Tag Archives: Bucket list

I’m In A Funk… Sunk… In A Pool of Pitiful!

*** Craunchitis – Inflammation of the craunch bone where one becomes raunchy and cranky at varying intervals, brought on by wormones and a general restlessness, most often associated with cupcakeitis. 

Lately, I’ve had a major case of the craunchitis disease.  I’d draw y’all a picture of where the flim flam in the body the craunch bone is located, but you can’t see it with the nekked eye… but it’s there and it’s real dangerous when it done gets inflamed.  You ever seen the Jerry Springer show (not that I ever watched the show, but the few times I have ventured across it were enough to ingrain it into my brain folds for a lifetime)?  ALL of the guests on the Springer show have craunchitis… chair throwing, nose fuming, foaming at the toothless mouth, incoherent raving mad lunatic language… ALL signs of craunchitis.  I looked in the mirror the other day and was totes showing signs of foaming at the mouth… scared the crapitis out of me… until I realized I’d forgotten to wipe the toothpaste off my mouth.  Phew… because when you start foaming at the mouth, the disease is in it’s later stages… there’s no hope at that point.  They might as well wrap you up snug like in your favorite strait jacket and lock you in the Springer supply closet.

Why have I been such a CA-RANK, lately?  I can’t put my finger on it exactly, but I do have a sneaking suspicion that I’m starting to feel that stagnitis disease again.  You know the one where you feel like you’re swimming in the same dirty pool and desparately want to take off to the neighbor’s nice clean one?  I’m getting back into a routine again.  Sure, I have my Mission:  Uncage the Singing Bird goals that I’m currently working on.

1.  Hike More this summer:  Done and done… I’ve been on 3 hikes (albeit not strenuous hikes due to my plantar fasciitis issues), but that’s approximately 300% more hikes than I’ve EVER been on in the past.

2.  Go on a trip to NY.  Tickets bought, date saved, plans in progress.

3.  Bike 500 miles before it snows.  I’m currently at 308 miles biked… just 192 left to go in the next couple of months.  My home teacher volunteered for me to tag along on the LotoJa race that he’s riding next month… whack out that 200 miles in one sitting.  Um… sorry, man… you are on your own for at LEAST the next 3 or 4 years!

Those are all accomplishments, but I feel like I’ve pretty much conquered those… and am just trying to get them to completion.  I guess that means it’s time for me to come up with some new, more immediate goals to work on.  Smack me out of my comfort zone some more so I can progress and move onto the next level of conquerment… that’s why I’ve decided here and now that I’m announcing my candidacy for President of the United States of America!

Why are y’all laughing!?!?!?  STOP!!  😛  Okay, so I lied about that last part… that wouldn’t just be out of my comfort zone, that would be moving to a whole new planet, growing ears out of my receptacle, and becoming a sewage stewer.  PASS!!!!!  I’m going to have to think on my new comfort zone smashing goals/bucket list items since the decision-making process will require list making and obsessing and hyperventilating into a paper bag time.  Do not go near the girl in the corner with the paper bag over her mouth… she just has a case of craunchitis and it’s TOTES contagious!

*** The following song has been my bad mood theme song since for forever!  Whenever I’m in a bad mood, I’ll blast this song and sing at the top of my dagnabbed lungs.  It makes me want to go key some cars and kick down some corn stalks or something… EMPOWERING!  Disclaimer:  No cars or corn stalks were harmed in the playing of this song!  Carry on!

Question of the Day:  How are you coming along with your bucket list items?  What do you do when you get that stagnitis feeling?

Real Bad Mood by The Wilkinsons

Don’t play me no love songs
I ain’t in love today
Don’t play me no train songs
I ain’t going away
Don’t play me no Gospel songs
The good Lord knows the truth
I’m in a real bad mood

Don’t play me no rock ‘n’ roll
I don’t want to dance
Don’t play me no Hillbilly
I’m too blue for grass
That cheesy easy listenin’ stuff
Is for elevator fools
I’m in a real bad mood

I’m in a funk, sunk
In a pool of pitiful
I got the mange
I’m a chain (son)
You don’t wanna pull
You don’t wanna
Cross this old yard dog
If you know what’s
Good for you
I’m in a real bad mood

I don’t want no beans and taters
I ain’t got no appetite
And them cold store bought tomatoes
Lord it just makes me want to fight
Yeah I want to chew on something
And I ain’t just a little uptight
I’m in a real bad mood


Filed under Getting A Life, Mission: Uncage the Singing Bird

Hiking… Take 2

If at first you suck at hiking… take a nap instead!  That’s my motto!  Y’all may remember take 1 at hiking (my uncage the singing bird bucket list item).  This past Friday night, I decided to try this hiking thing again.  This time, I was a teensy bit smarter… no rocking horse shoes and no 90-degree inclines. I guess 2 out of 5 ain’t too bad because I still left after 8:30 at night and I still didn’t have a hiking stick… I also still weighed 18 to the 2nd power minus 12 pounds (minus 10 now… buh bye plateau… hello scale movement!)  Sometimes I remind myself of one of those old crankity women who like to complain all the time.  You young whipper snappers… turn down that devil music… my dentures are rattlin’!  I sure did my share of it on the trail… my knees hurt, the wind blew a dune of sand into my eyeballs, there’s a spider!!!!!, they need to pave this thing it would be much easier, are we there yet?, why don’t they build a McDonald’s along this trail… etc., etc., etc.  And that was all within the first 3 minutes!!!   I’m pretty sure I complain to alleviate the nerves and to silence those voices in the back of my noggin’ telling me you can’t do this!  I also got onto this kick about it getting dark… because you know since we were approximately 1 mile into the canyon, we’d have to make camp, and no one would find us in this vast wilderness, and winter would come and we’d be found the next summer frosted into the shape of that kid from Home Alone after he put on the after shave.  Oh, the HORROR!!!!!  I even found evidence that the last hikers on this here trail were NOT vegetarians!!  I’m just saying… case in point:

That there ain’t no kumquat wrapper!!!  I tell you what!  Madre had to smack me upside the head a couple of 800 times, but I kept a walking until she got so tired of my it’s getting dark rants that we turned around and headed for the car.  I’m not getting royalties from my work on the movie, Home Alone…. thank you very much!

Hiking is going to be out of the loop for a while until I can figure out my dagblasted plantar fasciitis issue.  My feet hate me and they hated that I exerted them on a hike in non-rocking horse shoes!  Stupid feet.  I will have to be the fat chick on the bicycle until I can get up the desire to go see a podiatrist.  Oh, doctors… why can’t you be more like Google and less like expensive.

To update the other bucket list items… I’m currently at 115 miles on my biking to Las Vegas journey… 385 left to go before it starts to snow.  As for the trip to Palmyra, NY.  I jumped and bought my one-way tickets to get there (they were having a sale)… still have no tickets to get my receptacle home, so I might have to move into whomever’s house is on the East coast… either that or hitchike back.  What could go wrong?  Donner Party!

Question of the Day:  Where are you at in your bucket list item accomplishments?  Updates!  Any advice on plantar fasciitis cures? 


Filed under Exercise, Mission: Uncage the Singing Bird

What Good Is A Mind if You Can’t Change it!?

That’s right… I was born with a mind and also the gene can’t make a decision to save her life!   It’s a glorious gene.  You know the one.  You and a friend are going to dinner, you both have above-mentioned gene, so the conversation looks like this:

You:  Where do you want to go to eat?
Friend:  I don’t know… where do you want to go to eat?
You:  I asked you first!
Friend:  But I asked you second and I have a hangnail! 
You:  Whatever… I have a pair of scissors in my purse!
Friend:  What are you a girl scout!?
You:  Mmmm… thin mints! 
Friend:  Do you have some for sale!?

What’s that you say?  You’ve never in your lifetime had anything resembling the above-mentioned conversation?  Well, I personally feel really sorry for you and yours.  The kind of life you must lead.  So, what were we talking about?  Oh yes… thin mints… Mmmm… samoas!

I’ve been stressing and thinking and then stressing some more and then thinking some more and I’ve come to the conclusion that my brain hurts if I think too much.  Tylenol doesn’t so much work, but I find if I sit my receptacle down on the couch and watch me some mindless TV, it seems to cure the problem.  No, History Channel does NOT work in this instance!  That just causes brainitis… inflammation of the brain due to too many meaningless dates and dudes wearing Revolutionary gear!

What have I been thinking about?  My bucket list items from my Mission:  Uncage the Singing Bird challenge.  My 2 bucket list items are both totally doable… yessirree Bobbette, but I’ve discovered that I didn’t think things all the way through.  Both of my items cost a bunch of money.  A bunch!  And since I’m currently paying out the nose to keep my recliner next to snoring Horace in the infusion center and to keep my gold plated teeth intact, I’ve decided I’m going to have to push one of these items back to next year and replace it with a more cheap wad version… but still a very worthy item to have in my bucket.  I’ve decided to drop the CD of me singing Barney, the Purple Dinosaur and Friends’ Greatest Hits.  I’m still totally planning on doing this, but I need more time to save up money for it.  I’m still singing more this year, though, because it makes me happy.  So, write that one down in the books… and maybe I’ll throw in a few clogging routines at the nursing homes!

I shall be replacing above-mentioned bucket list item (I’m in love with that phrase tonight for some reason!) with 2 separate missions…

1)  Tracking my mileage riding Rumpita so that I do 500 miles by mid September… Mission:  Bike to Las Vegas, NV, 2011!
2)  Go on at least 2 actual hikes this summer.  HIKES… not straight trails with a few short inclines… but actual climbing hikes.  This scares me, so I know it will be a challenge.

There we go… upping my workout intensity whilst filling up my bucket!  Plus, I’m still planning my vacation to NY in October!  Having a better handle on the money situation makes me feel less anxiety… and believe you me… A Whitney with less anxiety is good for the world!  Trust me on this one!

Question of the Day:  How are your bucket list items coming along… any progress made?  Do you consider yourself good at making decisions?  Why or why not?


Filed under Mission: Uncage the Singing Bird

Uncaging My Bird – The Plan

Wanderer, your footsteps are the road, and nothing more;
Wanderer, there is no road, the road is made by walking.
By walking one makes the road, and by glancing behind
One sees the path…
– Antonio Machado

Just had to retrieve this plan of action from the bottom of the bird cage… it was totally just serving as the bird turd catcher.  Just scrape it off a bit and I’m on my way.  I think that’s how I’ve treated any sort of goal in the past… like the paper used to catch the bird turds (wow, do I have a fascination with birds lately or what?)  True story… I’m actually quite nervous around birds.  When I was 4 or 5 years old I was visiting my grandma on a farm when a huge turkey attacked me… I fell to the ground and the huge sucker sat on top of my chest and gobbled at me and flapped it’s wings at me… I swear it weren’t Thanksgiving and I did not own an Ax!  Ever since then birds freak me out… just something about the fact that they have wings and they fly and poop on people’s heads and Whitney’s car, and they make annoying squawking noises at 5:00 in the morning.  I’ve almost had magpie soup for breakfast a few times… who wants to join me for brunch tomorrow morning? 

Just like I’m afraid of the birds because I don’t know their intentions… for all I know that turkey could have been offering me a free massage; I’m also afraid of doing anything because I don’t know how it will turn out.  Will I fail?  Will there be hard work and brain crunches and will I have to get too far out of my comfort zone?  I don’t know the answers to those questions… and since I don’t know exactly how it’s going to turn out, it’s just easier to sit on my butt and do nothing.  I know how that butt sitting appointment is going to turn out… someone’s going to win American Idol… Marcia Brady’s nose is gonna get broke… Lucy Ricardo is going to botch up everything she does… and the folks on the Bachelorette are gonna makeout a lot and then eventually break up (side note… I do not, will not, and would not watch the Bachelor and/or Bachelorette… you seen one dating polygamist, you seen ’em all!) 

So, rather than sit here for the rest of my life wondering about the next turn in the road, I’m just going to start walking, make my own path that I can eventually look back at and be all like… That’s a mighty fine lookin’ path, Bernice… I’d be mighty proud to walk down that sucker!   Thus, the reason for the plan of action to make sure my bird gets uncaged… gotta make a plan or else nothing will get done and I’ll still be sitting around with a psychotic squawking turkey on my chest in anticipation of the next Brady Bunch marathon. 

Bucket List Item #1:  Singing CD
Date of Completion:  October 23, 2011 (my birthday)


1 – Pick out songs to sing, find accompaniments in my voice range (either noncheesy-sounding karaoke music or piano)
2 – Call desired recording studio (Jay Richards) and ask questions about pricing, time needed to complete recording, whether he can accompany, etc.
3 – Drive 20 miles to Franklin, Idaho… buy scratch and win lottery ticket… win lottery to pay for above-mentioned recording studio!  😛
4 – Practice, practice, practice.
5 – Cut off my head to drain out the allergy goobers in my throat/nose and/or dust off the cobwebs on my vocal cords.
6 – Record songs.
7 – Scream HALLELUJAH, OPRAH at the end of the CD!

Bucket List Item #2:  Trip
Date of Completion:  By October 1, 2011 (aiming for mid Septemberish)


1 – Pick out place to go… Palmyra, New York.
2 – Plan exact week to go, sidestepping friendly woman hormone hoarding week.
3 – Buy plane tickets (I’ll still need 2… one for me and another for the bane of my existence)
4 – Become extreme couponer to save money for trip…
5 – Make out itinerary for the week and places to stay, etc.
6 – Sew sheet bedcover for germy hotel room.
7 – Have fun!

And there we go… totally easy, right!?  I should be making time to see some progress on those steps each week, and I’ll be sure to document my progress once a week on this here blogging site… just so that I can put more of you to sleep.  This here blog is a cure for insomnia… though it still has yet to cure my insomnia!!  You can thank me later. 

One of my all-time favorite movies, which I’ve only mentioned about 8000 times on this here blog, is The Wizard of Oz.  Near the end of the movie, Glinda, the good witch of the North visits Dorothy just when she is at her lowest point, thinking she’ll never be able to return home to Kansas.  Dorothy asks Glinda if she will help her.  Glinda’s reply:  You don’t need to be helped any longer… you’ve always had the power to go back to Kansas.  To which the brainless scarecrow replies, Then why didn’t you tell her?  Glinda’s answer, Because she wouldn’t have believed me… she had to learn it for herself.  And so it is… despite never knowing it was there, I’ve always had the power to change my life… I just needed to learn it was there.  By Golly, Toto… I think she’s gonna get it yet! 

Question of the Day:  I’m ready for your action plan to accomplish your bucket list items… give it to me!

Not gonna let my negative thoughts "handicap" me any longer. Let's Do This! The sky is the limit!


Filed under Mission: Uncage the Singing Bird, Quotes