Tag Archives: numbdumb eating

Eating Mindfully… You Got It, Flaunt It…

No, I’m not lying here in bed wearing a new pair of pajamas I bought this weekend… and no they do not have a kitty cat on them wearing a pink-studded collar… no… not at all… why do you ask?  Also, if they’re going to make these dagblasted pajamas in my size, you’re darn tootin’ I’m going to be buying them… although I do draw the line at nastiness.  Pajama addictions… a real thing since 2011!  At least I didn’t decide to take up dope weed, yo!  

I mentioned last week sometime… who knows, I talk so much I barely remember when Boozeday is… about my issue with numbdumb eating making a resurgence of stupidity of late… not that it ever went away completely, I just had a better control of it at certain times in the past.  Lately, it’s been, eh… who cares… I’ll do better tomorrow.  Which is cool for one or two days, but when your one or two days turns into weeks and months, you need to figure out something to check yourself.  I also mentioned that I didn’t want to talk about it until I had a viable plan in place to fix it.  What’s the use of whining all day when there’s no one within ear shot to annoy?  I pick my whining battles very carefully.   A girl with no plan is just a plastic sack flapping her lips in a tornado.  That was surely an old Chinese Proverb… don’t believe me, do not look it up.  It’s of the rarer Proverbial variety.  

In my slow watch of the documentary, The Weight of the NationI came across the art of mindful eating.  I had heard of it in the past, and surely had tried to practice it in my many “die”ts over the years, but it definitely didn’t stick.  Most folks multitask when they eat… computers, TV, work, reading material, etc., all are convenient ways to not have any idea what you just put in your mouth.  I can eat a whole meal and not remember what I’ve eaten and how it tasted.  The Weight of the Nation website did not have a convenient clip about mindful eating, so if you want to watch what they had to say about it, watch part 2 of the documentary at the above link… I highly recommend part 2… some great advice and info-mashion given up in that joint!  The following video is one I found on YouTube on how to practice mindful eating:

Guarantee he looks like a dude just released from the mental asylum, mindfully eating like he ain’t never seen an orange before.  Secondly, does he not know how to peel the orange rind off more than that!?  That aside, some good tips there.  I’m not going to be able to mindfully eat for every meal, but I’ve decided that I need to at least do it for one meal a day… most likely dinner.  And the other meals, I need to sit my butt at a table and eat… If I think about what I’m eating, maybe I’ll feel full and then when I feel full I won’t want to numbdumb up the house like it be Hansel and Gretel on steroids.  Whitney… you’ve got a mind for a reason… flaunt it! 

Also… note to self… stay away from Thyme and Rosemary… leave them there herbs for that Scarborough Fair song.  

Question of the Day:  Do you feel that you mindfully eat?  Do you multitask whilst you eat?  

 

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Venus Williams Ain’t Got Nothing On Me…

… in the weight department.  😛  I’m trying… trying is the key word… to be more brave in the exercising department because I feel like I’m in a rut… like I’m floating in an oarless boat and just happened upon a crapload of quicksand.  The numbdumb eating portion of this is my biggest issue, but I’m saving that rant for another day because I have grounded myself… sent myself to my room to think about my actions.  That’ll teach me!  Plus, I feel like I don’t want to rant about something without a solid plan on how to fix it… but I do think it’s important to rant it out… save myself from myself… because sometimes myself can be myself’s own worst enemy.  Oh, myself… lighten up!

Back to the exercising talk.  I used to be a softball player… LOVED it… every dagnabbed minute of it… and I think I was fairly good at it at one point.  But, then I got too big to play… can you imagine a 530-pound hippopotamus diving for a fly ball?  Totes not recommended… unless America’s Funniest Home Videos is in town… Gotcha a million-dollar winner, fellers!  I so wanted to try out for my high school softball team… even got as far as getting on the bus that would take me to tryouts, but then at the last minute I chickened out… got off the bus and called my mom from the 7-11 to come and pick me up.  I was sure there was no way they’d let a fat chic on the team.  Moving on from patheticville… it’s been years since I’ve even put a mitt on and thrown a softball around… YEARS.  Sunday evening, I talked my dad into playing a bit of catch… and my love of softball all came rushing back to me.  It was a beautiful feeling… time to find me a pair of compression shorts and get my softball on…

Monday night, I dug out the old tennis rackets and drug Madre up to the university tennis courts to embarrass ourselves… and by ourselves, I really mean just me.  Side note:  I have played tennis 2 times in my life… both times I’ve sucked… and this 3rd time was no exception.  I should have charged admission.  I swear by the holy tennis courts that it wasn’t my fault.  Firstly, I wasn’t wearing the right outfit… didn’t have one pair of those little tennisy skirts up in that joint… nor did I have a visor cap or a Venus Williams original spandex suit.  (The entire state of Utah called to thank me for that afterwards!)

Maybe it was the fact that my racket was made in the 80s… but it says I’m totes a pro!?!?!?  Secondly, they need to adopt that thing that bowling does for the youngsters… bumper bowling?  Except with tennis courts.

As you can see, there were no partitions between courts… and there were 4 courts in a row and we were stuck in a middle one with a team playing on each side of us, which I’m sure was just the best possible experience for them, having to field my skeewampusly hit balls every 3-1/2 seconds.  I just whacked the sucker and prayed it didn’t hit the Pacific Ocean by 2022.  And then… THEN… every time I’d jog to hit or pick up the ball, it sounded like I was clapping for the tennisy-ing neighbors… Bravo on that hit, stranger man.  Good going, stranger lady… stupid hanging skin flabs.  When I got home, I immediately Googled compression shorts for clapping skin flabs… I’ll let you know if they work out.  In the mean time, I diefinitely won’t take up the sport of Tennis professionally. Venus… you’re safe with your world titles.  Believe me!!

Question of the Day:  Did you play any sports in high school/as a kid?   What’s your favorite sport to play? 

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Donuts Are Vegetables Now… Hear Me Out!!!

Dead serious… DEAD!  We fried her up in a vat of VEGETABLE oil, which would totes constitute a vegetable.  Hello… it’s in the dagnabbed name… the oil from a vegetable!!!  Of course, I’m totally joking… just trying to help Congress out after they came out embarrassing themselves whilst swearing up and down that frozen pizza counted as a vegetable due to the tomato paste.  They also consider french fries a vegetable because they’re potatoes.  Heck yes!!!  That just proves all those years of consuming vast amounts of fried frenches and pizza like it was going out of style was the healthiest decision of my frig frammed lifetime!  It’s kind of like saying, you went to the Bahamas and all I got was this T-shirt… except it’s more like, I ate my weight in vegetables and all I got was this prescription for a heart attack.  I’m not saying there’s a thing wrong with eating either of these things… in moderation, but constituting them as a vegetable to kids who don’t know any better!?  PREPOSTEROUS!!   Oh yeah… that was me yelling in all caps… you best believe it’s true.  Let’s call a duck a duck… if it quacks, it’s a duck.  If it doesn’t grow out of the ground… IT AIN’T A VEGETABLE!!!  It’s quite ironic they’re naming it a vegetable because of the tomato paste anyway… especially considering that it’s always been argued whether a tomato is actually a vegetable or a fruit because it has seeds.  I’m crossing my fingers for when they come out that Skittles are actually fruit!  Pleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease!!!!!!!!

Back to my list:

Plan your food diary a week in advance and try to stick with it. 

I’ve done this before and I aim to do it again, but NEXT WEEK when I have more control over my food and recipes.  Thanksgiving week is a bad time to try to plan around, but I will guarantee you that I will eat my fruit/vegetables when I eat my round piece of pumpkin pie.  JOKES on the round part… not the actual eating of the pumpkiny pie.  This whole holiday season crapola is a tricky thing to master, and I’m not feeling totally confident that it will be mastered since I’ve yet to get a handle on my regularly scheduled eating like a bird mission ever since I got back from vacation.  Stupid vacation… and I’d also like to blame it some on Daylight Savings Time and the fact that it’s now dark by 5:00…   Let’s see… what else can I blame it on… hormoney hoarding, Halloween, my birthday, zit breakouts, the NBA idiots who want more money, Wheel of Fortune, Pat Sajack, Superman, and just because he needs more scandal… Herman Cain.  Pshaw… y’all can see what I’ve had to deal with over the last month or so.

Have a day to eat what you feel like without feeling guilty.

LOL!!  That’s my main problem of late… I have too many of those days.  I seem to do beautifully Monday through Thursday, and then Friday, Saturday, and Sunday roll along and it’s like numbdumb eating all over the Buffet o’ Congress!  I’m ashamed to say I did not get my pizza vegetable in on any weekend.  Pass that Bill and call it Sally!  While I regain focus and work out a plan to master this elusive holiday eating spree, y’all get up your lists for Black Friday… 4 more days… what are you waiting for?  Don’t call me at 5:00 in the morning… I’ll be dreaming about donuts and pizza…

Question of the Day:  Do you ever have a day where you eat anything you want and not feel bad about it? 

My weekend included a lot of this:

Like, over a foot of that when all was said and done.  I swear there were mountains there in the background at one point… they might be lost until July.  Buckle in folks, we be in for a long winter’s nap!  How do I turn into a bear so I can hibernate?

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The Attack of the Killer Hormones… and Flying Bird Updates…

That’s a movie… The Attack of the Killer Hormones… it’s a sequel to the much loved movie, Attack of the Grumpy Women and the Men Who Love Them!!  Nonscar Awards all over for those babies (the evil and embittered cuzzin of the Oscars)!  The last few days I’ve pretty much had the disease not logging thy food numbdumb eating marathons.  I blame it 2% on hormone woman hoarding week/boredom/irritation/annoyance/burn out and the other 98% on lamebutt excuses like the previous 8000 I just listed.  I don’t beat myself up anymore when I go through a rough spot… that’s not helpful at all… just causes that neverending circle of emotional roller coaster eating that won’t end.  So, I made some mistakes this week… that didn’t cause me to gain 217 pounds back.  Nope… it didn’t.  I’m well aware that a lifestyle change is never going to be perfect and I’m okay with that.  Perfect people aren’t learning… imperfect people and all their flaws have a lifetime of growing to do… that’s what I’m here for.  That and to eat as much chocolate as I can in the span of a lifetime.  There best be a Guinness Record for that because I aim to have my name on that page! 

So, through my flawsy week, I’ve kind of felt like that blueberry chic girl from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory:

Funny… If I were to go and put on all blue right now and paint my face… we could totes be relations!!  In the meantime… I cannot even look at those Oompa Loompas… childhood nightmares!!  It wouldn’t be so bad if they all didn’t have the exact same singing voice, weren’t green haired and robotic, and weren’t wearing starfish-shaped trousers!  Roll me out the door, freaktastic little dudes!  I think it’s important to step back and learn why I numbdumb eat… gives me better ammunition to control it the next time I start walking around and blindly stuffing whatever is handy in the pie hole.  So, I like to ponder what’s been going on in my noggin when I have a bad stretch. 

Moving forward.  Time to update progress on the ole Mission:  Uncage the Singing Bird goals.  I can’t say I’ve been gung ho on getting much done.  Just sort of doing my regular, “wait until the very last minute and then pounce on it” spiel.  But, I’m advancing some.  For example, for my first goal (Make a CD of me singing and sing more in general), I have a singing gig in church on Sunday.  The first one in 2011.  I’m nervous already and have my song selection narrowed down to 25 songs… pretty good if you ask me; it used to be 26.  I realize it’s Friday and Sunday is like 2 days away, but that is what Saturday night at 11:59 p.m. is for.  That and washing my hairs (yes… hairs is the appropriate word when you have like 2 hairs to your name by now!)  So, I have that down and I’ve also been singing in the shower more.  I charge admission for anyone who wants to come to my shower concert… oh, and I only sing one song and only know the words to one verse, so it’s actually a pretty boring 15 minutes of concert.  I think it’ll be good, though, to warm up my voice.  I haven’t sung much, so the higher notes (for this Alto) aren’t as smooth as they used to be when I sang all the time.  As for the CD… I’ve officially added versions of Oh, Holy Night and Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas to my list of must have CD songs.

As for the 2nd bucket list item… that is still hanging in the balance.  I’m still doing it, but when you are horning in on someone else’s vacation, I’m pretty sure it’s rude to just up and plan everything by yourself!  I think we’ll go to the porcelain doll monument and tiny teacup convention for the whole week… how’s about that, family?  😛 

I was watching the idiot box last night when this commercial came on.  When it was over, I immediately pressed record on my DVR and rewound it to watch it again.  I kind of wanted to jump into the commercial and be like those people.  It hit home for me and was quite inspiring and motivating for what I’ve been preaching to myself on this here blog for all these months.  I uploaded it to share with y’all.  Jump in, friends… let’s all take flying lessons!  🙂 

Question of the Day:  How is progress on your bucket list items coming?  Are you an emotional eater?  How do you combat that?  

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And the Winner Is…. and Other Ramblings!

I’ve drawn the winner of the bag of Chip’Ins and bottle of Fuze!  Y’all can’t even handle the suspense, can you?  Did I forget to mention that hidden inside the bag of Chip’Ins was a $1,000,000 bill?  Ooops… my bad.  Of course I’m lying… the day I find that amount of money ANYWHERE is the day I take off for the Bahamas.  See you, Sprinter!!  More on that later. 

What were we talking about?  Oh, yes… the winner of my first giveaway.  I used a very scientifical method to pick said winner, all of these logarithms and Einstein equations and…  Forget it… I’m not fooling anybody.  I made a numbered list, put all of your names next to the numbers (the people who entered on both Facebook and the blog were entered under 2 separate numbers) and then I went to Random.org and typed in for them to pick a random number between the numbers 1 and 23 (oh my laws… can I please bore you any more?  Y’all set your alarm clock for 30 more seconds and I should be done with all of this boring crap… power nap!)  The lucky number picked was number 10!!  Person number 10… step forward and claim your prize…  What’s that you say?  You have no idea how to read my jumbled mind?  The winner… drumroll….

ERICKA

Woo hoo!  Go, Ericka, it’s yo’ birfday… we gonna party like it’s your birfday!  I will send you a separate email to get your info, Ericka!  Thank you all for entering.  Stay tuned because I plan on having more giveaways… I think the next giveaway will be a doozy… my favorite pair of underoos purchased in 1997…  KIDDING!  I would never do that to you all.  You ever wonder what’s wrong with those people who give away used underwear to goodwill?  Seriously!?  Major brain malfunction. 

Next up… the weekend… this is how I spent most of my weekend: 

WEEPING!!  Only because it’s been snowing every day all day since Thursday.  Oh, the humanity!  Picture this… you’re a kid and your mom tells you that you will be going to a party… a party filled with all your friends and candy and pillows made out of chocolate pudding and genies that pop out of lanterns and grant you your favorite wish and you just so happen to be best friends with Donald Trump… and then when you get to this magical party land, you spend the whole time waist deep in cow manure.  That’s pretty much what a week of snowing during spring is like!  My mom told me I needed to count my blessings and be grateful that the sun poked it’s head out of the clouds and fog for approximately 1 hour last evening… you know what I said to that?  Cow Pucky!!  I’ll be grateful when I get 2 days in a row of no snow/cold/rain.  Take that and serve it for dinner!  Grateful my rear femur!

Meanwhile, I’ve been numbdumb eating like it’s New Year’s Eve 1999 and all the computers are about to explode in that whole Y2K catastrophe some computer geeks made up after they finished solving logarithms on their computing systems.  I was walking around in my state of anger and frustration and depression over the craptastic weather, eating everything within arm’s length.  I know I’m an emotional eater and I usually can curb that when I think long and hard about what emotion I’m having… but at this point, I haven’t cared to think about it.  I’d just rather numbdumb eat it away.  I got out last night during the 1 hour of sun peeking out of the clouds, and even though it was frigid, it gave me a chance to clear my head and remember what I’m doing here.  My brain yelled at my mouth… STOP… and hopefully that was enough to jolt it out of it’s stupidity.  I tell you what, seasonal affective disorder (SAD) ain’t here to make friends… she’s here to take prisoners!  No worries, though, I already have a plan…  I plan on calling my good pal Donald Trump to bail me out of this mess.  Donald… you hungry for some leftover Snickers? 

Put this into perspective, Whitney.  The spring fog will clear… there’s never been a time when it hasn’t!

Question of the Day:  What do  you do to lift your spirits during neverending Sprinter (aka Winter masquerading as… Winter)?

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