Tag Archives: class

Delightful “Die”ting…

NEWSFLASH… inform the church elders… I hate the word “die”t with like 8000 clown passions!  I’ve mentioned this fact several times, but it’s been a couple of years since I’ve ranted and raved over the dastardly word of doom and glumness!  Blugh!!  It’s right up there with the words moist and white chocolate (Soooooo NOT CHOCOLATE… but also not one word… I digress).  “Die”t sounds so restrictive and short-term and fairly imprisoning.  There’s nothing happy about the word.

GET TO THE POINT, rambling Rose.  Yesterday, I went to a class at Kitchen Kneads in town about healthy meal and snack ideas.  This is the 2nd healthy meal class I’ve taken this month because I like to attend things that keep health at the forefront of my mind… focus, focus, focus… and also so I don’t have to cook on Saturday.  The teacher handed out a packet of the recipes she’d be making and emblazened at the top in big block letters she’d typed: DELIGHTFUL DIETING!  I croaked right then and there.  Oh good… let’s see how many recipes we can make out of kale and seaweed spawn.  Blend ’em right up into a smoothie and then immediately run me over with a dump truck carrying a baby germ wheat plant.  I guess she doesn’t have the newest edition of Whitster’s Dictionary… the one where I removed the word “die”t and replaced it with calorizing.

Imagine my delightfulness whilst taster testing the recipes (it’s a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it) I discovered that all of them were stellarly delicious and would be things that I would actually look forward to eating.  I don’t think food that is healthy needs to be termed “die”t food.  You don’t have to eat weird pollum grubs and calla lily nuggets to lose weight.  You just have to be conscious about how much is going into your mouth.  That there is the rub!   Calorizers Unite!  I’m sharing the recipes below.  You can leave out the bloody finger stub the teacher had whilst cutting onions in the first dish.  She said she removed all the ones with the blood on them… but I still had to do deep cleansing germ-a-phobe OCD breaths to take a bite of it.

This one was my favorite!  Sweet and sour chicken… on the menu next week!

This one was second favorite.  An awesome way to get in a lot of veggies in one sitting!

You can serve this with the above veggie recipe!

It sounds extremely odd to add cottage cheese to egg salad sandwiches.  I was sure I’d hate it… but it was really good.  The 2nd recipe on this sheet… um… DELICIOSITY defined!

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Brain Seizing…

You know those people who go to a class/lecture/church and they sit in the wayyyyy back and try to blend in with the curtains and the wall paint so they don’t get asked questions?  Poster child at your service!  I’ve never been a class participater.  I’d prefer to sit and listen rather than be invaded by the anxiety-ridden/ADD brain I get when having to actually say something outloud.  Unfortunately, the Professional Writing course I signed up for is NOT cool with the drapery camouflaging idea… seriously… stop it.  In fact, the professor even added participation into the grading.  So, written assignments account for 33% of my grade, tests and quizzes account for 33% of my grade, and class participation accounts for 34% of my grade!  Basically that means I get to sit through the 3-hour class every Tuesday night like a mental patient about to climb the camouflaged walls!   A night in the life of my brain.

Whitney’s Brain:  Okay, when should I say something and how should I word it?  What if I say a wrong word that doesn’t mean the right thing and everyone thinks I just dropped off the turnip truck on Friday?  I can’t think of anything intelligent.  What if I talk about donuts? Nope… that sounds dumb.  Also, Whitney… do not do those huge sweeping arm movements you do when you’re trying to talk outloud… it looks psychotic and like you are auditioning for the synchronized swimming team.  It smells like bacon in here.  If a pig were fed bacon, would he be considered a pig cannibal?  I hate bacon but I sure do love Charlotte’s Web… because that’s almost about bacon but not really… it’s a prize-winning pig.  Although, if I ran into a talking spider I’d have gone all ape crap on it with a book and a thousand pieces of toilet paper.  

Professor:  Whitney, what are some ways that writing in the workplace is different than writing for school?

Whitney:  Wilbur the terrific pig was approximately 2 more movie hours away from becoming a bacon cannibal.  

Social anxiety is like the barbecue pits… but literally!  Also, that’s why I’m taking a WRITING class because I’m so much better at expressing my thoughts on paper than I am by mouth.  Things just get all jumbled up and I can’t string together a coherent thought when that happens.  It’s a wonder I even know what’s going on up in that class with all this talk about cannibalism.  😛  It’s also hard to blend in because there are only 10 of us in the class, so it’s not like they won’t notice if you never say anything.

This will be my learning experience.  I will learn to conversate in a class setting about cannibal pigs with the best of them!  You bet your sweet bacon!

Meanwhile… I miss my daily woggercizing!!  Winter only has a few more months, right?  Instead of woggercizing, I’m trying to do exercise DVDs/Wii games, except I’m not the most coordinated individual on the planet.  I did the Dance Dance Revolution Wii game and instead of following the dance moves because I literally cannot get the moves down, I just flail around like a seizure patient.  At least it’s movement and exercise.  I need other options, though!

Question of the Day:  Any recommendations for winter exercising/exercise DVDs?  I’m willing to take any suggestion!  

PPS –  Congrats to my cuzzin JenJen and husband Seth on the birth of their 2nd son, Blaize!  I can’t wait to meet the feller next month, y’all!  Clear out the bacon drawer! 

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3.14…

This will be on the quiz, y’all people who are in 2nd grade… PIE!  Madre found a coupon for a Kitchen Kneads cooking class, buy 1 get 1 free… and she soooo wanted to go to the pie making class.  Even though she’s already a famous pie maker… and by famous I mean familially famous.  I decided I would tag along because what says Thanksgiving more than Pie!?!?  Shush, you turkey people!  The chances of me ever having the desire to make a pie are pretty much negative 8 trillion and 45.  It just makes me want to marathon the series “Watching Paint Dry” for the millionth time thinking of all the crust -making steps (side note… there is no official series named “Watching Paint Dry,” but I do it regularly via a place called the wall in my room.)  The freezer section has pies… what’s the point!?

So, we went to the class.  The teacher was a lady who is the head pastry chef up at Deer Valley Resort in Park City, Utah… pretty much this fancy pancy place where rich people congregate and point and stare at the chic who can’t figure out why there are 13 forks next to her place setting.  Needless to say, I do better with plastic silverware at the taco joint.

Letty Flatt is her name and pastry making is her game.  On the menu for this particular class was 3 different items… the first was a Cranberry Pear Torte… SHUT THE FRONT DOOR, REGIS PHILBIN was that thing deliciousfull!

This isn’t the actual torte… I found this online because I was once again too embarrassed to stand up in the middle of the class and start taking pictures.  Let me preface this by saying, I’m not a huge pear fan.  I don’t like the gritty texture of a pear. but the combination of these flavors was dee-vine… oh Holy Night!  All she did was halve the pears, soak them in some briney thing with ginger, and put them in a circular fashion on the crust.  Easy and tastee!

Next up was a Maple Galette with an almond crust.  I can’t find a picture of that one, but it’s one of those baked custardy-type desserts… I call them contained mucusy phlegm.  It was delicious as well… despite my word painting of idiocy!

Last, but not least, a Letty Flatt invention… Orange-Pumpkin-Chocolate Pie.  Sounds disgusting right?  WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I thought it would be gross!  Who puts orange flavor with pumpkin flavor with chocolate!  That there is a sin to the chocolate people!  But it tasted like I was eating warmed up chocolate-covered orange sticks in a crust with pumpkin pie.  Does anyone know those jelly orange sticks covered in chocolate that are pretty much the best thing in the universe!?

Despite the class ending up being almost 3 hours long… (GILLIGAN!?!?!?!), it was worth it to finally get to taste test the things at the end of it all.  There were 2 older ladies sitting in front of us who were not fans of any of the pies and kept muttering about it under their breath, but I think it’s because the pie flavors were too new fangled dangled… where’s the apple pie, lady!!  Good Grief!  Sincerely, The Senior Citizen Brigade.

Question of the Day:  Do you have a favorite flavor of pie?  Do you make your own pies?  

HAPPY TURKEY-GIVING Y’ALL USA-ITES!  Because it is a national holiday tomorrow and national trample-the-weak-folk-in-a-store day on Friday, I will not be blogging Thursday and Friday… but should return on Monday to get week 3’s accountability for Operation:  No More FatMas!  Don’t y’all forget about it.   Enjoy the holiday and I’ll see you on the other side!

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The Stupid Limit…

Four weeks into beginning knitting class and I’ve invented a new stitch… I like to call it the Whitney Obviously Does Not Follow Instructions stitch.  We made dish cloths this past week… which was supposed to be the easy week and it was totes the easy week.  I sped through my dishcloth like it weren’t no thing… but I kept noticing a weird ridge around the edges of my “decrease” rows (you knitting folks will totes know what I’m talking about… all others, go back to bed… professional knitters talking here!)  I kept knitting to the end of the project, took it to class tonight and the instructor took one look at it and was all like… how in the world did you do that!?!?!?!?!?!?!?  She could literally not figure out what I’d done.  I honestly don’t know what I did either… I was absolutely sure I’d followed the instructions to a T… no one else’s dish rag looked like mine.  I’ve obviously crossed the threshold into knitting savantness… you all are basking in the glow of an idiot… erm… I mean Genius!!!!!!!  😛

Meanwhile… the new project we started tonight was a “simple” hat… and we’re using a new type of needle method… the circular needles.  Oooooo….. ahhhhhh…. D’OH!  I’m knitting along on my fabulous circular needles… knitting and knitting and knitting… and I’m hating every second of these new needles.  My knitting is tight and it’s tough to wield the needle under the tight stitches and then I keep noticing the yarn is getting tighter and tighter and smaller and smaller… but I keep going because I’m obviously a knitting genius… I made up a stitch for crying out loud!!!!!!!  And then it hits me when I’m in the shower tonight inhaling my new Molten Chocolate body wash.  The pattern instructions read to knit 2, purl 2, knit 2, purl 2… I read that as KNIT 2 stitches together, Purl 2 stitches together… so what I’ve been doing this entire time is halving the length of the circumference of my hat everytime I get to a new round… obviously I’m knitting a hat the size of a potato bug.  No wonder it’s so dagnabbed hard… unless my head shrinks to potato bug status come next Tuesdee… I’m in a world of hurt.  I guess I best undo the thing and start over.  Someone needs to follow me around and translate these instructions into Knit-Whit languate… talk to me like I’m 4… I’ll totes understand that!!!

Question of the Day:  Are you an instruction reader or do you prefer to figure it out by doing it? 

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Knit Whit…

Operation Get Through Winter With A Smile On My Face is still in full force!  I said I was going to sign up for classes to have something to look forward to and so far  I’ve kept my word.  It’s also to avoid the winter eat-everything-in-sight-because-I’m-having-feelings syndrome I seem to adopt every winter.   I’ve already talked about my first class, the Beginning Digital Photography class I took back in November/December for 6 weeks.  The new class I signed up for… wait for it… Beginning Knitting.  That was the only one in the Logan School District brochure that stood out to me… there was something about Beginning Welding, but let’s just say I’d rather have 2 feet without any holes bored through them.   Craftiness has never been my forte… time to take over the knitting world!  😛

I’ve actually been cross stitching and embroidering for a few years now.  I find it beneficial to have something keeping my hands and my brain busy at all times… avoids the boredom munchies and my favorite numbdumb eating disease… I also have ADD, so changing up the skillz every once in a while is a must.  Man, now that I think about it, I may actually have the most pathetic reasons to eat excuses on the planet, Voldemar!

The class started 3 weeks ago… each week we meet in the Logan High “Media Center” aka the LIBRARY… seriously, get the fancy made-up name things out of here… let’s call a duck what it is… a weasel!!!  So, we meet in there and we learn how to knit for 2+ geezerly hours every Tuesday night.  The instructor is super patient and hallelujah for that because you have Knit Whit asking some pathetic question every 30 seconds…

Knit Whit:  So, what’s this fibery stuff called?
Instructor of Knit Whit:  Yarn.
Knit Whit:  Oh, is that what it looks like?

Needless to say, I’m definitely the most challenged of the class… though I take comfort in the fact that there are only 4 of us.  The first week our project was to make a “nested pin cushion”… Mine started out looking like a holey pile of fibery stuff:

Purty sure I’m not supposed to have holes in the thing big enough to stick my nose through… in fact I think that may be a fact.  I actually ended up undoing this one as it was my first knitting experience and doing it over again.

That’s a little better… the finished product?

I guess now I have to buy me some pins to put in my new cushion… Last week’s project was “family slippers,” which was all fine and dandy, except I found out when I was about 2/3 of the way done with my 2nd slipper that my family’s feet are too dagnabbed long and and that the instructor provided me with yarn the color of which went out of production last year… WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?  So, now I have one periwinkle slipper and one periwinkle/red slipper.  I tried to hide that fact by making red pom poms for both of them, but it ain’t done a dagnabbed thing but draw attention to the red splotch!

Stupid clown feet clodhoppers anyway… I blame my mother!  This week’s project is dish cloths… at least I know the difference between a yarn and a thread now… I’m well on my way to knitting savantness!  😛

Question of the Day:  Have you ever knitted/crocheted?  What do you make? 

 

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