Billy Cyrus from the 90s anyone? The above song was actually one of his more tolerable (nee any song that isn’t Achy Breaky Heart… sorry I had to mention the title outloud… for research purposes you see). And that was the detour way for me to get to the point… having just had Memorial Day, I wanted to add my thank you to all of those who have served our country in the past, present, and future… and especially for those families who lost a loved one in the service. I don’t have the bravery (or frankly the skillz, temperament, cajones, clothing, mental fortitude, etc., etc., etc.) to do what y’all did/do/will do, so thank you, thank you, thank you!! And many more… if y’all ever need a piece of toast, I make a mean one. (I’d offer other of my baked goods, but I don’t have the insurance policy to cover chipped teeth accidents). Afghanistan ain’t got nothing on my chocolate chip lead cookies.
I keep having this recurring nightmare. I’m not sure why I’m having it of late as the incident happened way back when I was in the 8th grade attending North Trash Junior High (that wasn’t a typo… it was over 100 years old and crumbling to pieces when we attended). We ate lunch out on a stairway that was basically a rubble field of cement pieces. The incident in question? The school being as old as it was had very narrow hallways in the basement. Let’s face it… it was in Utah, children per capita is approximately 8800000 children to 1 adult (give or take 7999700). Squish all them kids into one narrow hallway and let’s have a lawsuit on our hands!
There were rows of lockers lining both sides of said hallway stacked 2 deep, which made the hall even narrower when everyone was trying to get into their lockers whilst everyone else was trying to walk down the hall. Needless to say it was a claustrophobic person’s hell on earth! One particular morning before the first bell starting school had rung, the power went out in said hallway and being the hyped up, nerve-ridden, hormonal 14 year olds we were, everyone started freaking out. We were packed in there like sardines anyway and now with no way to see 2 inches in front of us. This led to some jerk football boys deciding it would be a good idea just to barrell through everyone like bulldozers. I was kneeling on the ground getting into my lower locker when it happened, I was knocked over onto the ground and then was unable to get back up as a herd of buffalo trampled over the top of me. I just covered my head with my arms and thought I was going to suffocate amidst it all.
After what seemed like 8 hours… (I’m sure it was nothing more than a few minutes), I was finally able to drag myself up off the floor into a sitting position, I was bleeding and I no longer had my gargantuan glasses on my face. Since I was blind without my glasses and the hallway was still dark and extremely tight, there was no way I would be able to find my glasses. I sat there bawling like a 2-year-old (oh the embarrassment) until the lights finally came back on and one of my friends realized I was hurt. She searched for my gargantuan glasses only to discover they had been mutilated in the buffalo stampede, broke clear in half and the lenses popped out. We took the broken pair into the orchestra room and tried to cobble them together with some masking tape… because I didn’t already look like Urkel on Steroids with just the neck crimping-sized glasses alone… no… let’s add tape to the look and then shatter the lenses. I spent the rest of the day walking around with injuries and taped broken glasses. Like my mom would have picked me up… the school was in Richmond, which is a good half hour drive from where she worked. I just had to wait for the bus ride later that afternoon.
I woke up the other night flailing in my sleep as if I was trying to thwart the football buffalo stampede. It’s funny the things that stick with you for forever and 12 days… I was 14 ages and ages ago said Grandma Olive… but in my vivid dreams it felt like it was happening now. I’m pretty sure these days I could take on the whole herd with 2 arms tied behind my back. Come at me, bros! Mama needs a new pair of spectacles!
In other news… for those who don’t have Facebook and have been asking how to get tickets to Mary Poppins, they just went on sale this weekend. Go to http://www.fourseasonstheatre.org/ and click on the “Get Your Tickets Now” tab on the right hand side. If you have a family you are bringing and want the family discount, call (435) 535-1432. I believe the discount is buy 2 tickets at the regular price of $10 and then after that each ticket is just $5. (NOTE: To family who are insisting they are coming from far distances, you really don’t need to. I’m in the thing for approximately 10 minutes total and it would be a long drive just to support that… There are no expectations and if I were you, I’d say to myself WWWD (what would whitney do)… uh… she’d totally skip the long drive too!)
So, I’m puzzled by this weird weather we’ve been having. We live in a desert for a reason and it has rained every single day for the last month and a half… but the weird part of it is that there is usually some lovely blue sky in the area where I am not woggercizing. I try to walk toward it, but this is all I see in my vicinity:
I’m like Eeyore, except less grey around the gills! I really need to invest in an umbrella that actually covers my gargantuan head if this keeps up! Stop the madness, Grucilla!