I feel about 105 today… give or take 20 years. I’m guessing it’s because I haven’t drunk enough Diet Dr. Pepper… either that or I’m getting old. You know it’s super lame when you get to brag about shoulder bursitis (it hurts), elbow tendonitis, and sharp knee pain when taking the stairs or general bending of said appendage… then there’s the stiff neck and back issue from too much slumping over the computer at work. Is this what it’s like to be 105? I’m starting early. I could go on but then what am I going to talk about whilst sitting on my porch in a rocking chair 45 years from now? Gotta save some of the good stuff for Pearl and Merle to commiserate with.
It’s when I get to grumbling that I remember the Sam’s Club lady and have to snap myself out of it. Who is the Sam’s Club lady you ask? Every Saturday I drop by the club… I love their produce and I always have to buy a container of their cherub tomatoes, strawberries, and whatever other vegetable or fruit happens to be on my weekly menu. Saturday is sample day… that is if you don’t mind elbowing a few 95-year-olds to get to the last vegetarian chicken patty sample. There’s one sample lady I look forward to every week. You can hear her from a mile away, her spiel is always the same… Come try some… it is sooooooooooo yummy! Such a good price! Picture that said by a darling little Asian lady. She says that over and over and over. She is genuinely excited about whatever she gets to sample… even if she’s stuck sampling dog biscuits or frozen brussel sprouts. I usually end up buying whatever she has to sample because I’m a pushover (I don’t know what the helium balloon I’m going to do with 800 dog biscuits… they’re kind of dry. 😛 ) and apparently you can sell me on positive influence. This past Saturday she was sampling some hideously disgusting barley salad. The ingredients were fine and dandy… it was the dressing they put on said ingredients… but I still told her it tasted yummy… because I’m jellyfish-spined like that. No barley salad entered my cart this week… I’m pretty impressed at my resistance!
In other news… the dancing update. The sweet choreographer for Mary Poppins has finally taken pity on us (I’m pretty sure I was a big reason for said pity) and she has modified the final bow dance I’ve been practicing for the last 2+ months. The dance is still super uber fast, but compared to the non-modified version, it is MUCH easier to get in… MUCH. The only problem, I feel like that kid on A Christmas Story bundled up in the snowsuit when I go to dance practice. These flabs could seriously wound my surrounding competition (let’s face it… we’re competing for arm flailing space). It is quite the production… twelve layers of support and a built-in heater, which of course is wayyyyyyy too hot to be moving around vigorously in. I’m already sweating by the time I get there… and then I go home looking like a sewer rat. The alternative is too gory to think about… imagine the casualties! Died whilst being flabbulated to death! I don’t want that responsibility… hear!?
Tyler was born to play Bert… he’s the next Dick Van Dyke… but with a better name! 😛
PS – Have any of you dealt with shoulder tendonitis/bursitis? Do you have any tried and true remedies? I’ll do anything, including rubbing said shoulder with cow intestines (JUST KIDDING… nevermind that idea)!