Tag Archives: Twoberland

Milestone SLAYED: Twoberland!

Excuse me whilst I jig like a balding, drunken Irishman!  Y’all WISH you could see me jigging.  It’s a sight, I tell you what.  Notice I never said it was a good sight.  Again, like the jogging… my jigging is really called jiggling.  Shut up, Whitney.  Seriously now.  Every once in a while you just have to say that to me.  Otherwise, I can be like one of them rambling drunken jigging Irishmen.  There I go again.

Yesterday morning’s weigh in brought with it a milestone.  A milestone that was a LONG time coming.  I’m usually not one to tout accomplishments… I always used to think people would think I’m vain if I’m proud of something I’ve done.  So, I usually play things off as if they are no big deal.  And I think I need to change that way of thinking.  Milestones need to be celebrated and touted… they need to be celebrated because it spurs the person on… lights a fire under their receptacle and makes them want to work even harder to reach the next goal post.   It also can do a heckuva lot to motivate other people.  If that weird jiggling chic can do it… I can too!  

For anyone who has read this blog more than once, y’all know my story.  I started this journey weighing 530 pounds… basically a death wish waiting to happen.  Then, one day the fire was lit underneath my receptacle and I got to working and I worked hard, slaying those beasts one day at a time… and I conquered those 500s and made it into the 400s… and I was proud.

I kept moving along, tripping, stumbling, and conquering and before I knew it I was saying farewell to the 400s… hasta la vista 4s!  And I was proud.  The 3s seemed to last forever… a neverending road of peaks and valleys and several sewer hole fallings… and I thought I’d never see the end…  When I woke up yesterday morning, I saw a 2 in front of my weight for the first time in my entire adult life.  A TWO!  The last time I’d seen a 2 in front of my weight, I was 14 years old, weighing on a scale in my parent’s bathroom in the midst of one of my many “die”ts.

Today I’m saying farewell to the 3s and embracing these dagnabbed 2s with open arms.  Twoberland… I think I’ll like living in you for the next little while… but not forever… Onederland is the next destination on this map of mine… and I have no doubt that I’ll get there one day.

This is for my pals who are in the 3s, 4s, and 5s… the rest of you can go take a nap or play a game of parcheesi, whichever flips your dress up in the air.  It can be done, friends.  Hold your heads up high and keep on marching through that jungle… you’ll find your way.  My motto has always been two-fold… One day at a time… and Persistence, not perfection!  Get you a ticket to Twoberland… it’s a beautiful place.

Marchin’ On by OneRepublic

There’s so many wars we fought,
There’s so many things we’re not,
But with what we have,
I promise you that,
We’re marching on,
(We’re marching on)
(We’re marching on).

Right, right, right, right left right,
Right, right, right, right left right,
Right, right,
We’re marching on.

We’ll have the days we break,
And we’ll have the scars to prove it,
We’ll have the bonds that we save,
But we’ll have the heart not to lose it.

This is probably 100 pounds off my highest weight... don't have any of those pictures!

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I See You Twoberland!

Is it normal that I wake up in the morning to earwigs crawling on my face!?  No?  THANK YOU!!  My thoughts ex-freaking-actly!  But I did… the other morning I woke up because it felt like I had lice throwing a barbecue in my hair follicles… (side note before you decide to call the Department of Health or the men in white coats:  I DO NOT HAVE LICE!) and then it felt like they decided to hold a Viennese Waltz competition on my forehead.  Much to my delight, it turned out to be 2 adorable earwigs scurrying around trying to get in their bug to-do list.  Of course, I stayed calm and then gently placed them outside so they could scurry off to meet up with their earwig buddies.  NOT!!!!  I nearly ruptured a disk trying to get those things off of me… gathered them up in 52 paper towels (if you only use one you get earwig guts on your fingers… ask the Bounty people), and then flushed the suckers down the toilet… (side note… I still have nightmares that all the bugs I’ve flushed down the toilet over the years are going to resubmerge one day and get revenge by biting me on the receptacle… all at the same time!)  Wuss you say!?  Heck no… I’m a survivor… and a warrior… don’t get no creepy crawly thing within 5000 steps of this chic… I’ll scream it’s ears out.

That’s beside the point.  It’s officially been a week since I started preplanning my days food wise… trying to jolt some sense into my cranium holder and scare the criminy pants out of this plateau I’ve been having for like 2 months.  It’s been a pleasure, plateau… but we’re moving on!  Preplanning happens to work… no matter how much I want to belly ache about the effort that I have to put into sitting down and writing out all of my meals and snacks beforehand, figuring out the calories for each food item, and tallying them up… it works.  And, I don’t know if it’s some brain trick, but it actually feels as if I’m eating more, when in actuality I’m eating fewer calories since I’m no longer throwing in 5 extra spoonfuls and grazing through the cupboards before each meal.

How do I know it’s working?  As of Saturday, I’ve lost 5.5 pounds since Monday bringing me to a total of 222.2 pounds lost.  See you 10s…  Note to Whitney’s cranium holder… those results will NOT be typical… thank you water weight.  That’s cool and all, but it also brings me within single digits of that ever elusive reaching of the 200s (or as I like to call it… Twoberland!)  I’ve never seen a 2 before my weight my entire adult life… the last time I remember seeing a 2 in front of my weight I was 14 years old, weighing myself in secret in my parent’s bathroom at 286 pounds.  Fourteen was many moons and pimples ago, and here I sit, just 8 pounds from reaching those 200s.  Most folks think geeking out over weighing in the 200s is psychotic… nobody aspires to weigh 299 pounds… but when you’ve visited the 3s, 4s, and 5s, the 2s are a blessing.

I’ll totes be having a par-tay on that day!  BUFFET STYLE!  (Oh… maybe that’s not the best use of my cranium holder.)  Okay… maybe not buffet style, but I’m going to do something… maybe I’ll buy a nation or master rubbing my stomach and patting my head at the same time… ooo… OR… and this might be the winner… I’ll figure out what exactly they put in a Twinkie to make it survive for thousands and thousands of years!  Either way, that’s a milestone worth celebrating.  It’s funny… the weight loss surgery didn’t get me to this point… all of those infommercial diet ads didn’t get me to this point… Weight Watchers, Richard Simmons, gym equipment, and the thousands of dollars I’ve spent on that crap over the years didn’t get me to this point.  What did?  Sheer will and hard work.  Forget those easy ways out… they don’t exist.  Strap on your work boots and get ready to dig in… it’s gonna be a long road!

Question of the Day:  What was your last milestone (either weight loss wise or just life in general)? 

 

 

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