Tag Archives: emotional eating

“Leap” Of Faith…

Happy Leap Year Day!  I’d normally hate an extra day in the winter months, but the weather is looking fairly decent with a high of 41 degrees, so I’ll shut up about it this time.  Take note of that Leap Year 4 years from now.

I saw the movie, Race yesterday.  It’s a true story based on the African American track athlete, Jesse Owens, who had to survive being a talented black athlete in 1930s American idiocy and also survive being a black athlete at the 1936 Berlin Olympics with the Hitler regime horror of horrors.  He had obstacles put on him from every angle, and yet he rose to every occasion… shut them all up… put his head down and pushed his way to glory.  What got to me most was his ability to tune out everything… all of the negative hate-filled people who were nothing more than noise and distraction… to get to his ultimate goal of greatness.  It was a great flick.  I’d recommend it.

It got me thinking about my worst enemy of all time… myself.  That enemy seems to be working overtime of late… hacking away at every moment of pride and self-worth I’ve ever tried to let myself feel.  It’s leaps and bounds away from what people like Jesse Owens went through on a daily basis, but it’s my reality and my life, so it’s something I take seriously.

It’s no secret that I’ve not maintained the weight I so diligently worked at for years.  In fact I’ve gained… a lot.  Not original highest weight a lot, I’m still quite a ways from that sphere of gross numbers, but give me a few years at this pace, and I’ll be back there and have surpassed that number for a new record.  I have nothing but disdain for my inability to squash my addiction.  It’s an all-consuming thing, food.  All-consuming!  If I’m not eating it, I’m thinking about it… if I’m not thinking about it, I’m usually stuffing down some emotion with it.  It’s something that I’m ashamed of and something I wish to all things holy, I could get rid of for good.  It takes a lot for me to stay in this “land of numbness” because numbness is so much easier to deal with than actually having to feel things, and it’s both sides of the feelings, the positive and the negative feelings, all intermixed into one big ball of NUMB!

I really have no idea what this post is about other than to say, I need to learn to tune out Whitney’s brain.  It’d be a lot easier if brain transplant surgery was a real thing so that I could borrow some health nut’s brain for a year or two.  I’d promise to return it just in time for swimsuit season.

***

This post is depressing, so here’s some Baby BoBo and Brover E time cuteness:

Hi… I wearing my new swimmy suit:

 

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HOG! BUTTS!

I made a few notes when I was outlining what my posts for this week would be… next to this particular topic… 2 words… HOG! BUTT!  That pretty much sums it up.  The End!  Thanks y’all for stopping by to read, friends.  Have a fabulous Mondee!

I’m feeling particularly gourdly lately.  Like all swelly and gourdly and portly… puffy… porkified?  How many P words can I use to insult myself.  Stay tuned to find out!  Part of it is because I’m a stress-eating, maniacal Jaclyn the Ripper…  the other part of it is because I’m fat… but nicely.  So, it turns out when one hypothetical person runs out of free time and is behind in textbook reading/homework, that same hypothetical person eats… because hypothetically that’s what emotional eaters do.  They eat to bury the emotion.  What would it hurt if this hypothetical idiot  just sat for a while and felt the stress?  Or what would it hurt if I… errrr… the hypothetical person talked herself through the stress instead of stuffing it down to meet up with the gangrenous portion of her toes?  It probably wouldn’t hurt at all… except for the fact that would require me to have more stress trying to find time to do above-mentioned coping mechanisms.

I’m sure if I sat my gourdly butt down and actually planned out my day, I’d find all sorts of free time… but one doesn’t see that in the moment… and clearly most every last one of you reading this here violin solo are 3000000000 times busier than I am with kids and work and everything else piled on top of the Aqua-Netted bangs, but y’all still find time to do everything and then bake a bundt cake for the school cake drive!  SOMEONE GIVE ME YOUR SUPER POWERS!!  I’m a weak individual… and kind of complainy… and anxiety-ridden, which is probably where most of the stress comes from… making a mountain out of a tiny ant farm (mole hills are so 2005)!

So, to sum it up.  CHILL THE HECK OUT, WHITNEY!!!!!!!  Good crimeny, you’re making Sybil look normal!  All I know is I have no patience for this slippery slope of bad habits in eating I seem to have jumped back onto.  Also, note to self… CHILL THE HECK OUT!

Question of the Day:  How do you handle stress?  

**** Happy Birthday (yesterday) to my long-time pal, Alena!!  It’s a rule that you’re supposed to eat like a HOG!BUTT! and sit on your patookus on your birthday.  Non-negotiable!

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I’m Bored… How’s About I Eat An Entire Pizza!

Blugh, blugh, blugh, blugh, blugh.  I’m just going to start with that and wish I could end with that too… GOOD NIGHT!

I had grand plans to talk about going to a RO-D-E-I-E-I-O in this here first post back from a holiday weekend, but that’s going to have to be postponed due to a concussion I suffered whilst watching the rodeo…  pretty sure it was a sympathy concussion… when one of them Wrangler dudes got bucked into the gate head first, I automatically contracted a coma.  Boy oh boy… remind me never to go to a boxing match.  MOVING ON… more about the rodeo later in the week.

Impromptu topic of the day was inspired by my horridly craptastic weekend of eating.  Did I mention the word craptastic yet?  Well… it was craptastic!  I haven’t been so disappointed in myself in a long time… it’s like I turned into one of those little (except BIG in this case) Pac-Man dudes who was wandering around the house eating everything in it’s path.  Mmmm… carpet!  This was bigger than my usual numbdumb eating… this was a full on RAVENOUS IDIOT ON THE LOOSE!  Out of control on so many levels accompanied by that hopeless feeling I was so used to feeling 217 pounds ago (well, I’m sure it’s now only 214 pounds ago).  I’ve been thinking about it tonight… trying to pinpoint why I felt the need to go so out of control, not even bother to keep track of my calories, and have the durndest time finding the gumption to stop myself and say, hey… this is not you anymore!  Knock it the heck off! 

Instead, I just ate 15 servings of cookies… 8 pieces of pizza… 18 servings of baked steak fries… 6 servings of vegetarian baked beans… 3 mini Fat Boys (ironic, ain’t it)… and a rootbeer float… over the course of 4 days.  I did also manage to snack on other things that I can’t even remember now because I did not even bother to log them in my food diary.  If this had happened in the past, it would have just turned into this wicked out of control bulldozer, bulldozing on down the path of gain all the weight back and then some… proving those staticians right who say over 90% of people who lose weight gain it back.  I’d have just gone back to my old ways 2 years ago.  But it’s been so long since I’ve visited “my old ways,” that I’m not even going to entertain that thought.

Since I won’t be choosing the bulldozing option, there’s only one other option.  Move on, forget about it, and try to fix it for future reference.  As I’ve been thinking tonight about why I went so out of control, I came up with 3 reasons:

1.)  PMS!!  (oh quit it, men… like you ain’t ever read those words).  By the by… these are NOT excuses… just me trying to find ways to deal with Pac-Woman Syndrome.  I always find that I snack more just before happy woman hormone hoarding week (okay, fine… and during HWHHW)… but I’m also usually able to curb that at least somewhat.

2.)  Sadness… As usual, I stayed home from family vacation weekend.  I had come up with all sorts of reasons for why I couldn’t go (some valid, some not so much)… they left on a Friday morning and I had to work on Friday… I hate dealing with germiness and that cabin had to be full of it… Anxiety was on high alert, etc., etc., etc.  So, I stayed home and chose to bore myself to death by not doing anything 4th of July-ey… even though I did have a friend who invited me to hang out (thanks, Rachel).  I don’t mind spending time with me, myself, and I.  I’m not the social butterfly kind of person who always has to have some place to be and someone to do it with.  That’s just never been me… but in this instance it might have helped distract myself some.

3.)  Habit.  Back in the olden days, when I wasn’t allowed to eat anything without sneaking it behind the family’s back, I used to anticipate the times when I’d be alone for the weekend… I’d order me 3 pizzas and eat until I turned green… because I couldn’t do that when the family was around.  It became a habit… family would leave, I’d pig out.  Even when I’d moved out of the house and the family leaving wasn’t an issue… if I was alone for a weekend, I’d pig out…  I’ve had better control over that the last 2 years, but I think it resurfaced when compacted with the other issues above.

When looking at all 3 of those issues… they all come back to the same problem… emotional eating.  I eat when I’m bored (especially when I’m bored), sad, frustrated, angry, happy, and PMSey.  It’s been difficult to teach myself to only eat when I’m hungry… that’s the only emotion that should be stuffed down with food… HUNGER!  Time to take action… I’ve decided I’m going to start charting my feelings every time I eat… at least for the next week or so.  I found a chart online that I’ll be using (feel free to join me any of you who want to get a handle on emotional eating):

Emotional Eating Chart (PDF Format) 

Yes… it’s 1800’s format… print the sucker and adopt yourself a quill pen with dipping ink.  Just like they used to do back in Punky Brewster days!  When I’ve charted my emotions every time I eat for the week, the next step will be to come up with a plan… something to replace eating with.  I’m anxious to get back into a better routine.  I’ve been plateauing now for at least a month or so and it’s probably adding to my emotional eating… the frustration of not seeing the scale move, despite the fact that I’ve been exercising at least 6 days a week.  I have no problem with the exercising… it’s a habit now.  Time to make eating only when hungry a habit and I’ll have this thing nabbed down to a science.   Because… hey, Whitney… this isn’t you anymore.  Knock it the heck off! 

Question of the Day:  Are you up for the emotional eating challenge?  Which emotion do you tend to have the biggest problem with when it comes to eating it away?

I was frustrated until I came across this lil dude on my bike ride tonight... Don't Worry, Be Happy!!

A few people asked for the recipe I talked about in Friday’s Post, here she be in all her glory:

Chinese-Style Noodle Salad with Vegetables
Serves 4

4 ounces (100g) thin egg noodles
2 teaspoons olive oil
2-3 cloves garlic, chopped
2 tablespoons finely grated ginger
1 bag broccoli slaw (I bought mine in the produce section at the grocery store)
1 red bell pepper, diced
1 yellow bell pepper, diced
1 cup canned baby corn, cut in half lengthwise
4 ounces sugar snap peas or snow peas
6 scallions, finely sliced
4 tablespoons low sodium soy sauce
1 teaspoon Asian sesame oil (I substituted olive oil)
3 tablespoons fresh cilantro leaves (I left these out because I cannot stomach cilantro)
3 tablespoons salted peanuts, finely chopped

1.  Bring large pot of salted water to a boil.  Cook the noodles in boiling water according to the instructions, then drain them well.
2.  Heat the olive oil in a large frying pan and stir-fry the garlic, ginger, broccoli slaw, bell peppers, baby corn, and sugar snap peas for 4-5 minutes.
3.  Add scallions, drained noodles, soy sauce, and sesame oil.  Toss everything together over a medium heat for another minute, until they are thoroughly combined and hot.
4.  Finally, add cilantro and peanuts, toss together once more, and serve.

Nutrients per serving:  Calories:  236  Protein:  9 grams  Fiber: 5 grams

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The Attack of the Killer Hormones… and Flying Bird Updates…

That’s a movie… The Attack of the Killer Hormones… it’s a sequel to the much loved movie, Attack of the Grumpy Women and the Men Who Love Them!!  Nonscar Awards all over for those babies (the evil and embittered cuzzin of the Oscars)!  The last few days I’ve pretty much had the disease not logging thy food numbdumb eating marathons.  I blame it 2% on hormone woman hoarding week/boredom/irritation/annoyance/burn out and the other 98% on lamebutt excuses like the previous 8000 I just listed.  I don’t beat myself up anymore when I go through a rough spot… that’s not helpful at all… just causes that neverending circle of emotional roller coaster eating that won’t end.  So, I made some mistakes this week… that didn’t cause me to gain 217 pounds back.  Nope… it didn’t.  I’m well aware that a lifestyle change is never going to be perfect and I’m okay with that.  Perfect people aren’t learning… imperfect people and all their flaws have a lifetime of growing to do… that’s what I’m here for.  That and to eat as much chocolate as I can in the span of a lifetime.  There best be a Guinness Record for that because I aim to have my name on that page! 

So, through my flawsy week, I’ve kind of felt like that blueberry chic girl from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory:

Funny… If I were to go and put on all blue right now and paint my face… we could totes be relations!!  In the meantime… I cannot even look at those Oompa Loompas… childhood nightmares!!  It wouldn’t be so bad if they all didn’t have the exact same singing voice, weren’t green haired and robotic, and weren’t wearing starfish-shaped trousers!  Roll me out the door, freaktastic little dudes!  I think it’s important to step back and learn why I numbdumb eat… gives me better ammunition to control it the next time I start walking around and blindly stuffing whatever is handy in the pie hole.  So, I like to ponder what’s been going on in my noggin when I have a bad stretch. 

Moving forward.  Time to update progress on the ole Mission:  Uncage the Singing Bird goals.  I can’t say I’ve been gung ho on getting much done.  Just sort of doing my regular, “wait until the very last minute and then pounce on it” spiel.  But, I’m advancing some.  For example, for my first goal (Make a CD of me singing and sing more in general), I have a singing gig in church on Sunday.  The first one in 2011.  I’m nervous already and have my song selection narrowed down to 25 songs… pretty good if you ask me; it used to be 26.  I realize it’s Friday and Sunday is like 2 days away, but that is what Saturday night at 11:59 p.m. is for.  That and washing my hairs (yes… hairs is the appropriate word when you have like 2 hairs to your name by now!)  So, I have that down and I’ve also been singing in the shower more.  I charge admission for anyone who wants to come to my shower concert… oh, and I only sing one song and only know the words to one verse, so it’s actually a pretty boring 15 minutes of concert.  I think it’ll be good, though, to warm up my voice.  I haven’t sung much, so the higher notes (for this Alto) aren’t as smooth as they used to be when I sang all the time.  As for the CD… I’ve officially added versions of Oh, Holy Night and Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas to my list of must have CD songs.

As for the 2nd bucket list item… that is still hanging in the balance.  I’m still doing it, but when you are horning in on someone else’s vacation, I’m pretty sure it’s rude to just up and plan everything by yourself!  I think we’ll go to the porcelain doll monument and tiny teacup convention for the whole week… how’s about that, family?  😛 

I was watching the idiot box last night when this commercial came on.  When it was over, I immediately pressed record on my DVR and rewound it to watch it again.  I kind of wanted to jump into the commercial and be like those people.  It hit home for me and was quite inspiring and motivating for what I’ve been preaching to myself on this here blog for all these months.  I uploaded it to share with y’all.  Jump in, friends… let’s all take flying lessons!  🙂 

Question of the Day:  How is progress on your bucket list items coming?  Are you an emotional eater?  How do you combat that?  

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All Aboard The Calorizer!!

Keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times… really?   Who in their ever blooming mind is going to stick their feet outside a death coaster going 8000 miles per hour on a rickety structure?  Does that need to be said?  It’d be more beneficial if they said something like… put your barf bag up to your mouth right now… or wait at least 30 minutes to ride the death coaster after you’ve consumed half a cow at the concession stands.   You know… that type of thing… heaven forbid I’m sitting in front of someone who just ate their weight in cotton candy.  Let’s talk about that… forget this hands and feet malarky!  Rant aside… it’s been years anyway since I’ve ridden on any sort of amusement park ride… I believe 18 was the last time.  Since then ain’t no way I could fit into the seat and forget about the dagnabbed seat belt!  Ain’t happening. 

My topic today really isn’t roller coasters in that sense… it’s more like the roller coaster I like to call The Calorizer!!!!  Dun, dun, dun, dun…  Up and down and all around and other riders barfing on you and technical difficulties when you get to the top of the highest climb and… This weekend for me felt like a roller coaster.  Not always my most shining moment in the brain usage department… but a few things that also made me happy.  

The happy part:  The old clothes from my closet I tried on, most of which fit me like a curtain drape… coulda’ probably sewed a bunch together to make one communal sweater blanket for the entire town to keep warm under.  Clothes that are too big… happy, happy, joy, joy.  MUCH better feeling than clothes that are too small… only to need to be replaced by the next size up in the tent section.

The technical difficulties at the top of the highest climb:  Sitting down in the dressing room at Maurice’s in front of a full length mirror and needing a barf bag.  It’s a MUCH different view sitting than standing and I can’t say I’ve ever seen myself sitting that close up before.  What’s the big deal besides the fact that I despise mirrors (and already talked about that last week)?  I have this hanging flap of fat and skin… hanging almost down to my knees… technically called a panniculus…  I don’t usually like to call it anything, except maybe the bane of my existence!  It’s where most of my fat redistributed when I gained the weight back the second time… right there in this inner tube around my middle and it disgusts me and it will be the last thing that goes and I will eventually need surgery to remove the flap. 

So, why the heck did I let it depress me so much the other day sitting in that dressing room in the mall?  After all I’ve preached to myself about being happy at how far I’ve come and how hard I’ve worked… and yet knowing that I still have a ways to go… why does my brain automatically go there?  I was disappointed in myself and frusterated… and frankly, mad.  At who?  The hanging fat?  The full length mirror?  (By the by… the full length mirror needs to be BANNED… for time and ALL eternity… or at least until I fix my brain.)  I was mad at something and so I ate to avoid dealing with it… ate me a bag of chocolate chips in the space of a day and an extra helping of pasta salad at dinner.  Take that, you feelings and emotions!!  Teach you to ever enter my brain. 

What did the eating help?  Aside from eventually making my panniculus bigger… not a dang thing… unless, of course, you count the fact that I got the chocolate chips out of the house (oh, stop it… it don’t matter how I removed them… the important thing is that they’re gone now!)  I guess I need to make me a plan.  A plan on how I’m going to deal with my emotions rather than eating them away.  Also, I’m stepping away from the full length mirror… what you can’t see won’t hurt you, said the ignorant woman.  Keep your brain inside your skull at all times!  This coaster’s gonna be a tough one! 

Question of the Day:  Do you have a plan to deal with your emotions?  Face ’em… head on! 

Came across this sign on a walk... thought it was appropriate for this brainless weekend. Only headless people crossing?

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