Tag Archives: sizes

The Case of the No Good, Very Bad Gargantuan Feet Syndrome…

Yes… it’s a cross I’ve had to bear.  I blame my mother… except my mother is tall and slender and I’m built like a Mack truck on donut day at an all-you-can gorge Chuck-Up-A-Rama conference.  We both wear a size 10-1/2… which would be cool and all, but most shoe companies do not make a size 10-1/2.  They make half sizes for all of the other sizes clear up to 9-1/2, but screw you people in the 10s!  You will be forever cursed with wearing shoes that are either a tad bit too small or a tad bit too large… a 10 or an 11… them’s are my choices.

If that was my only problem, I’d be lying.  I was also born with my dad’s very tender, sensitive feet.  The kind of feet that couldn’t walk on a bed of cotton balls barefoot because it would feel like a bed of glass shards.  I never go barefoot.  Not in the house, not outside, not at the beach (I never go to the beach, but this is beside the point!)… I simply do not like green eggs and ham.  And don’t get me started on those somewhat dressy shoes they sell with the sole the thickness of a paper towel.  Them things are like strapping ice skates to your feet UPSIDE DOWN!  Then if my shoes are ill-fitting and I try to maneuver the world in the ill-fitted shoes with my tender sensitive clodhoppers, it’s like throwing a whale out of the water and telling him to crawl back into it.  It don’t work, Sam!  I’m sure you can all relate to every last one of my analogies this post.  I tell you, I stayed up late putting these suckers together.

So, the point of this post, if there ever is one, is that buying shoes is like trying to find the elusive Bigfoot.  I need new shoes.  I’m hobbling around on a pair of slippers (I call them slippers, they are actual shoes… my slippers have to have a hard sole) and then another pair of shoes that I’ve pretty much worn down to the threads… and I can feel every pebble I step on through.  The week after Christmas I went out to do my least favorite thing… shoe shopping.  I figured there might be some fairly good-ish deals the week after Christmas… and let’s face it… I’m a cheap wad.  After visiting several places and trying on several shoes in the sizes of 10 and 11, I was not impressed… the 10s were a bit too small and the 11s a bit too big… where the helium balloons is my Goldilocks moment!?!?!?  I finally settled on a pair of 10s… thinking maybe I could get them to stretch out.  I just got around to wearing them out and about this past Saturday… and they were horrid.  I will be selling them on eBay STAT!  It was like a Chinese torture chamber up in them hoppers.  My feet could not breathe and I swear I have an abscess on the back of my Achilles tendon from where the shoes rubbed through all day.  BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD!  Hey shoe companies… throw a large clodhopper chic a stinking bone over here.  Humor me with the size 10-1/2, will ya!?

In other news… people with actual real problems are roaming the Earth and I’m over here rambling for 12 hours about feet!  Carry on with your lives, friends!  😛

QUESTION OF THE DAY:  Anyone recommend a nice, comfortable, fairly non-ugly brand of shoes for everyday wear?  



Filed under Life

I’ll Take The Biggest One You Have…

The saga of the pants continues.  If this keeps up, I’m going to have a whole dagnabbed pants soap opera to pitch to the networks.  As The Pantyhose Turn… Days of Our Pants… General Pants-pital… all destined to be major hits, don’t talk back to me!  Since I haven’t liked really any of the pants I’ve tried on in stores around town (they all fit… it’s just I am super self-conscious about the bane of my existence… no need to focus more attention on that sucker), I decided to go the online route.  Old Navy was my first stop and I got this huge-mongous box full of pants in the mail last week.

I have a history with clothing and sizes.  For several years I’d just have to order the largest size they had (in the extended sizes… which is one up from the plus sizes which is one up from the misses sizes which is one up from the people who wear sizes 0 through 3 which is one up from the invisible people section).  I just ordered the biggest size they had without thinking and without measuring and then crossed my fingers that it would fit.  Sometimes it would… a lot of times it wouldn’t, which is a horrible feeling when you can’t fit into the biggest size the catalog offers in the extended sizes!!  Not that many stores even offer extended sizes anyway, so I always had to purchase from specialty stores who specialized in making tents on the side.

Shopping Old Navy online a few weeks ago, I went right back to my tried and true, buy the biggest size they have in the pants section… truly not optimistic that I’d even be able to pull them up past my knees.

That just goes to show me how skewed my perception of myself is… and how I’m still stuck in the land of 530-poundville.  The pants, all of them, were too big… all of them were the regular jeans/nonstretchy pants that I’d never ever  been able to wear in the past, but I still couldn’t fathom that I’d be able to wear them… even 230+ pounds later.

I don’t know if a change in the way I see myself will gradually come as I get smaller… and I hope that it does… but at this juncture I still can’t see the changes in my body when I look in the mirror.  I think I’m a special case in that I had so much to lose that a lot of my bulk is hanging skin (TMI ALERT… oops warned you too late, didn’t I?) and so there is no real way to see any body shape under all that hanging flabness… which is frustrating on one hand… but on the other hand, I just need focus on the fact that I am lighter than I used to be.  I finally went and did my measurements for the first time in a year… there were inch to inches lost in pretty much every area… most notably the 5 inches off of both my waist and the bane of my existence… it’s shrinking… slower than a turtle at a Tar Convention… but shrinking nonetheless.  Sit down, shut up, and be patient…  Meanwhile, guess I have to return these pants and think about ordering smaller.  Brain space… work with me here!

Question of the Day:  What is your dream pants size?  The size you’d be happy at?  

Happy weekend, friends!  Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do… in prison!  😛


Filed under Nonscale Victories