Tag Archives: airplanes

Excuse You… That Is NOT A Weapon… and Giveaway Winners!

First things first… as promised, the announcement of the TWO extremely prestigious and high brow winners of my Biggest Geezer Loser Dessert Cookbook Giveaway will be announced right now (try saying that sentence 8 times with a mouth full of saltines).  No joking around up in these parts.  I assigned everyone who entered a number… 1 to 20 (those who entered via the blog and FB got themselves TWO numbers) and then I went to the website random.org and had them generate me 2 lucky numeros.  The winners…. drum roll… have you ever noticed that people who wear socks with sandals also tend to wear knee high socks with shorts (hi dad)?

Deanna V. (as in Victor)

and 

Erinn D.

Baby circles!!  Congratulations you two!  If y’all two wouldn’t mind sending me your shipping address to whitney78@gmail.com, it would be a whole lot more accurate than using my psychotic skillz to think up your pad numbers… just trust me on that front.  I ain’t no Sylvia Browne.

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Secondly… HI!  Long time no talk.  Though, I’m sure most of you may have felt a sense of relief not having to read my rambling nonsensicalness on a daily basis.  I know I did!!  And that be the truth!  I accomplished quite a bit this last week… and I only got arrested once… out of twelve possible times!  I’d say that’s some good odds right there.  I’ll probably use most of this week to spell out what went down last week… and I’m sure no one gives a whipper snapper what went down this past week, but I’m a future Alzheimer Patient All-Star, so I always have to have my happenings writ down somewheres.  Just so one day I can look back at it and be like… who’s Whitney and what the helium balloon is she blabbering about?

I had to get up at butt o’clock in the morning to drive the 90 miles to the airport to board the plane.  Butt o’clock is hecka early in case you aren’t familiar with it… wayyyyy before 10:00… I’m just saying.  I think I ran on approximately 2 hours of sleep the whole week.  There’s no time to sleep when you have things to do!

The airport… definitely not my favorite place to hang out.  Strip searching is always something I look forward to… you get a hold of one of my luxuriously soft fat flabs and you’ll want to nap for 8 days straight!  That’s what happened.  One of my worst fears going through the security check point at the airport.  The lady had to pat down my fat flabs.  I guess she thought I’d stuffed a weapon up one of them… or a kilo of marijuana.  What do you look at when that’s going on anyway?  It’s so awkward and embarrassing and frankly my personal space half-acre bubble will never be the same!  I exaggerate… it was awkward, but not as horrible as I’d built it up in my brain to be.  I always plan for the worst, so that way I can be pleasantly surprised if it’s only half as horrid as I’d thunk up.

Owing to my trip in October of last year to the East coast where I was unable to fit between the 2 arms of the plane seat, I once again planned on 2 plane seats.  The bane of my existence does NOT like to share it’s half acre space.  I was hugely disappointed when I flew in October and wasn’t able to put the seat arm down.  I’m proud to say that this time… SUCCESS!!!  I haven’t lost much if any poundage since October of last year, but that is not the only way to measure success.  Even if the scale hadn’t been going down, the middle portion was shrinking.  I think next time I could do with one seat… although, I’ll probably still try the 2 seat thing because it’s awesome to be able to have breathing room.  I ain’t gonna lie.  Claustrophobia is issue number 34894894u19unfafla on my issue list.

NSVs all over the place… and it isn’t even 8:00 yet!  I’m out.  More about day 1 manana!  Have a fabulous Monday, my pals!

Question of the Day:  Which seat do you prefer when flying… window or aisle or middle?  Have you ever had to be patted down through the security check point?  

PS – Happy Birthday to my sweet cuzzin, Jen-Jen!!  Have a great day, Bill Nye the Science Guy!  😛

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Filed under Getting A Life, Giveaway

Day 1: From Salt Lake City to Denver to Chicago to New York!

Did I ever mention how weird I think airplanes are?  Let’s load ’em all down with 8 bajillion and 50 pounds of crap and then make it soar amongst the clouds in a rainstorm.  Who came up with that idea anyway?  It’s like flying in a metal death trap up in that there thing.  Day one of Whitney’s Bucket List Slaying adventure was spent traveling.  Which is cool if you like to wake up at 3:30 in the morning to make it to the airport 90 miles away at 5:45 in the morning… basically that means Whitney did not sleep this day!  Who needs sleep when there are vacations to be had!  We had a layover in Denver, Colorado where I got to meet up with my FAVORITE sweater-wearing hottie… and by hottie I really mean, it must have been real hot like in the summertime wearing that sweater!

Be Still My Ruptured Arteries!!!

We then hopped back onto the flying death trap to make our way to the 2nd pit stop of our journey… Chicago, Illinois.  OPRAH TOWN!!!!!!!!!!!  😛  For some reason, I’m pretty durn sure my friend Oprah stood me up at the airport.  For rudeness… after all that stalking I’d been doing.  Instead I got kidnapped by some chic wearing a Peeps shirt and driving a PT Cruiser.  She tied us up, threw us in the trunk amongst our Godzilla luggage, drove us to the nearest Olive Garden, and made us eat stale saltines… no water… I repeat… NO WATER!   Okay, that never happened, but that there part is going in my book I’m writing entitled, The Day I Got Stood Up By Oprah!

What really happened was I met my long lost penpal from years back… the Avster and her Madre!  She was super sweet to pick up these random hitch hikers on the side of the road and drive us around the shady part of Chicago.  She even brought awesome gifts… and homemade peach PIE… oh, and a bag of Peeps, which went untouched by this chick… get it… Peeps chick!  After that, she drove us to the wrong airport and made us hitch hike back to the right one… okay, okay… I’ll stop with the horror stories!

We then hopped back on the plane to head to our final arrive-by-plane destination, Buffalo, NY!  Go Meeses!  That would be a FULL day of traveling… 3:30 in the morning to 10:00 at night.  Then, after we waited for our rental care and I did my sanitize the hotel room routine and dance number, I finally got to bed at 2:30 in the morning.  Plain ole TUCKERED!

I also learned that recycled cabin airplane air makes one crave ice chips and honey roasted peanuts… or so our friendly flight attendants seemed to think so.  I love how they call it “complimentary” peanuts… I spent $400 bucks on my 2 airplane seats and all I get is 3 peanuts and an ice chip!?  I’m thinking gold-plated teeth or you know… thinks like money would be more in order next time I fly.  Oooo… or a date with Oprah!!!  Maybe she likes honey roasted peanuts and ice chips!  I’ll find out next time she decides to feed me stale saltines and crick water!

Day 2:  Niagara Falls… coming tomorrowish… let Oprah know I saved her a seat!

Question of the Day:  Do you enjoy plane travel?  What is the longest time you’ve been on a plane? 

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Filed under Tripping 2011: New England