3 more semesters of the other language, instead of 4 semesters of Spanish.  I bucked up and signed up for Italian, which is taught online, went up to the bookstore the next day and bought the book.  Honestly, as wimpy as it seems, I feel 10 times better about my decision now that it is done and over with.  Languages are hard for me to learn anyway, and I might as well make it as comfortable on myself as possible.  There are other things I can conquer the introvert issues with… and not be looked at as Grandma Whitney.

The other class is a requirement for one of the goals in my major, History of Jazz music, which is totally up my alley.  I love me some Jazz and it will be interesting to learn the history of it.  No wimping out there.
Here’s some angry BoBo Bourneo for your viewing pleasure.  He was pretty pissed when I told him about the class too!

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All Gave Some and Some Gave All…

Billy Cyrus from the 90s anyone?  The above song was actually one of his more tolerable (nee any song that isn’t Achy Breaky Heart… sorry I had to mention the title outloud… for research purposes you see).  And that was the detour way for me to get to the point… having just had Memorial Day, I wanted to add my thank you to all of those who have served our country in the past, present, and future… and especially for those families who lost a loved one in the service.  I don’t have the bravery (or frankly the skillz, temperament, cajones, clothing, mental fortitude, etc., etc., etc.)  to do what y’all did/do/will do, so thank you, thank you, thank you!!  And many more… if y’all ever need a piece of toast, I make a mean one.  (I’d offer other of my baked goods, but I don’t have the insurance policy to cover chipped teeth accidents).  Afghanistan ain’t got nothing on my chocolate chip lead cookies.

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I keep having this recurring nightmare.  I’m not sure why I’m having it of late as the incident happened way back when I was in the 8th grade attending North Trash Junior High (that wasn’t a typo… it was over 100 years old and crumbling to pieces when we attended).  We ate lunch out on a stairway that was basically a rubble field of cement pieces.  The incident in question?  The school being as old as it was had very narrow hallways in the basement.  Let’s face it… it was in Utah, children per capita is approximately 8800000 children to 1 adult (give or take 7999700).  Squish all them kids into one narrow hallway and let’s have a lawsuit on our hands!

There were rows of lockers lining both sides of said hallway stacked 2 deep, which made the hall even narrower when everyone was trying to get into their lockers whilst everyone else was trying to walk down the hall.  Needless to say it was a claustrophobic person’s hell on earth!  One particular morning before the first bell starting school had rung, the power went out in said hallway and being the hyped up, nerve-ridden, hormonal 14 year olds we were, everyone started freaking out.  We were packed in there like sardines anyway and now with no way to see 2 inches in front of us.  This led to some jerk football boys deciding it would be a good idea just to barrell through everyone like bulldozers.  I was kneeling on the ground getting into my lower locker when it happened, I was knocked over onto the ground and then was unable to get back up as a herd of buffalo trampled over the top of me.  I just covered my head with my arms and thought I was going to suffocate amidst it all.

After what seemed like 8 hours… (I’m sure it was nothing more than a few minutes), I was finally able to drag myself up off the floor into a sitting position, I was bleeding and I no longer had my gargantuan glasses on my face.  Since I was blind without my glasses and the hallway was still dark and extremely tight, there was no way I would be able to find my glasses.  I sat there bawling like a 2-year-old (oh the embarrassment) until the lights finally came back on and one of my friends realized I was hurt.  She searched for my gargantuan glasses only to discover they had been mutilated in the buffalo stampede, broke clear in half and the lenses popped out.  We took the broken pair into the orchestra room and tried to cobble them together with some masking tape… because I didn’t already look like Urkel on Steroids with just the neck crimping-sized glasses alone… no… let’s add tape to the look and then shatter the lenses.  I spent the rest of the day walking around with injuries and taped broken glasses.  Like my mom would have picked me up… the school was in Richmond, which is a good half hour drive from where she worked.   I just had to wait for the bus ride later that afternoon.

I woke up the other night flailing in my sleep as if I was trying to thwart the football buffalo stampede.  It’s funny the things that stick with you for forever and 12 days… I was 14 ages and ages ago said Grandma Olive… but in my vivid dreams it felt like it was happening now.  I’m pretty sure these days I could take on the whole herd with 2 arms tied behind my back.  Come at me, bros!   Mama needs a new pair of spectacles!

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In other news… for those who don’t have Facebook and have been asking how to get tickets to Mary Poppins, they just went on sale this weekend.  Go to http://www.fourseasonstheatre.org/ and click on the “Get Your Tickets Now” tab on the right hand side.  If you have a family you are bringing and want the family discount, call (435) 535-1432.  I believe the discount is buy 2 tickets at the regular price of $10 and then after that each ticket is just $5.  (NOTE:  To family who are insisting they are coming from far distances, you really don’t need to.  I’m in the thing for approximately 10 minutes total and it would be a long drive just to support that… There are no expectations and if I were you, I’d say to myself WWWD (what would whitney do)… uh… she’d totally skip the long drive too!)

So, I’m puzzled by this weird weather we’ve been having.  We live in a desert for a reason and it has rained every single day for the last month and a half… but the weird part of it is that there is usually some lovely blue sky in the area where I am not woggercizing.  I try to walk toward it, but this is all I see in my vicinity:

I’m like Eeyore, except less grey around the gills!  I really need to invest in an umbrella that actually covers my gargantuan head if this keeps up!  Stop the madness, Grucilla!

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