Tag Archives: holidays

Crafting for Germ-A-Phobes…

Madre and I attended a holiday crafting majiggy the other day.  We didn’t know much about it, just that it was about holidays and crafting… and food.  We had to pre-register and pay a fee to attend, but the hours were from 10 to 2, so I assumed you could just show up willy nilly whenever the tardy bug bit.  I assumed it was a bunch of crafting booths set up and you’d walk around to each of the booths and watch a crafting demonstration and then pretend you were going to go right home and craft up a frigging storm.   Well, I assumed wrong!  At around 10:20-ish we were still sitting at home drooling out our mouths when Madre’s phone rang and the lady on the other end was wondering where we, the obvious crafting experts of the bunch, were!  I’m all like, Crafting waits for Whitney… and Whitney ain’t there.  Turns out, it was a 4-hour sit-down event where presenters would get up on a stage one by one and demonstrate their craft.  Color me 3 shades of putrid embarrassment!

We arrived at around 10:45-ish, missing out on the breakfast portion and the first 3 or so presenters.  I guess crafting doesn’t wait for Whitney.  I’m not a huge crafter (OBVIOUSNESS ALERT!) but that doesn’t mean I don’t admire the folks who do and can craft, and it was fun to see what creations they came up with.  Well, except for the chic who presented the class on how to craft on a budget.  To be fair, I didn’t really listen to most of her crafts on account of the fact that one of the first ones was how to use toilet paper holders to make stylish napkin rings!  Oh hail no!  My germ-a-phobe brain went 12 million miles a minute after that revelation!  So, you’re going to give me a napkin, which I will use to wipe my MOUTH on, wrapped up with a thing that’s been collecting toilet water spray in the bathroom for its entire life!?!?  Turns out normal people don’t think that way and it’s perfectly acceptable to wipe one’s mouth on a relic from one’s behind-wiping days… lesson learned.

They had a smorgasbord of food throughout the 4 hours, which I kept track of but ended up being like nearly 1000 calories when all was said and done.  Note to self, just because there are vegetable sticks on the tray, doesn’t mean the rest of the table is calorie-free!

We also learned about an exploding picture box, which I’m sure I’ll make just as soon as I get the blanket fabric that’s been sitting on my floor for 6 months sewed up.  And we also were introduced to Phoomph… some sort of magical crafting material one can stick fabric to and instead of sewing, you just have to be good at scissors and sticky stuff.  Too bad I can’t make my quilt out of Phoomph!  For serious!

This is my pal, Kayla, modeling my 4-H-winning ugly polka-dot shirt complete with elastic flouncy waist band that I made when I was 12.  Thank all that be holy we can’t turn back time!  Oh wait… polka-dots are in style again!  Pretty sure the skorts (aka skirt/shorts) I made to go with this winner aren’t… thank all that be holy… or are they?








Filed under Life

Accountability and Insanity…

Hi y’all… long time no blabber… not really.  I blabbered every single day last week… just no one paid any attention to the psychotic spinster in the corner.  I’ve always tried to blend in.  A couple of things today… Firstly, FatMas Accountability!!  I don’t feel any overwhelming need to rundown what the points entail since this is week 6 and the 2 people left pretty much have it down and if you don’t and need a rundown anyway, make sure you clickety click on this here linkage.  That’s the lazy woman’s way of saying… suck it!

Total Points This Week:
Total Points From Previous 5 Weeks:


1 – What are you most proud of accomplishing this week?
2 – What can you improve on this week?
3 –  What did you improve on from last week?
4 – Thoughts/Comments/Frustrations/Concerns/Funny Jokes?


My answers… bear in mind I did HORRIBLY at this thing during Finals week… HORRIBLY!  Moving on…

Total Points This Week:  13
Total Points From Previous 5 Weeks:  93


1 – What are you most proud of accomplishing this week?  Ummmm… let’s see… well… I didn’t hardly dribble any food on my shirt as I was unconsciously shoveling it in like a pack horse on desert duty.  I’ve come to the conclusion this week that I hate food and it’s overwhelming subliminal messages it puts out into the world… I’ve hated it on and off my whole life, but this is more legit-like!

2 – What can you improve on this week?  Everything and the kitchen sink.  Bless the pygmy goats and their riders stay out of my way… I’m a machine!

3 –  What did you improve on from last week?  Uh… obviously the dribbling on the shirt thing… OBVS!!!

4 – Thoughts/Comments/Frustrations/Concerns/Funny Jokes?  Tetrazzini is a funny word like moist and dribble… oh, and squall!


PS – I have been heartsick over this senseless, horrific, unfathomable act in Connecticut this past Friday.  Those poor innocent, beautiful babies and their families!  Thoughts and prayers and more thoughts and prayers are being sent that the victim’s friends and families may find peace and comfort.



Filed under Operation: No More FatMas

10 Ridiculous Things “DIE”ter’s Say…

I read this article sometime before Thanksgiving whilst trying to find some fresh ammunition to get my butt back into the groove of eating less craptastically.  It hasn’t worked yet, but I aim to drill it into my noggin with my trusty Black and Decker drill bit.  Anyone ever tried drill therapy?  Drill a hole through your tongue and you’ll never want to eat again?

The article contained 10 Ridiculous Things “Die”ters Say… and since I’m never in my lifetime ever going on another “die”t even with a drilled hole in my tongue, I changed it to 10 Ridiculous Things Calorizers Say… there… psyche quelled.  My plan in this post is to list each individual item in bold, and then make snarktastic comments to the side of them.  You are welcome.

1- “If I exercise enough I can eat what I want.”  I’ve learned that this weight loss thing is approximately 90% what and how much you eat and 10% exercise.  If you’re eating fast food 3 times a day and exercising 30 minutes a day… you’re going to gain weight.  Exercise is beneficial for a healthy body/heart/mind, all that good stuff, but it doesn’t do a thing if you’re not throwing in the eating properly thing too.

2- “I don’t drink soda. Only juice, tea, and lemonade.”   I’m adding “all things in moderation” to this here point.  Lighten up, Fitbie… geez!  Drinking anything aside from water is going to be empty calories and those empty calories can add up fast… so by the end of the day you’re left wanting to chew something.  I’ve never been into shakes and smoothies and the like for that very reason.  I don’t feel like I’ve eaten anything unless I’m chewing.

3 – “I avoid potatoes because they’re fattening.”  SACRILEGE!!!!  I’m from Idaho… take that back!  I don’t care if 10 years down the road they discover potatoes cause zits and oily pores… I’m a gonna be baking and eating and mashing my taters until they throw me 6-feet down.   The only fattening potato is the french-fried one and/or the one you put 10 pounds of butter and a container of Sour Cream on… and come on… that had to be obvious.

4 – “I never eat after 7 PM.”  THANK YOU!!  I always got frustrated with the nutritionist/dieticians who told me I needed to close my mouth and my kitchen after 6:30.  I can’t work like that because when someone tells me I can’t do something, I’m going to be obsessing over it until I do it anyway.  All things in moderation… chillax!

5 – “I eat the organic chips, which are healthier.”  ALL THINGS IN MODERATION!  Again, grow some frijoles, Fitbie!  (yes I’m aware that I just told them to grow some beans).   Of course organic does not automatically mean healthy… it just means they grew the stuff in cow doo instead of with chemicals and pesticides and stuff.  Somehow the cow doo sounds less appetizing, but I’ll take your word for it, people of the Earth.

6 – “I already blew my diet and ate a piece of cake. Might as well eat the rest of it.”  Oh boy… they must have heard me talking like pretty much every day the last few weeks.  My favorite is… I’ll start again tomorrow… which inevitably has turned into 3 months later and I’m about to say it again.  Disgrosting behavior, Whitnit!

7 – “No water for me today—I don’t want to look bloated at the party tonight.”  I have never in my lifetime ever uttered such ridiculousness.  PUH-LEASE, Twiggy and Mary Kate Olsen!  Firstly, I never go to parties… and secondly, water is the nectar of the smart people!

8 – “I can’t eat eggs, they’re bad for me!”
  Oh, shoot me now… I eat eggs several times a week… it’s one of my main sources of protein.  Most times it’s the egg white/egg beater form, but I do regularly eat whole eggs too.  Don’t offend the chickens… eat eggs!

9 – “If I eat breakfast, I’ll keep eating all day”  Durrrrrrrrrrrrrr… another one from Twiggy, I suppose.  Eat breakfast and be Merry for tomorrow you can eat it again.  Eating breakfast is a smart thing for your blood sugar and your metabolism.

10 – “I ate a triple hamburger and large shake today, but that never happens.”  And your point is?  ALL THINGS IN MODERATION!  I suppose if I were to use the all things in moderation mantra on this one, it wouldn’t be a triple burger but a single and the large shake would become a small… and it wouldn’t be a daily occurrence, but a once-in-a-while one.  Be smart about it… and LIGHTEN UP!!

Question of the Day:  Which of these phrases are you most famous for saying?  Which do you have mastered?  

This here is Marvin… he was a nice visitor and all until he attempted to eat my camera.  Nice try, Marvin!


Filed under Calorizing, Diet

Week 3 Accountability: The Holiday Edition.

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.  Is there a reason they use the word boy in that phrase rather than girl?  I rest my case.  Tough to be you boys… I’m just saying.  Meanwhile, back in the land of bloated people and tight pants, how’s it going my Operation:  No More FatMas people?  Even those of you who have already quit… I’m still saying howdy and JUMP back in… PERSISTENCE is the key to success… no matter if you get 2 points one week, it’s the measure of a man/woman who keeps coming back despite falling off the turnip truck.  I’m saying that even though this week was not at all stellar for me… and I need to kick my own butt into gear next week, which is a task in and of itself when you consider the size of my buttocks.  At least it’s hard to miss… tee hee hee hee…

Here’s a brief reminder of what the points entailed… and if you’re just walking into this thing and want to participate… check out this post.

Cardio –

3 days this week = 5 points
More or less than 3 days = 1 point per day

Weight Lifting –

2 days this week = 5 points
More or less than 2 days = 1 point per day

Food Logging – 

5 days this week = 5 points
More or less than 5 days = 1 point per day

Mental Health – 

First item from list = 5 points
Each additional item = 1 point each

Total Points This Week:
Total Points From Previous 2 Weeks:


1 – What are you most proud of accomplishing this week?
2 – What can you improve on this week?
3 –  What did you improve on from last week?
4 – Thoughts/Comments/Frustrations/Concerns/Funny Jokes?


My answers:

Total Points This Week:  14 (you betcha)
Total Points From Previous 2 Weeks (which you can find in this post):  38


1 – What are you most proud of accomplishing this week?  Considering this was holiday week of smorgasboard city, I’m most proud of accomplishing cardio for 3 days and logging for 4.  I did NO weight lifting unless you count that time I picked up the turkey carcass… and considering turkeys love vegetarians, he was mighty thankful… dead but thankful.

2 – What can you improve on this week?  EVERYTHING!!!  Weight lifting for certain… logging less crap for absolutely positively craptastically sure… mentally healthing up the joint…

3 –  What did you improve on from last week?  Hmmmm… not a dagblasted thing… unless you count the turkey carcass thing.

4 – Thoughts/Comments/Frustrations/Concerns/Funny Jokes?  Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?  Sponge Bob Square Pants!  I may or may not have just finished watching the Sponge Bob Christmas special that was on on Friday night… I said I MAY or MAY NOT have.

We have a good month until Christmas and a little over a month until this operation challengey majig is in the can.  Bring it, my people. Like I say, good weeks or bad weeks… persistence is all that matters… steps off pedestal (or knowing me, more than likely falls face first off pedestal into a porcupine).


Filed under Operation: No More FatMas

Operation: No More FatMas…

Challenges are for schmucks… this here thing I’m about to undertake is an OPERATION!  An operation of epic proportions… okay, that was wayyyyyyyy overly-self-importantly dramatic, Whitney… tone it back 17 notches.  This “operation” is first and foremost for me and me alone… I need it… and I need to not gain 5 bajillion pounds over the holiday season this year.  I say that because I am well aware that even though I’m extending this out to anyone else who may want a little bit of a push/accountability factor, I may well be the only one interested in committing to said operation.  And since this shindig is for me first and foremost, I’m fine with that!  So, if this ain’t your cup o’ tea, no big deal.  I won’t be offended!

That said… I did a little bit of brain wracking over the weekend… more than usual… which just so happens to be negative 8 billion on most non-work weekends.  What I came up with is a simple 4-pronged operation… kind of like a fork!!!  Oh my laws… a FORK… and you EAT with a fork.  How exciting is that analogy!  **crickets**  No one?

The 4 prongs are simple:  Cardio, Weight Lifting, Food Logging, and Mental Health.  Let’s break it down by category.

Cardio = 5 Points

The requirement is that you need to do some form of cardio for at LEAST 30 minutes a day 3 days a week.  If you accomplish said goal by the end of the week (weeks in this joint will be Monday to Sunday) you get the full 5 points!  If you only do 1 or 2 days… you get 1 point per day you do it.  Easy.

Weight Lifting = 5 Points

Requirement here?  At least 2 days a week of some form of weight lifting activity… whether it be via a DVD, at the gym, at home… blah, blah, blah…    If you do 2 days’ worth of weight lifting per week, you get the full 5 points!  If you only do 1 day… you get 1 point.

*** If you’re doing it at home and you need some routine ideas, check out this site:  GPP Fitness!  Lindsay highly recommends.  I think the guy who runs aforementioned site posts a new weight lifting routine each day… pretty good ideas up in that joint!

Food Logging = 5 Points

I’m not putting any calorie limits on this thing.  You could eat 500000000000 calories per day (though I’d HIGHLY recommend you rethink that method before you start it) and it wouldn’t matter as long as you logged your food!  Accountability for what you eat is MUY IMPORTANTE!  The requirement here is you need to log everything you eat for at least 5 days per week to get the full 5 points!  Otherwise, it is 1 point per day.  The reason I’m not putting an emphasis on calories is because this is the holiday season after all.  We’re all human and we will all eat things that have a lot of calories at some point throughout the season.  The point of this challenge is to not GAIN weight.  Maintenance is key… losing is awesome… but maintenance is goal.

*** If you need a free and extremely easy way to log food via computer or smart phone (my phone is too dumb to have apps), do not hesitate to go join MyFitnessPal… FREE, easy, FREE, and did I mention FREE?

Mental Health = 5 Points

This one is going to be up to you.  You should pick at least one thing that will help you mentally (because this thing is a full package deal).  Ideas for those struggling to come up with something:

– Prayer/Meditation daily
– Writing in a Journal
– Random Acts of Kindness
– Weekly Community Service
– Get 8 hours of sleep per night
– Reading scriptures/positive books

Just a few of the many possibilities.  Pick one, pick how often you will do it (has to at least be weekly) and then if you accomplish said mental health task you get 5 points!  If you do not accomplish said task, you get ZERO points!

Extra Credit = 1 Point Per Thing

If you’re one of those go-getters who want to get a big ole fat jump on the competition, you get extra credit points for pretty much anything you do extra… 1 point per extra thing.  So, if you exercise/weight lift more than 3 days per week, 1 point extra per day. If you log your food more than 5 days, 1 point extra per day.  If you pick another mental health item to accomplish weekly, 1 point extra.  Get it?  SIMPLE!

Once a week, maybe on Mondays since this started on a Mondee, I will post an accountability blog post wherein you can check in with how many points you mastered that week and/or explain to us how you want to move in with Richard Simmons and his fanny pack.  No one judges up in this here joint!


Whomever has the most points at the end of the shebang gets a $30 gift card to either Amazon or Wally World and an extra homemade knitted/crocheted good (which I haven’t exactly decided what will be yet).  In the event of a tie, I will draw a name randomly.  Also, if I’m the only one participating, it’s easy to randomly draw my name!  😛  Funny how that works!

This OPERATION goes from  November 5 through December 30, 2012!  

Question of the Day:  Do we have any takers?  If so, please post the mental health choice you picked and sign your name in blood in the comment section (okay, not blood… I have a germ issue!)


Filed under Calorizing, Exercise

The Holidays In A Nutshell…

Wow… it seems like it’s been like 850 decades since I last Shakespeared it up in this here joint… and by Shakespeare I mean Shakespeare for Dummies… Not that anyone who reads this here thing is a dummy… more like the FauxShakespeareWhitney used the Cliff Notes to pass a test on Macbeth in 11th grade English.  Take that, Lady Goo Goo!  The holidays are a fun time… but I’m glad to get back to regular land so that I can quit using… But… IT’S THE HOLIDAYS as an excuse to eat an entire 1-pound box of chocolates.  SHUT THE CRIMENY PUFFS UP, Excuse monster!  He’s kind of like the Boogie Man, but with less boogies and a WHOLE lot more excuses.  So, before I get into that whole renewing the healthified living posts and goaling it up for the 2012 kicking buttocks and bane of existences… here’s a brief rundown of my holeedays!!

– Christmas Eve traditions were in full force… including annual fondue dinner:

The table setting….

The cheese fondue… which also doubled as a face mask for Whitney at the end of the night…

The chocolate fondue… which I pretty much just used the leftovers to bathe in later.  Fondue is awesome because you just have a bunch of random pieces of things that you dunk into this ooey gooey lava-ey pot.  Laws almighty it’s glorious!

Lindser and Jen-Jen… I wasn’t too good at taking pictures of the attendees… so these are what I got…

Lindsay loves the meat plate… and if you squint real hard in the background you’ll see Seth and BIL, Shayne! 

The light tour… this house up the road went ALL out!

Cuzzins Jen-Jen and Seth attended the Christmas festivities for the first and LAST time.  I’m pretty sure they’ll never come back into my clumsy genes radar after the ordeal we put a pregnant woman through.  Within 10 hours, Jen managed to dislocate a disk in her back when she fell butt first on the stairs whilst putting on a fruit salsa waterfall show… the folks always wanted to paint the walls reddish (Seth made the salsa… and it was DEEE VINE… even on the carpet!)  Christmas Eve comes the tradition of attending Presbytarian 11:00 p.m. mass.  We aren’t Presbytarians, but we attend because you can never get too much “Christ” in you Mas…

Unfortunately, this is where Jen-Jen nearly killed herself when she tripped over a curb and then nearly burnt the church down when she dropped her entire candle whilst trying to accept the flame from my candle.  Thankfully it wasn’t lit yet… otherwise, we done had a flaming Yuletide on our hands!  We really weren’t being disrespectful but the candle thing did us all in and we had a hard time stopping the rupture of giggles in the back row.  Oh laws… we are not welcome back there again!

Christmas morning we attended our church where Jen nearly suffocated whilst partaking of the Sacrament water when it went down the wrong tube.  Thank all that be holy we sent her home alive and well the next morning.  Sunday included present opening… Christian and Ethan got a load!

And we all know what Madre got…

MuuMuu number 30045234… at least now next time she goes on an African safari she’ll blend in with the leopards AND the giraffes… and possibly the camels.   I thought I was doing her a favor by buying her this:

She did not appreciate the thought!  Lucy-Fur sure loves it, though!  (ooo… can you see your Christmas card on the door of Christmas cards?)  What did I get?

I guess now I have to put my snow shoeing money where my mouth is!!  Too bad we had the driest December in state history.  I cannot find any snow to use these things on!!  I think my limbs will thank me for keeping them intact for a few more weeks!

For brunch we had a delectable waffle bar… 3 different flavors of waffles with different toppings.  Carrot cake waffles… pumpkin waffles… and chocolate chip waffles.  My favorite was the pumpkin waffle with apple cider syrup… YUMMMERIFIC!!

And then we rounded out the night with games, games, games… Jen and Seth bought this one for my folks… it was pretty durn fun:

Despite the half-nekked dudes on the box… attractive as they might be!

Merry 2012, everyone!  May this year bring you all the best… and by the best I really mean better than the best!!

Question of the Day:  How were your holidays?  Do you have any traditional foods that you eat? 



Filed under Christmas, Family, Food