Tag Archives: Giveaway

Excuse You… That Is NOT A Weapon… and Giveaway Winners!

First things first… as promised, the announcement of the TWO extremely prestigious and high brow winners of my Biggest Geezer Loser Dessert Cookbook Giveaway will be announced right now (try saying that sentence 8 times with a mouth full of saltines).  No joking around up in these parts.  I assigned everyone who entered a number… 1 to 20 (those who entered via the blog and FB got themselves TWO numbers) and then I went to the website random.org and had them generate me 2 lucky numeros.  The winners…. drum roll… have you ever noticed that people who wear socks with sandals also tend to wear knee high socks with shorts (hi dad)?

Deanna V. (as in Victor)


Erinn D.

Baby circles!!  Congratulations you two!  If y’all two wouldn’t mind sending me your shipping address to whitney78@gmail.com, it would be a whole lot more accurate than using my psychotic skillz to think up your pad numbers… just trust me on that front.  I ain’t no Sylvia Browne.


Secondly… HI!  Long time no talk.  Though, I’m sure most of you may have felt a sense of relief not having to read my rambling nonsensicalness on a daily basis.  I know I did!!  And that be the truth!  I accomplished quite a bit this last week… and I only got arrested once… out of twelve possible times!  I’d say that’s some good odds right there.  I’ll probably use most of this week to spell out what went down last week… and I’m sure no one gives a whipper snapper what went down this past week, but I’m a future Alzheimer Patient All-Star, so I always have to have my happenings writ down somewheres.  Just so one day I can look back at it and be like… who’s Whitney and what the helium balloon is she blabbering about?

I had to get up at butt o’clock in the morning to drive the 90 miles to the airport to board the plane.  Butt o’clock is hecka early in case you aren’t familiar with it… wayyyyy before 10:00… I’m just saying.  I think I ran on approximately 2 hours of sleep the whole week.  There’s no time to sleep when you have things to do!

The airport… definitely not my favorite place to hang out.  Strip searching is always something I look forward to… you get a hold of one of my luxuriously soft fat flabs and you’ll want to nap for 8 days straight!  That’s what happened.  One of my worst fears going through the security check point at the airport.  The lady had to pat down my fat flabs.  I guess she thought I’d stuffed a weapon up one of them… or a kilo of marijuana.  What do you look at when that’s going on anyway?  It’s so awkward and embarrassing and frankly my personal space half-acre bubble will never be the same!  I exaggerate… it was awkward, but not as horrible as I’d built it up in my brain to be.  I always plan for the worst, so that way I can be pleasantly surprised if it’s only half as horrid as I’d thunk up.

Owing to my trip in October of last year to the East coast where I was unable to fit between the 2 arms of the plane seat, I once again planned on 2 plane seats.  The bane of my existence does NOT like to share it’s half acre space.  I was hugely disappointed when I flew in October and wasn’t able to put the seat arm down.  I’m proud to say that this time… SUCCESS!!!  I haven’t lost much if any poundage since October of last year, but that is not the only way to measure success.  Even if the scale hadn’t been going down, the middle portion was shrinking.  I think next time I could do with one seat… although, I’ll probably still try the 2 seat thing because it’s awesome to be able to have breathing room.  I ain’t gonna lie.  Claustrophobia is issue number 34894894u19unfafla on my issue list.

NSVs all over the place… and it isn’t even 8:00 yet!  I’m out.  More about day 1 manana!  Have a fabulous Monday, my pals!

Question of the Day:  Which seat do you prefer when flying… window or aisle or middle?  Have you ever had to be patted down through the security check point?  

PS – Happy Birthday to my sweet cuzzin, Jen-Jen!!  Have a great day, Bill Nye the Science Guy!  😛


Filed under Getting A Life, Giveaway

Giveaway… TWO Winners… Everyone is Happy… Unless You Lose…

I’ll get back to my boring part 2 story continuation of yesterday’s post before the end of the week.  Mark my words!  But, I just saw on the front page of Google that today is Julia Child’s 100th Birthday (if she was alive)… and it made me want to drink my way through Europe… instead I’ll just do a food post in her honor.  Part of the reason I now exclusively cook everything I eat is because of Julia.  Approximately 3 years back I saw that movie, Julie and Julia about the chic who cooked her way through Julia Child’s ENTIRE cookbook… something like 524 recipes in 365 days… and she blogged about it.  I would never want to take on such a task, but it did get my butt thinking about cooking actual real food.  Before then, the only thing I ate were things you could throw in the microwave.  Certainly nothing that would dirty a dish because that would require me to get actual exercise via washing dishes.  To most people washing dishes would not be considered exercise… but when you be hefting 530 pounds around, standing, moving the arms, and breathing like a clogged up leaf blower, it’s exercise.  I’d always break a sweat doing any sort of extra movement back in them days.  But, my most favorite staple back then… fast food.  The more oil and grease and fat blobules, the better.   I’ll take a lard burger with extra lard sauce and a side of lard sticks, please… make that 3.

I didn’t think about calories… I did not own a food scale… I did not measure anything in a measuring cup.  I had a brown paper bag or a square pizza-sized box… and I had TV dinners in the freezer for my “snacks.”  On occasion I’d make toast and eggs… but that was the extent to my cooking.  I guess when you have to exert so much energy to do anything, cooking every meal is a nonoption.

So, I started cooking… and most of the time I suck… a lot of my recipes turn out hideous… but I keep doing it because it is better for me and I can control what I put into my food.  I know calories inside and out.  I weigh almost everything that goes into my mouth on a food scale.  And measuring utensils are now my best friends.  I have to say that there are glimpses of times that I actually enjoy cooking now.  Not all the time, mind you… but I can eat more when I cook for myself… because I control the calorie amount… and I have always been about quantity of food.  I hate feeling deprived.  It makes me feel claustrophobic.  I still have a lot to learn in the cooking department, but Julia would be proud of my progress.  I just gotta start drinking!  😛

That said, no I’m not offering anything Julia Child related for the giveaway… but I am offering one of my favorite calorizing cookbooks… a book all about desserts.

I have my own copy, but I have TWO extras that I’m totes giving away to 2 of you lucky winners out there… a thank you from me to you for reading and sticking with this ole chic.  I may not always agree with the Biggest Loser’s methods, but these recipes (at least the ones I’ve tried) are mighty tastee… good on calorizing terms… and hit you in the sweet tooth!  That’s right!  What do you need to do to get one?  It will be by random draw, but there are 2 ways to enter:

1.  Leave a comment on this post with your favorite cookbook or famous TV cook/chef.
2.  Click on my Facebook page on the right side of this blog, like the page, and leave a comment.  If you’ve already liked it, just leave a comment.

You will get one name entry per thing you do… up to 2 entrants.  I will announce the winner on Monday, August 27th… yes, that’s a week and a half y’all!  I’m about to be gone next week… these things happen!

Question of the Day:  Do you enjoy cooking?  Have you seen Julie and Julia? 


Filed under Food, Giveaway

The Craving A Life Blogscars: Readers’ Edition


It was an honor to be nominated.  Four score and 365 minutes ago, give or take 79 years, I started this blog.  February 25, 2011, to be exact, making it my 1-year blogiversary.  I began this blog for a few reasons… 1.) To keep me accountable… 2.) free therapy without a couch… and c.) to maybe one day help others who may be in my same shoes… give someone somewhere some hope which I so desparately needed for many years of my life.  Feeling hopeless is pretty much the lowest of the low… without hope what is there to live for?  Even if I stay 2 hundred and some odd pounds for the rest of my lifetime, I have hope that I’ll eventually see the ones… and that truly makes all the difference.

HOPE = Hard Work, Optimism, Prayer, and Excitement for the future

Suck it, Webster’s!  So, today I’m honoring you readers.  I have to admit.  I’ve never been a big blog reader… not because I don’t think it’s a worthwhile thing to do but because I have the attention span of a gnat, so those of you faithful readers who come back despite how many times I use the word totes or dagnabbed or calorizing or any number of the lame made up words I incorporate into the English language are truly my angels.  It’s because of you that I’ve kept it up this long… for serious.  I can’t begin to count how many times I’ve commented to Madre that I think I’ll quit blogging.  It takes up a lot of time to think of topics, to type out my blathering thoughts, to take pictures and upload them and edit them… so, there have been many times when I’ve wanted to quit… but then I get to thinking about my faithful readers and so I push that thought near the back of my noggin where the cobwebs reside.  I know the majority would not know the difference if I up and quit one day… but I also know there may be that one person in the audience who needs that daily hope…  so here I still type 245 posts and 1 year later.

To you who take that extra few minutes to comment… you make my day… truly you do.  I hoard the comments to read at night right before I type the next day’s post… and I always find myself laughing and nodding in agreement and high fiving and picking my nostrils and just wanting to hang out with each and every one of you.  So, thank you to my commenters… the top 6 of which are Louisa, Avster, Alena, Natalie, Jen-Jen, and Colleen who have commented the most over the last year.  Thank you to all of you and to anyone else who has read or left a comment over the past year.

So, to celebrate the first day of the CAL Blogscars (yes, I purposely named my blog so that the abbreviation would spell CAL for calorizing!  😛 ), we’re starting it out with a giveaway.  Whoop whoop… what will the winner of said giveaway win?  A virtual high five from the Whitmeister AND… and here’s the most important part… the following:

The Ultimate Total-Body Kit from Jillian Michaels!  Firstly, Jillian will not be coming into your home in this box.  It’s VERY deceptive that way.  She is not 3D.  This unopened and brand new box includes:  Speed Jump Rope, 1 Level 1 Resistance Ring, 2 Level 1 Resistance Tubes, 2 Level 2 Resistance Tubes, Medium Resistance Stretch Band, 2 Removable Handles, Door Strap Attachment, Mesh Carry Bag, Instructional DVD Featuring Jillian Michales, and an Exercise Chart.   This kit is totes supposed to help you burn fat and shed weight, tone long and lean muscles, and increase cardio endurance.  HALLELUJAH FRED!!  What is not included in this box… cookies… and a stomach like Jillians.  Sorry…

But Whitney… how do I win?  There are 2 ways to win this giveaway… the first being to leave a comment on this post saying why you think you should win and the second would be to share my blog with your FB page and then leave a comment on my FB page (link to the right) saying that you shared it.  Easy peasy, right?  I will pick the winner by random draw on Friday… Friday, MARCH 2nd.  So, until then… thank  you all again for rocking your bad selves and being my inspiration to keep trucking it.

Hugs and chocolate Brownies…



Filed under Calorizing, Giveaway

Giveaway! Shut Up and Sweat!


How rude, Whitners…  and I wear it with pride.  It’s been forever and months since I last did a giveaway, so here’s your chance to win you some crud.  I was recently turned onto this site by a friend.  Workout apparel emblazened with the phrase Shut Up and Sweat!  Which has pretty much been my dagnabbed motto for the last 2 years.  See… all the inventions get taken before I get up off my receptacle and do something about them.  Remember that Swiffer Sweeper invention?  Totally my brain child… TOTALLY!  And while I’m at it, I might as well tell you about my idea for pre-sliced bread.  Another one that got away.

Anywho… I was queen of making excuses for why I could not exercise in the past.  Sweating is inconvenient!  BORING! My arm hairs get irritated when they jiggle too fast!  I have eye disease… I couldn’t see myself getting off the couch.  And so on and so forth.  The thing is there’s always going to be something… ALWAYS.  You’re going to be too busy… you’re going to feel too sick… you’re going to have a pimple the size of a tractor trailer.  All excuses in the end and all of ’em used as a nice way to get out of having a bit of discomfort.  If you don’t exercise at all now… start small.  I only could do 5 minutes of slowish walking when I started back at 530 pounds… but it was 5 minutes more than I got in the past… and things totes get easier.  The more you work at it, the more conditioned you become until before you know it you’re doing it in your sleep.  Okay, that part was totally a lie… who wants to run laps in their nightmares?   I reserve my nightmares for things like public speaking whilst nekked and/or marrying Charlie Sheen.

I also find scheduling the exercise into my day insures that I get it done.  If I just say, I’ll do it when I get around to it, I don’t do it.  Scheduling it during a time of the day that is realistic is KEY.  It would be the awesomest if I told myself I’d get up every morning at 5:00 a.m. and whip out a set of kick butt, but that ain’t realistic for me…  A.)  Because the inventers of the alarm clock also invented the snooze button and 2.)  I barely go to bed by 5 in the morning… I don’t do well on ZERO hours of sleep.   Unless one of these days I happen to turn into a zombie… then, by all means 5:00 a.m. would be realistic.  I’ll let you all know how that goes.

Back to the giveaway… the winner of this giveaway will win one workout T-shirt; design, color, and size of your choice from this website (under $20) :  Shut Up And Sweat!

What do you have to do to get your name in the drawing?

1.  Leave a comment on this post, suggesting an indoor exercise you enjoy doing (winter is coming y’all… BOO!)
2.  Click on my Facebook page on the right side of this blog, like the page, and leave a comment.  If you’ve already liked it, just leave a comment. 

You will get one name entry per thing you do… up to 2 entrants.  I will pick and announce the winner by random draw this coming Fridee… so you have until then to get your contest on.  Meanwhile… do me a favor… just SHUT UP AND SWEAT!!

Disclaimer:  I am in no way, shape, or form associated with the above website, T-shirt makers, or chic modeling the T-shirt.  They are all strangers to me, but I have a feeling that we’d all love to sit down with a tub of popcorn and bond to Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. 


Filed under Exercise, Giveaway

Giveaway – Balls and Bungees!

You best believe that title brought all the boys to the yard… giveaway and bungees in the same sentence!?  I mean, come on… REALLY!?  Who could resist?  Meanwhile, back at the ranch.  It’s giveaway time again… I’m not talking about popcorn chips and sugar free drinks this time… I be talking about exersaucing equipment!!  That’s right… all you need to exersauce your muscles in one little box.  Glory be to all hallelujahs, Germaine!  I have not used any of this equipment… it’s stayed packaged neatly in the same box it came in… so everything should be in pristine condition, except for the box of chocolates that came with it… the mice got into that one… and by mice I really mean the near 5’9″, spectacle-wearing one!  What is included in this kit of exersauce you ask?

  • 65 cm Anti-Burst Exercise Ball with pump
  • Light Resistance Band With Handles
  • Large Canvas Carry-all Tote With Waterproof Lining
  • 20 oz. BPA Free Sport Bottle
  • Face Towel With Sport Clip

Side Note:  Rear receptacles in spandex and half nekked chicks are NOT included in the box… get over it!  I’d be happy to drop by and give you a smack upside the head if that’d be an okay replacement… let me know. 

There are 3 ways to enter and you can enter each different way to up your chances of winning:

– Reply to this post with your favorite outdoor summer exercising activity (I need new idears!)
– Click on my Facebook page on the right, like the page, and post on the wall there.
– Refer a friend to this blog and have them post in the comments that you were the referrer.

Again, this is only available to folks in the US and Canada… but again, I still love you people from afar!  I will draw the winner on Tuesday, May 31st… can you believe it’s almost June!?!?  Not possible!  This is just my small way of saying thank you for reading the ramblings and for the support!  And there we go… I’m shutting up and going to bed… my brain isn’t working so good and I’m hoping I get the call from the brain transplant team tomorrow.  Einstein isn’t using his anymore. 

Merry Giveaway to All and to All A Good Night!


Filed under Giveaway

And the Winner Is…. and Other Ramblings!

I’ve drawn the winner of the bag of Chip’Ins and bottle of Fuze!  Y’all can’t even handle the suspense, can you?  Did I forget to mention that hidden inside the bag of Chip’Ins was a $1,000,000 bill?  Ooops… my bad.  Of course I’m lying… the day I find that amount of money ANYWHERE is the day I take off for the Bahamas.  See you, Sprinter!!  More on that later. 

What were we talking about?  Oh, yes… the winner of my first giveaway.  I used a very scientifical method to pick said winner, all of these logarithms and Einstein equations and…  Forget it… I’m not fooling anybody.  I made a numbered list, put all of your names next to the numbers (the people who entered on both Facebook and the blog were entered under 2 separate numbers) and then I went to Random.org and typed in for them to pick a random number between the numbers 1 and 23 (oh my laws… can I please bore you any more?  Y’all set your alarm clock for 30 more seconds and I should be done with all of this boring crap… power nap!)  The lucky number picked was number 10!!  Person number 10… step forward and claim your prize…  What’s that you say?  You have no idea how to read my jumbled mind?  The winner… drumroll….


Woo hoo!  Go, Ericka, it’s yo’ birfday… we gonna party like it’s your birfday!  I will send you a separate email to get your info, Ericka!  Thank you all for entering.  Stay tuned because I plan on having more giveaways… I think the next giveaway will be a doozy… my favorite pair of underoos purchased in 1997…  KIDDING!  I would never do that to you all.  You ever wonder what’s wrong with those people who give away used underwear to goodwill?  Seriously!?  Major brain malfunction. 

Next up… the weekend… this is how I spent most of my weekend: 

WEEPING!!  Only because it’s been snowing every day all day since Thursday.  Oh, the humanity!  Picture this… you’re a kid and your mom tells you that you will be going to a party… a party filled with all your friends and candy and pillows made out of chocolate pudding and genies that pop out of lanterns and grant you your favorite wish and you just so happen to be best friends with Donald Trump… and then when you get to this magical party land, you spend the whole time waist deep in cow manure.  That’s pretty much what a week of snowing during spring is like!  My mom told me I needed to count my blessings and be grateful that the sun poked it’s head out of the clouds and fog for approximately 1 hour last evening… you know what I said to that?  Cow Pucky!!  I’ll be grateful when I get 2 days in a row of no snow/cold/rain.  Take that and serve it for dinner!  Grateful my rear femur!

Meanwhile, I’ve been numbdumb eating like it’s New Year’s Eve 1999 and all the computers are about to explode in that whole Y2K catastrophe some computer geeks made up after they finished solving logarithms on their computing systems.  I was walking around in my state of anger and frustration and depression over the craptastic weather, eating everything within arm’s length.  I know I’m an emotional eater and I usually can curb that when I think long and hard about what emotion I’m having… but at this point, I haven’t cared to think about it.  I’d just rather numbdumb eat it away.  I got out last night during the 1 hour of sun peeking out of the clouds, and even though it was frigid, it gave me a chance to clear my head and remember what I’m doing here.  My brain yelled at my mouth… STOP… and hopefully that was enough to jolt it out of it’s stupidity.  I tell you what, seasonal affective disorder (SAD) ain’t here to make friends… she’s here to take prisoners!  No worries, though, I already have a plan…  I plan on calling my good pal Donald Trump to bail me out of this mess.  Donald… you hungry for some leftover Snickers? 

Put this into perspective, Whitney.  The spring fog will clear… there’s never been a time when it hasn’t!

Question of the Day:  What do  you do to lift your spirits during neverending Sprinter (aka Winter masquerading as… Winter)?


Filed under Calorizing, Little Things

Yo yo… Who Wants Free Chip’Ins!?


So, I have a new secret lover… shhhhhhhh… don’t tell anyone.  Personally, I think that it’s the perfect brand of secret lover… A) It never sasses back… 2) It lets me do all the talking… and C) It never yells at me after I’ve bit it’s head off during “friendly woman hormone hoarding” week.  That’s my kind of pal… I tell you what!  They’re called Chip’Ins and are made by this newish company named, Popcorn Indiana.  Basically, Chip’Ins are popcorn flattened out by a bulldozer and fashioned into the shape of a potato chip by little gremlins wearing recycled Lady Gaga outfits… and oh my laws they are tasty!  Okay… so I lied about the gremelins and the Gaga outfittage… but the popcorn chips thing is totally the truth. 

They were handing out samples (during free sample lunch) at Sam’s Club the other week.  The sample gremelin lady kept going on and on and on about how this was a limited time offer and that they wouldn’t be selling them forever and blah, blah, blah, blahblahblahblah!   So, of course I panicked and bought approximately 67 cases of the stuff!  Yes, I’m fully aware that that was a ploy to get people to buy the product… and yes, I’m fully aware that if the company isn’t stupid, they wouldn’t be pulling their product out of stores willy nilly.  But, I’m also as gullible as a guppy… and on the off chance that the world is to crumble into pieces tomorrow morning, at least I have my lifetime supply of Chip’Ins!  I genuinely feel sorry for the rest of you! 

My mother offended me the other day when I made her try them and her reply when I asked how awesome they were was… “Eh…”  Eh… EH!?!?!  What are you, heartless!?!?  Here I was going on and on and on about them and she can’t even muster a full word!?  Eh… my rear pancreas!  But, I also made my sister, brother-in-law, and dad try them and they all really liked them (maybe not dad, but that would probably be because there was no ‘Rare Steak with Oozing Blood and a Bell Around It’s Neck’ flavor).  

So, here’s the deal.  Since y’all have been awesomitis readers, I aim to give away one of my 72 packages of chip’ins (and no it’s not because I ran out of places to store them… okay, maybe it is).  Just because I’m in a giving mood and I want to help build up your crumbling earth food storage.  For the calorizers, here are the facts:

Calories:  130 for 18 chips    Fat:  4 grams    Fiber:  1 gram

And just because you probably need a drink to wash that down with (and I bought the mega lifetime supply of these drinks too), I’m throwing in a bottle of Fuze Slenderize…

No, I am not related to Mr. Popcorn Indiana, nor do I live in Indiana and make Fuze drinks out of my basement crack house on the side.  I’m just a gullible psycho shopper with no place to store things.  By the by… for those of you who don’t win and still want to try the Chip’Ins… aside from Sam’s, they also sell them at Wal-Mart in the chip aisle (SANITIZE your shopping cart handles, people!)  Not that I would know or anything… and not like I didn’t just go there yesterday and buy 2 more bags to add to my collection. 

There are 2 ways to enter and you can have up to 2 entries. 

1.  You can post a reply on this here topic introducing* yourself to me (I don’t care if we’ve already been introduced… introduce yourself again!)
2.  You can go to the Facebook page link on the side of this blog, like the page, and then post on the wall introducing* yourself to me. 

*Introducing yourself means tell me your name (first is fine, I ain’t from the Witness Protection Program) and how you found my blog.

I will pick the winner by random draw on Monday and then you can get your shipping information to me!  By the by… this giveaway is only for US and Canada addresses… sorry further away friends… I still love you, but you live FAR!!  FREE stuff is totes the coolest.  Also… bring on the end of the world… I’m fully stocked and ready!  😛

Note:  Have a great weekend, friends!  Thank you for reading and for taking the time to comment… as another heads up, I do reply to your comments (most of the time), so don’t think you are talking to yourself!



Filed under Calorizing, Food