If anyone needs me I’ve been accepted into the Sea World School of Seal Barking Exhibits. I think I have a pretty good chance at becoming A+ at their language on account of the fact that I’m on week three of bronchitis/head congestion and have mastered said seal barking to the next level! Pretty proud day, I must say! Meanwhile, if anyone knows of anyone who would be able to slice a hole into my head somewhere, tip me upside down, and drain out all the goobers, I’d be there with Tinkerbells on. One go-round of antibiotics hasn’t touched it and I feel like everyone would thank you for the service of peace and quiet… not just me.
In other news… I had a strange conversation in my Literature class last week. I usually arrive a bit early and while I was sitting there with another student, also overweight, we began talking about “die”ts. I didn’t bring it up… I don’t bring that subject up unless someone else does because A.) it can be construed as rude (are you saying I need to go on a diet!?!?) and 2.) It’s none of my dang business. Also, I hate the word, “die”t as has been established approximately 12,000 times in the last 4 years. Anyway, we got talking about how she was researching different diets to find which would be the best for her to start. She asked which one I liked the best, to which I answered… NONE OF THE ABOVE! Okay, okay… if you have to twist my arm I’d say Weight Watchers, only because it believes what I believe… moderation in all things. But, WW brings with it bad memories of my 7-year-old self sitting in WW meetings with 3000 adults, so I won’t be using that method any time soon unless my fellow seal barkers take me there against my will.
I’m pretty stubborn on the moderation in all things method. Pretty stubborn because I know it works… I’ve seen the most results of any of the bajillions of diets I’ve ever been on… and most importantly it’s common sense for lifelong success. Here’s where some folks get confused (and I’ve been confused on many occasion including the last year or so), just because it’s moderation in all things does not mean that one should be able to eat 5 boxes of Twinkies and a keg of root beer everyday as long as one stays within their set amount of calories. That ain’t moderation fellow seal barkers named Whitney! It just means that life will happen and food is a part of life no matter how many darts we throw at it… so I can have a Twinkie here and there… and I can eat above my allotted calories here and there… and no food is off the table… no matter it’s fat or calorie content. 90% angel begets 10% devil… take that to the bank.
I do believe that what works for one person does not work for another person, and I respect that… everyone has to find out what works for them. Moderation in all things is my gig. And I’ll be stubborn about that until the seals quit barking. Granted… if I wanted to become Miss Buff Body Builder Barker, I’d have to conform my eating to one of a body builders. Since I want to be plain ole healthier Whitney with extra skin jiggles and cankles, I’ll go on eating in moderation. So, girl from my Lit class… if you’re reading this… NONE OF THE ABOVE!
Side note: I realize I talk about Twinkies like an excessive amount. It’s like I’m in love with them or something. I’d just like to clear up the confusion. I actually do not like Twinkies, but their name is so cute and so I’ve decided to use them as a code word for food that is less nutritious and more indulgent. Get my drift, Merle!? Using Twinkies… one sentence at a time!
