Tag Archives: persistence

Doubt…

I’m well acquainted with doubt. It’s weaved through my life so seamlessly that it’s a part of the fiber of my being. It’s settled itself into my head space like a giant poisonous vine, wrapping it’s tenticles into the crevices and holding on for dear life. Doubt lived in my brain when I decided to finish my bachelor’s degree 6 years ago. It shouted things like, You won’t stay motivated… you’ll be gung ho for the first 2 semesters and then it will just fizzle out like every other thing you’ve ever done in your life… but it was the thought that counts.

Doubt lived in my brain when I was laid off from my job earlier this year, saying things like, You won’t find a job that pays anything better than minimum wage… who would want to hire an obese person with anxiety, OCD, and awkward issues?

Doubt lives in my brain whenever I try to stick to a healthy lifestyle plan, saying things like, You’re going strong now, but give it a week or two and you’ll be right back where you started… history repeats itself… and you’re the most predictable weight loss/gain patient on the planet.

Doubt is a huge detractor from self-confidence and self-esteem… if you doubt yourself enough, even subconsciously, you eventually believe it. It’s also the most dangerous thing you could feed your brain on a daily basis… like shoving fried foods and sugar and all manner of crap into your body and expecting it to perform the way you need it to.

I have a few things to say to my doubt… I did graduate with my bachelor’s degree at the age of 38 this past May… it took 6 years, but I did it. While we’re proving doubt wrong, I also did find a job that pays more than minimum wage… it may not be my life’s work, but there is proof that I am hireable.

Five weeks ago I started a “healthy habits” challenge. I knew my eating and weight were getting out of control, so one day by chance I came across this challenge and immediately signed up without giving it much research. After I’d paid my fee and they’d sent me the details, my heart dropped into my gallbladder. It looked near impossible for me. There was no way I could do all of that at once and be able to stick to it… it wasn’t doable for my personality. It was also restrictive… or in my mindset at the time it was restrictive… because it meant I couldn’t continue to eat 12 pounds of candy and 500 ounces of Diet Dr. Pepper every single day of my life. I wanted to follow a plan that was on the path of least resistence just right of EasyPeasyLemonSqueezy Avenue.

Each day I get a point if I do the following: Exercise at least 30 minutes, No soda (diet or regular), No sugar (except for one time a week), get 7 hours of sleep every night (doesn’t have to be consecutive), don’t eat after 9:00 p.m., keep a food journal every day, check in with my team at least once a day, eat 5 fruits and vegetables, drink at least 64 oz of water, and pre-plan my meals. Each week they also have a bonus point available, this past week it was to use weights during your workout and a previous one was no fast food. At the end of the week we add up our points, weigh ourselves (taking a picture of the number on the scale), and send it to our group leader who then tallies the points and ranks us within our teams. At the end of the 2-month challenge, the most points wins a gift card and the most weight lost wins a gift card. I have surprised myself to all ends of the Earth. Doubt still lives in my brain like that annoying relation who has overstayed their welcome (I don’t have any of those, relations, in case you were wondering), but everyday I have this dogged desire to keep going. I have lost weight, inches, and I feel better than I have for a long time!

To keep myself motivated, I’ve decided to keep a Weight Loss Instagram account. I wasn’t sure I wanted to open it to public, but I figure why not… I have nothing to hide… as this blog has proven time and time again, I am a frigging openly embarrassing book! Take it or leave it! Anyhow… it’s called cravingalife if you want to look me up and follow along. Get thee hence, Doubt… and I mean it this time!

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You are welcome for BoBo as a 2-headed llama riding a llama! You are welcome!

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Persistence… It’s What’s For Dinner…

Y’all MUST remember that beef commercial… beef, it’s what’s for dinner!  Excuse you… this is a vegetarian blog… take your steer talk elsewhere!  That had nothing to do with anything, except to explain where I got this blog title and it really makes no sense at all, but y’all I’ve been writing this blog for over a year now and have yet to make much sense… why start now?

A few months back, we went to the tulip festival in SLC… I blogged about it here.  We were driving around trying to find where this shindig was, thought we’d found it, parked, and went into a gift shop to ask where we’d buy tickets.  The lady at the counter just stared at us like we’d pulled up in a covered wagon complete with buffalo chips hanging out our bonnets.  Obviously this was not anywhere near the right place.  No matter… Lindsay had to use the lady’s room and so I poked around the gift shop acting like I was interested in buying smelly sachets for my dresser drawer and classical music CDs.  HIGH BROW!  Little did front desk lady know how low brow I could go!

While I was perusing, I came across this plaque and I knew why I’d happened to come here.  Of all the wrong places I could have ended up, it needed to be here… right in this high brow gift shop… just to read this plaque… I’m confident of that.  It summed up in just a few short sentences what I’ve been saying all along for the last 2-1/2 years now.  Persistence, not perfection has ALWAYS been my biggest motto… and here it was staring me in the face… buffalo chipped bonnet and all!

THANK YOU!!!!!!  No words have ever given me more comfort than those on this here plaque.  Success, no matter what it is you’re trying to succeed in, has nothing to do with talent, smarts, riches, etc., but everything to do with persisting until you get what it is you’re working toward.  PERIOD.  End. Of. Story.  I was too cheap to purchase this sucker… it was like 8 billion dollars… but they’d throw in a free smelly sachet!!!  Instead, cheap wadder over here is going to make her own dang sign.  This thing needs to be hung up and reread… over and over and over.

Question of the Day:  Do you have a favorite quote that keeps you persisting?  

 

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The List…

I’ve seen this “list” on my calorizing site, MyFitnessPal on several different occasions.  It kept pulling me in and I’ve decided I’m going to bite the bullet (why in the frim fram sauce would anyone bite a bullet on purpose!?  Unless they star on that Weird Cravings show on TLC) and attempt to do it.  Obviously, I didn’t start it on the correct date seeing as today is the 10th of November.  But, I think I can double up some of the days and catch up in no time.   If anyone else wants to take the challenge with me, either use my comments below to answer the question or post the link to your blog where you answered it.  FUNNNNNNN!!!!   Or if not fun, at least self discovering and a step in the right healthy lifestyle direction.

Write one thing you love about yourself that you didn’t before.

Start me out with the hardest question of the bunch why don’t you.  Whatever happened to easing into the pot of magical witch brew!?  I feel like I’m scalding myself.  I can’t say I’ve ever thought about things I love about myself, mostly because I never felt like there was anything about me to love.  I was a big ole fat failure, counting down the days until I didn’t have to think about it anymore… because a dead person doesn’t have to think… do they?  I merely existed, going through the motions of life just because I had to… certainly not because I wanted to… and I lost years of my life living like that stuck in that pathetic little world of self-hatred and depression so thick I could cut it with a knife.  Those years bring up dark memories.  I don’t like to think about them and yet I need to… it’s all part of the healing process because this isn’t about losing weight in the sense that I’m becoming a smaller human… it’s about shedding all of the baggage that got me to the point of weighing 530 pounds in the first place.  That baggage will always be with me… always… I just have to learn how to manage it so that it doesn’t take control of me like it once did.

So, what do I love about myself now that I didn’t before?  My persistence.  I could have given up long ago.  There were numerous times when I was tempted just to say to heck with it, this is how it’s going to be, but deep down I somehow knew that wasn’t what I wanted, so I’d doggedly get back up and try again… and fail again… until one day it clicked and it actually registered in my head space that this was not some temporary thing but a lifelong process.  I wake up in the morning faced with choices… if I choose the wrong thing this day, I can wake up tomorrow and try to choose better.  When you think about it, it’s not all that hard of a concept, and yet it’s the hardest thing I have EVER done in my entire life.

Question of the Day:  What’s one thing you love about yourself that you didn’t before? 


If anyone else is participating in the List of FUNNNNN… I’m posting the whole list here for reference of what’s going to be coming up in the coming days so you can prepare, all the way to December 31st, 2011!

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