Tag Archives: Rain

Don’t Rain On My Parade…

Back when I was full of vim and vigor and frankly a load of crap… when I was just a lass of about 11 or 12, I entered a contest that the Cache Valley Mall was putting on.  It was a Mother’s Day prize package wherein a comittee would pick the best essay about one’s own mother and the mother of that essay winner would get several prizes… flowers, a session in the photo studio, etc.  I entered… and for the life of me I can’t remember what I wrote that was so fascinating because it is lost for-e-v-e-r, but I ended up winning.  Allow me to show you one of the prizes my madre reaped…

STOP LAUGHING!!!  Them dresses are madre originals… sewn by hand… lace and everything.  No matter that I look like Laura Ingalls Wilder about to accept the wagon wheel award for best haystacking.  I’m also fascinated at the fact that all 3 of us have the same hair shape… kind of like a triangular frock of corn husks… or coneheads.  And the most pathetic part of this picture?  The glasses… they don’t have lenses in them.  When I arrived wearing my regular pair of glasses… a poor 11/12-year-old going on 45-year-old with a crick in my neck, the photographer said that they wouldn’t do.  My lenses were so big that the flash from the camera would make a glare on the picture… so instead of doing what any normal person would have done (aka take the glasses off and have the picture taken without them), we traipsed down the mall corridors to Baldwin Optical and found a similar pair of frames that I could borrow for said picture.  I’m wearing an ugly pair of glassless frames, lace-frocked, coneheaded, and frankly embarrassed to have won anything!  My mom hung the gigantic-sized version of this picture on our hall wall for many years… and then one day it up and suddenly disappeared.  I don’t have a clue who would do such a thing to such a masterpiece… coughcough.

Happy Mother’s Day to my momma… your gift from me (besides the other gifts I gave you) is the re-emergence of this heart-touching picture.  It’s like a gentle reminder that we were always nerds.

***

In even less interesting news, I walked in a parade this past Saturday in the wind and rain, uphill both ways with no socks or shoes with a too-small umbrella for my gigantic head.

Coughcough… April, I stole your picture… but look at me giving you credit.  I carried this banner in my left hand and the umbrella in my right hand, and by the time I got home 4 miles later, my arms were stuck in those same positions for the rest of the weekend!   Also, I resemble the BFG in this picture (oh you all have to remember the book The BFG… Big Friendly Giant!)  Deal with it.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of my friends out there in mother land.  I respect and admire your selfless, long-suffering, hard-working ways, and I know that you are all raising/have raised children to be proud of!   I hope your day yesterday was filled with relaxation and chocolate… and love from your families.

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It’s The Most Psychotic Time Of The Year…

It’s the most psychotic time of the year
With the raining and snowing and psychos are telling you
Just drink a beer
It’s the most psychotic time of the year.

It’s the craz-craziest season of all
With those golf ball-sized hailstorms and 80s with sunshine
It makes me appalled!
It’s the craz-craziest season of all  

There’ll be tornado windstorms 
and ducklings in good form
And freezing your garden galore
There’ll be jackets and parkas 
And nekked bikinis
Oh, what do I buy at the store? 

Y’all… for serious… what’s Irving Berlin’s phone number?  I gotta ring him up and have me arrested by the lyric po-leese!  Call me, Irvy!

So, it’s that awkward season between winter and spring that I like to call Sprinter… which basically means you have to have all of your summer clothes AND all of your winter clothes stuffed in the same closet to be prepared for the violent mood swings Mother Nature passes out until at least July.  Good thing for me I have no clothes.  Nude is the new beige.  I apologize for that… I sincerely do.  It was not my intention to paint that disgusting picture in your noggin on this lovely Friday the 13th!  Just don’t walk under a ladder holding a black cat… double whammy.

So, Friday morning, it looked like this:

Then, Monday after that Friday, it looked like this:

And it was in the 70s and  I went on a bike ride in shirt sleeves at 7:00 at night…  Then, came the Wednesday after the Friday after the Monday, and it was like 40 degrees, so I skipped the bike and decided to go for a walk, except the wind started blowing and then the rain started pouring and so I grabbed my umbrella from the trunk of my car and as soon as I  opened the sucker up this huge gust of wind came around and broke the thing.  So, now I’m walking down the street holding an umbrella over my head that looks like a giant upturned cup catching the rain water and doing absolutely NOTHING to keep me dry… and then I’m wrestling with it, trying to get it to close but the wind was more interested in making me look like a dim-WHIT wrestling with a broken umbrella.  I swear to you the city bus driver even stopped his bus in the middle of the road and looked at me asking if I wanted a ride.  Too prideful to look him back in the eye, I just pretended I was catching rain water for the thirsty children in Hawaii, and kept walking.

So, it’s supposed to snow this weekend again.  Sprinter, you’re just like me during friendly hormone hoarding week… except with more violent outbursts!

Question of the Day:  Happy Friday the 13th!!  Are you superstitious?  

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Day 4: Smuggle Me a Notch…

I think it’s a rule that there will always be at least a couple of bad days in a vacation… I’d say day 4 was one of those.   It began in Syracuse, NY the night before when we had to trade cars because my seatbelt refused to work 85% of the time… which is totes ironic since there were years when I couldn’t fit a seatbelt around my bulk and now that I can, my seatbelts won’t come out of the door frame.  Frustrated me all to hades and back trying to get that thing to budge.   It was fine, though, because we were driving a Jeep Patriot and we weren’t so much fond of it.  It kind of sucked.  We traded her out for a Kia Sorento… totes an upgrade, even if the seats were all stained and looked like someone decided to have a “bring your own mud” volleyball party on the seats (see Ma… I explained it nicer like than I did on the trip).

Here she is in all her glory… with Illinois plates… hmmmm… I wonder how that worked out… coughcough!  I’d also like to take this opportunity to propose marriage to my GPS… Freda.  Oh laws, I’m in love with that thing.  I’m sorry Northeasterners, but your roads are screwed up!  😛  I couldn’t find my way out of a paper bag with them windy streets.  That’s one thing I missed about UT streets… block system is the best invention in the WORLD… look it up… you’ll find it right next to the invention of sliced bread.  Anywho, Freda saved our butts on an hourly basis.  We rarely got lost when we had the address plugged into good ole Freed.

Day 4 was spent driving… the longest travel day so far.  We were driving from Syracuse, NY to Jeffersonville, Vermont in POURING rain the whole way… THE WHOLE WAY.  This was not a friendly little sprinkle of lemony goodness… this was like standing underneath the Niagara Falls all over again.  We stopped at a rest area at one point and just walking from the car into the building 20 feet away left me looking like a weasel stuck up a crick.   It was in that rest stop that I also managed to burn my tongue on a sip of hot chocolate, drop half a cup of hot chocolate on the floor, and then wreaked havoc when I threw the rest in the garbage can because it burnt my hand.  Did I mention I was valedictorian?  Good… because I wasn’t!  It only got worse when it got darker… the roads were narrow, the rain was heavy, and we couldn’t see a dagnabbed thing.

It was with much relief that we finally arrived at our destination at around 8:00ish to check into the “Smuggler’s Notch Inn” or as I liked to call it “GET THE HELL OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!”  Oh lawsy Gertrude in a pile of cow manure, this place was bad.  It didn’t look that bad when I’d booked it on the Internet (PHOTOSHOP), but in person… laws almighty.  It was an old house with original floors that slanted toward the middle of the house… thank all that be holy I left my silk sheets and pajamas at home this time… otherwise I’d have spent the whole night sliding out of bed.  The room contained 2 twin beds and was the size of a small jail cell… oh, and there was no elevator and our bags weighed 50 pounds each… no problem.  I usually carry mine around on my head.  Cleanliness was also not a strong point… they should have put that on the brochure.  We seriously considered trying to get out of the stay and find somewhere else and even went as far as to get Lindsay on the computer back home to try to find us something.

In the meantime, it was time for dinner!  We asked the lady that checked us in where she’d recommend going.  Turns out it’s an itty bitty town with only 2 restaurants, both of which she said were fabulous.  Okay… we’ll take your word for it.  We picked the wrong one obviously because I swear to you I got food poisoning.  My pasta was nasty and the sauce on top of it tasted rancid.  I ate 2 bites and then pushed the rest of it to the far side of the plate so it would look like I’d eaten more.  Madre got pumpkin ravioli that made her want to vomit… and don’t even get me started on the dinner salads… unless you enjoy wilted spinach leaves and wilted vegetables and dressing reminiscent of liquid tar… and it only cost me $30 for my dish alone… well worth the 2 bites I had!  NOT!   Never fear… I had my bed to look forward to back at the Smuggler’s Notch Inn.

It’s a wonder I didn’t take any pictures on this day.  It was too rainy to get out to take them and I didn’t want to remember my Inn.  I was determined to get up early and make day 5 one to remember… you best believe it.  Rain behave yourself!

Question of the Day:   Have you ever had a bad hotel/restaurant experience?   Misery loves company, so let me know the details in the comments! 

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Filed under Tripping 2011: New England

Do Not Pee On Me and Tell Me It’s Raining!

Yes, I’m the classiest… why do you ask?  Family… the papers to disown my receptacle can be picked up at the courthouse… I’ve taken the liberty of signing my name so you don’t have to forge it.  😛

Meanwhile… back at the sane barn.  We bought tickets to the Sugarland concert held this past Saturday MONTHS ago… months and months and months.  Then, this happened at a Sugarland concert in Indiana 1 week ago Saturday… 6 deaths and 50 injuries due to a stage collapse when a strong gust of 70-mile-per-hour wind toppled the makeshift state fair stage.  Warning:  If you go to the link and watch the video of the stage collapsing, it is pretty heartwrenching.   (Prayers, thoughts, and hugs go out to all of those who were effected in this tragedy…)  We weren’t sure if they were still going to hold the concert in Salt Lake City on Saturday due to the gravity of the situation, but after canceling the Iowa concert last Sunday, they soldiered on minus their elaborate set and instruments which were all lost in the rubble… nothing compared to the lives lost.

When a strong wind started blowing and the rain started pouring an hour before the start of the SLC concert, I’m sure people were on edge.  It seemed very reminiscent of the happenings just a week ago… and I was sure the concert would be canceled.  Certainly, all of those involved in this tour would be extra cautious of any crazy weather.  Then, as we were walking the 4 billion miles down to the Usana Amphitheatre venue because we were too cheap to pay 20 bucks to “premium” park, we saw this:

Squint real hard like… that there is a faint rainbow in the distance… amidst the blowing wind gusts kerfuffling Lindsay’s poor mohawk to kingdom come and back, a little bit of peace… and I knew that we would be watched over.  Ironically, for a good hour the raindrops came and went… the dark grey luminous cloud directly over the venue, with blue skies on either side of it… but by the time Sara Bareilles got into her set and Sugarland came out, the weather was just right.  Slight wind to cool us down, no rain, and when I looked up to check the status of that heavy grey cloud, it had moved onto the next section of sky away from the venue.  Miracle?  Maybe…  Either way, my heart still goes out to those unfortunate souls in Indiana.

Question of the Day:  Do you believe in a higher being that watches over you?  God or a guardian angel, etc.?

P.S.  While this post was meant to be more reverent for the lives lost, I will do a part 2 tomorrow with all of the whacky happenings, more about the concert, and the fact that there were more crazy people per square inch then I’ve ever seen in my life… gotta love the concert drunkards!

Sister Lindsay and I protecting her hair from the rain droplets.  Thou shalt NOT rain on thy mohawk in public!!

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I’m Like Mary Poppins, Except Not So Much…

Since I’m doomed from ever getting any sleep until these dagnabbed Einstein Mice Critters die or move into a new window well, I guess I’ll ramble on this here blog of mine.  Just so you all know… Rodent-phobia (a phobia I just invented right now whilst listening to the scurrying) runs in the family.  There was a mouse in the house several years ago (back in the days of teenagehood) and it was a vicious sucker (by vicious I mean that it scurried around the house with no heed to the fact that 3 women happened to be screaming and standing on chairs and couches).  I didn’t sleep for 2 days straight because I was sure the thing would crawl into my mouth whilst I was asleep and burrow a hole through my skull.  I tried stuffing blankets in the crack at the bottom of my door, but that dagnab blasted mouse was like MIGHTY MOUSE… he moved them blankets with his pinky finger tied behind his back, blindfolded.  One Sunday, Lindsay and I got fed up… we were taking our sleep back!!  So far, the mouse had ignored all of our mouse traps and the geezer cat (who retired from mousing duty at the age of 10… she is now 21 and on Social Security and Medicare) was too busy inspecting her paw hairs to be of much help:

Geezer cat cannot be bothered with these Einstein Mice... She has beauty sleep to be had!

Since, obviously the Queen of the checkered blanket could not be bothered to do her actual job, we took matters into our own hands… gathered us up some rodent-trapping utensils and got on the task of catching the dagnabbed disease-carrying nose twitcher ourselves!!  You heard that right… Insane Sisters:  EXTERMINATORS by trade… or at least until the one mouse is dead.  I armed myself with a camera and stood on the highest couch possible (can mice climb couches… I might not have thought this all the way through!)  Lindsay, on the other hand looked like this:

Lindsay, The Conquerer!

No, those are not rubber gloves… they would happen to be specially designed mice combatant gloves with a special mice poison slathered on the outside.  Oh, and that white thing she’s holding would be a cup… because the mouse might be thirsty… you never know with all that free cheese he’s consumed.  So, the plan (which we didn’t really spend time thinking about), was that I was supposed to corner the thing behind the couch with my cha-chaing skillz (I threw in a few Macarena moves for good measure),  move the couch out of the way, and then she was going to scoop him up in the cup and serve him with a side of bacon for breakfast.  What really ended up happening was a lot of screaming and running away every time the mouse moved like it was Oprah’s Favorite Things Show up in that house.  I was basically pretty much useless standing on top of the couch with camera in hand.  Quality Exterminators-R-Us… anyone else need some rodent assistance? 

Finally, Dad got tired of watching the fiasco (plus his ears hurt on account of all the girlish squealing), so he took pity on us using mom’s favorite salad bowl:

That grey tail and leg poking out from the top of the bowl… that would be Evil Einstein Mouse… Mickey’s wayward cuzzin.  And then afterwards Mom made a lovely Spinach salad with endives for Sundee dinner.  Pretty sure we made Dad whack the thing against the pavement outside and then move the garbage can to the furtherest town… at least a 10-mile mouseless radius for these wusses!! 

In other news… in the present day, the rain and cold returned (not like it ever left, but there was at least a day and a half that had some sunshine last week), but I wasn’t going to let that deter me from going on my walk tonight… so I Mary Poppinsed the joint and pulled out my trusty umbrella… which would have been a brilliant idea, except the wind was blowing just enough that I still got rained on and by the time I was done with the walk my arm was cramping from holding the umbrella up for so long!  It’s really too bad that I didn’t have one of these inventions on hand:

Meet the NuBrella!!  Look how dagnabbed smiley she is with her alien space costume and her cellular phone and her business suit?  She doesn’t look Neil Armstrongish at ALL!  I showed this NuBrella invention to Lindsay and she laughed in my face!  Guess I know who won’t be giving me this sucker for my birthday.  No matter… I like scowling in the wind and rain on my walk… and I enjoy looking like Mary Poppins in a Tornado. 

Question of the Day:  Do you have a rodent/creature/critter/slimey thing phobia?  If so, what of?

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