I’m well acquainted with doubt. It’s weaved through my life so seamlessly that it’s a part of the fiber of my being. It’s settled itself into my head space like a giant poisonous vine, wrapping it’s tenticles into the crevices and holding on for dear life. Doubt lived in my brain when I decided to finish my bachelor’s degree 6 years ago. It shouted things like, You won’t stay motivated… you’ll be gung ho for the first 2 semesters and then it will just fizzle out like every other thing you’ve ever done in your life… but it was the thought that counts.
Doubt lived in my brain when I was laid off from my job earlier this year, saying things like, You won’t find a job that pays anything better than minimum wage… who would want to hire an obese person with anxiety, OCD, and awkward issues?
Doubt lives in my brain whenever I try to stick to a healthy lifestyle plan, saying things like, You’re going strong now, but give it a week or two and you’ll be right back where you started… history repeats itself… and you’re the most predictable weight loss/gain patient on the planet.
Doubt is a huge detractor from self-confidence and self-esteem… if you doubt yourself enough, even subconsciously, you eventually believe it. It’s also the most dangerous thing you could feed your brain on a daily basis… like shoving fried foods and sugar and all manner of crap into your body and expecting it to perform the way you need it to.
I have a few things to say to my doubt… I did graduate with my bachelor’s degree at the age of 38 this past May… it took 6 years, but I did it. While we’re proving doubt wrong, I also did find a job that pays more than minimum wage… it may not be my life’s work, but there is proof that I am hireable.
Five weeks ago I started a “healthy habits” challenge. I knew my eating and weight were getting out of control, so one day by chance I came across this challenge and immediately signed up without giving it much research. After I’d paid my fee and they’d sent me the details, my heart dropped into my gallbladder. It looked near impossible for me. There was no way I could do all of that at once and be able to stick to it… it wasn’t doable for my personality. It was also restrictive… or in my mindset at the time it was restrictive… because it meant I couldn’t continue to eat 12 pounds of candy and 500 ounces of Diet Dr. Pepper every single day of my life. I wanted to follow a plan that was on the path of least resistence just right of EasyPeasyLemonSqueezy Avenue.
Each day I get a point if I do the following: Exercise at least 30 minutes, No soda (diet or regular), No sugar (except for one time a week), get 7 hours of sleep every night (doesn’t have to be consecutive), don’t eat after 9:00 p.m., keep a food journal every day, check in with my team at least once a day, eat 5 fruits and vegetables, drink at least 64 oz of water, and pre-plan my meals. Each week they also have a bonus point available, this past week it was to use weights during your workout and a previous one was no fast food. At the end of the week we add up our points, weigh ourselves (taking a picture of the number on the scale), and send it to our group leader who then tallies the points and ranks us within our teams. At the end of the 2-month challenge, the most points wins a gift card and the most weight lost wins a gift card. I have surprised myself to all ends of the Earth. Doubt still lives in my brain like that annoying relation who has overstayed their welcome (I don’t have any of those, relations, in case you were wondering), but everyday I have this dogged desire to keep going. I have lost weight, inches, and I feel better than I have for a long time!
To keep myself motivated, I’ve decided to keep a Weight Loss Instagram account. I wasn’t sure I wanted to open it to public, but I figure why not… I have nothing to hide… as this blog has proven time and time again, I am a frigging openly embarrassing book! Take it or leave it! Anyhow… it’s called cravingalife if you want to look me up and follow along. Get thee hence, Doubt… and I mean it this time!
You are welcome for BoBo as a 2-headed llama riding a llama! You are welcome!