Tag Archives: winter

Yep, I’m Boring…

I have nothing news-worthy to blog about this week… okay, I never really have anything that news-worthy to blog about any week, but I still manage to yammer for a decade.  I’m serious this week.  It might be more exciting to watch hot tar run down a driveway.  Let’s see… Saturdee I bought myself some new socks and a toothbrush… it was blue… the toothbrush, not the socks.  Aside from that… I worked, read 8 bajillion pages in textbooks, drooled out both sides of my mouth, and pulled at least 12 hairs out whilst trying to write Italian dialogue.  My professor told me to quit using Google Translate on my homework… uh, I didn’t… but apparently that’s how talentedly bad I am at it.  It doesn’t work to translate directly she says… and that is why I won’t be an Italian Prime Minister… well, that and every other reason you can think of.

On Saturdee, there was the deer who decided to scare the bejeebers out of me by eating shrubbery 2 feet from my noggin…

I heard this rustling/scratching noise whilst reading one of the aforementioned textbooks and thought it was LucyFur scraping up the furniture again, so I turned into Tyrannical Trudy and began yelling at her to stop.  Turns out she wasn’t in the room, but this dudette wanted to join me for tea and crumpetts (great, Bambi… you bring the tea and crumpetts).

Speaking of LucyFur, she’s adopted some more annoying habits of late… aside from the waking Whitney up 12 times a night and scratching at the furniture in her cabin fever-induced state.  There’s usually construction going on on the back canal bank these days (have I mentioned how much I love the changes they are making!?  Because… NOT!)  She hates the rumbling big truck noises and feels the need to warn the villagers every time there are loud truck rumblings and noises… and to do that she just makes more noise on top of the noise by meowing at the top of her lungs for an hour until it stops.  She’s like Lassie, except no one has been saved from the well with her efforts.  She’s also inherited my OCD qualities by having to knead around the entire edges of whatever she wants to lie down on… case in point…

Did you fall asleep?  I told you!  That was only half of it, she did knead around the entire other side before I pressed record.  You are welcome!  Become an OCD baker, LucyFur… bring in some income!

Have a great week friends… guess what… It’s February next Monday!  HALLELUJAH!

Baby BoBear pictures of the week:

He says… Give me a cookie!!


Filed under School, Uncategorized

Brain Seizing…

You know those people who go to a class/lecture/church and they sit in the wayyyyy back and try to blend in with the curtains and the wall paint so they don’t get asked questions?  Poster child at your service!  I’ve never been a class participater.  I’d prefer to sit and listen rather than be invaded by the anxiety-ridden/ADD brain I get when having to actually say something outloud.  Unfortunately, the Professional Writing course I signed up for is NOT cool with the drapery camouflaging idea… seriously… stop it.  In fact, the professor even added participation into the grading.  So, written assignments account for 33% of my grade, tests and quizzes account for 33% of my grade, and class participation accounts for 34% of my grade!  Basically that means I get to sit through the 3-hour class every Tuesday night like a mental patient about to climb the camouflaged walls!   A night in the life of my brain.

Whitney’s Brain:  Okay, when should I say something and how should I word it?  What if I say a wrong word that doesn’t mean the right thing and everyone thinks I just dropped off the turnip truck on Friday?  I can’t think of anything intelligent.  What if I talk about donuts? Nope… that sounds dumb.  Also, Whitney… do not do those huge sweeping arm movements you do when you’re trying to talk outloud… it looks psychotic and like you are auditioning for the synchronized swimming team.  It smells like bacon in here.  If a pig were fed bacon, would he be considered a pig cannibal?  I hate bacon but I sure do love Charlotte’s Web… because that’s almost about bacon but not really… it’s a prize-winning pig.  Although, if I ran into a talking spider I’d have gone all ape crap on it with a book and a thousand pieces of toilet paper.  

Professor:  Whitney, what are some ways that writing in the workplace is different than writing for school?

Whitney:  Wilbur the terrific pig was approximately 2 more movie hours away from becoming a bacon cannibal.  

Social anxiety is like the barbecue pits… but literally!  Also, that’s why I’m taking a WRITING class because I’m so much better at expressing my thoughts on paper than I am by mouth.  Things just get all jumbled up and I can’t string together a coherent thought when that happens.  It’s a wonder I even know what’s going on up in that class with all this talk about cannibalism.  😛  It’s also hard to blend in because there are only 10 of us in the class, so it’s not like they won’t notice if you never say anything.

This will be my learning experience.  I will learn to conversate in a class setting about cannibal pigs with the best of them!  You bet your sweet bacon!

Meanwhile… I miss my daily woggercizing!!  Winter only has a few more months, right?  Instead of woggercizing, I’m trying to do exercise DVDs/Wii games, except I’m not the most coordinated individual on the planet.  I did the Dance Dance Revolution Wii game and instead of following the dance moves because I literally cannot get the moves down, I just flail around like a seizure patient.  At least it’s movement and exercise.  I need other options, though!

Question of the Day:  Any recommendations for winter exercising/exercise DVDs?  I’m willing to take any suggestion!  

PPS –  Congrats to my cuzzin JenJen and husband Seth on the birth of their 2nd son, Blaize!  I can’t wait to meet the feller next month, y’all!  Clear out the bacon drawer! 


Filed under Exercise, School


I sure do hope y’all had a spectacular holiday week… a few more days to go and then it’s basically January for the next 6 months.  BRING IT!  Except I am more fond of February than January, so can I just call the next 6 months February until it thaws out and turns into June?  Okay?  Good.

My cat, Lucy-Fur already has cabin fever.  She runs around like an insane asylum enrollee on a regular basis. She misses her usual jaunts outside where she becomes one with the coyotes… except the friendly coyotes… and instead annoys me for 7 straight months.  I just kicked her out to use the bathroom (what’s a litterbox?  I will not own one of those… so any cat living with me must learn to use the giant outdoor litterbox.), after she decided to try to climb the shower curtain while I was in the shower, but guarantee within 10 more minutes she’ll be in my window well begging me to open the door.  It’s 7 degrees out there right now… that’s a veritable heat wave!

Here’s the part of her day where she waits for me to get the laser out so she can chase a little red dot like a mad thing.  Anyone have a kitty-sized strait jacket I could borrow for all 6 months of February!?

Meanwhile… we have a tradition that we try to eat fondue on Christmas Eve every year.  This year we got a bit lazy, and instead of making actual fondue, we bought this stuff at Sam’s Club where you can stick it in the micro-oven for 30 seconds at a time and melt you some chocolate to dip fruit and other deliciousities in.  We totes messed it up this year… and by messed it up, I mean it turned into dog doo rather quickly.

Video proof… I mean… who wouldn’t want to come to dinner!?  Anyone?

I also tried to get a family Christmas picture in front of the Christmas tree but by the time these 2 approved the picture they were in (just one more… I look like a pasty snowman… just one more… my head looks like it’s possessed… just one more…) everyone lost interest and left and I only got the 2 pickiest participants!

It’s no wonder we never do family pictures… besides the reason I refuse to be in one… but that’s beside the point.

Happy New Year this week, friends.  Party it up… and enjoy your 6 Februaries!


Filed under Christmas

Shuffling Ice Syndrome and Breath of Heaven…

I couldn’t decide which title to use, so I inappropriately used both of them.  Shoot me.  Neither one goes with the other, but I have ADD… give me a break… oh look, a shiny penny!

Now that my favorite season of all the seasons is here full force, which is winter… NOT… I find myself adopting a new mechanism for walking outside… and by walking outside I mean literally in parking lots and/or from the car to the house… not like exercise walking.  You couldn’t pay me 8 billion dollars to get me out woggercising with ice on the ground!  AIN’T HAPPENING!  The reason being?  Almost a year ago to the very day is when I was standing out in the driveway, still as a dead, frozen mouse, when all of a sudden my feet slipped out from underneath me and I broke my right wrist.  What followed was one of the most miserable winters in all of existence… and now… I find myself shuffling like an old lady, approximately 2 feet per hour and grabbing anyone’s arm who happens to be walking near me.  I get anxiety when I think of having to walk on or near ice because ice is deceptive… you think you’re sure footed and before you know it you’re lying on your back seeing drunken dancing sugar plums in front of your eyeballs.

It’s quite entertaining to watch… for everyone but me… and I’ve adopted chanting how much I adore winter (opposite day) and how I’m going to move from winter as soon as I can afford to.  You best believe it.  Save me that shack in Arizona nearest the ocean!  😛   I even dug out the clutz Christmas present I got from my sister one year.  These rubber majiggies that you stretch over the bottom of your shoe that are supposed to provide traction.  I wore them into Kneaders on Saturday evening, got one of the spikes caught in the carpet, tripped, and the thing came flying off my shoe and some poor chic who was trying to eat a sandwich in peace had to stand up and show me where my flying rubber spike had landed.  Thank all that be holy it wasn’t on someone’s eyeball!

I best get over it.  I start classes again on January 6th and I will have to navigate the icy USU campus for at least 4 months.  Meanwhile… who has a spare spike-studded walker I could borrow for 4 months?  😛  Oh, and a Valium.

As for the 2nd title… Merry Christmas this week, friends.  I hope you all get to spend some time with family and friends and get to remember the real reason for the season amidst the Santa parts.  As my gift to you, here’s a practice recording of my Madre and I singing “Breath Of Heaven,” one of my favorite Christmas songs.  Mary’s point of view, but also a prayer we could all use for a trial we may be going through.  MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

As a side note… you can ignore in the background the TV being turned full blast because we were too loud.  Story of my life… my family is SO over me singing… moving on, folks… nothing to hear here!   Also, this isn’t meant to be a visual video… since the only thing you get to see is Mary’s stomach… I wasn’t so great at aiming the camera… or remembering the lyrics in the 3rd verse… or… eh well.

I have traveled many moonless nights
Cold and weary with a babe inside
And I wonder what I’ve done
Holy Father, You have come
And chosen me now to carry Your Son

I am waiting in a silent prayer
I am frightened by the load I bear
In a world as cold as stone
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now, be with me now

Breath of Heaven, hold me together
Be forever near me, Breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven, lighten my darkness
Pour over me Your holiness for You are holy
Breath of Heaven

Do you wonder as you watch my face
If a wiser one should have had my place?
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of Your plan
Help me be strong, help me be, help me

Breath of Heaven, hold me together
Be forever near me, Breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven, lighten my darkness
Pour over me Your holiness for You are holy

Breath of Heaven, hold me together
Be forever near me, breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven, lighten my darkness
Pour over me Your holiness for You are holy
Breath of Heaven, Breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven



Filed under Christmas, Life

Et Tu, Pillows?

I’m having a major pillow issue lately… it’s like pillow-ocalypse, except less interesting… and less ocalypsy.  So, basically it’s nothing like an apocalypse and more like a boring rendition of Monopoly on a Sunday night… except I’ve yet to pass go and collect my $200.  Follow me?  Me neither!  What the heck is up with that anyway!?

Back when I weighed 530 pounds, I had sleep apnea.  For those of you not enlightened by this fabulous disease, it basically means I stopped breathing briefly several times throughout the night… most likely because fat blobules were blocking my airway when I was lying down.  So, I had to sleep with a loud obnoxious-sounding oxygen machine in my room, wearing a nasal cannula and I had to prop pillows up at the head of my bed so that I could sleep at an incline.  I got used to sleeping that way because I slept that way for YEARS… and eventually it got to the point that if I didn’t have my inclining pillows, I wasn’t sleeping.  Fast forward 200 pounds lost and now I no longer have sleep apnea and no longer sleep with an annoying oxygen machine the size of a small galaxy in my room… but I can’t give up the pillows.  I just cannot get comfortable if I’m not at an incline and if I lie down flat, I have this irrational fear that I may suffocate during the night.  Work with me here, Pee Wee!

I’m also a germ-a-phobe, so I buy new pillows every 6 months (they usually are flattened out by that time anyway), and then have to spend a few weeks conditioning these new pillows to be comfortable in my pillow fort of psycho.  My current batch of pillows ain’t cutting it and I wake up every morning with a massive crick in my neck and a sore back.  Not to mention the pillow cuss out session I have every morning.  Lame pillows who don’t know how to do their jobs!

After several weeks of cricking necks and cussing ornery mornings, I finally gave in and was on a mission to find some new pillows.  I found some yesterday and so far… I hate them.  It’s still too early to tell but these buggers refuse to conform… kind of like Madonna during her cone brassiere phase… except less nasty.  I refuse to give up.  I may try beating these newbies with a baseball bat, see if that gets their attention… and if not, there are a bunch of rocks outside I’m sure would be a step up.

Question of the Day:  Pillows… any recommendations?  Are you a back sleeper, side sleeper, etc.?

Welcomed winter today… in the middle of fall.  I’m planning on buying the weather system a calendar for its birthday.  I’ll be sure to mark the correct snow dates with red marker.

Meanwhile, if you want to find where Lucy-Fur is, you just have to know where the latest sun patch is.  She literally follows the patch of sun all day.  I wish I was a cat… taking up all the room in my sun patches!


Filed under Life

Oh Durrr…

Thank you all for the kind words and congrats… I seriously think y’all are the BEES KNEES!  I don’t know what that phrase means… call up the assisted living center and ask them.  For those who were asking, the production is April 8th through 11th.  I am not sure where yet.

Also, just to clear things up since I don’t think I was very clear in yesterday’s post… I was clear in my mind but I sometimes forget y’all don’t live in my mind.  I somehow made it look like I was joining the production of Les Miserables!!!  This production is a LOCAL production of Michael McLean’s production, so dude is not involved at all… well, except for the fact that he wrote the material.  Just to clear that up.  So, basically it’s like that movie, The Greatest Christmas Pageant Ever, but without pageants and Christmas… and camels.

Meanwhile… there was blue sky and sunshine today and after I fainted from gleefullness, I actually went outside on a dagnabbed walk!  It was cold (3os), but I ain’t seen blue sky in the longest of times… it made me happy… and I can take all the happy I can get!  Plus, exercising is a good thing… ask Richard Simmons.  Now, snow… listen here… MELT!

Have a fabulous week, you Bees Knees friends of mine!


Filed under Exercise

Oh Please, Robert J. DeBry and Associates…

Firstly, thank you all for the comments last week.  The advice was much appreciated!  Y’all are some quality folks, I tell you what!  Secondly, I am so gosh durn happy that we made it through the horrid month that was January, I’d totes be willing to continue this broken arm thing for another 6 months or so!  That just happened to be the biggest lie I’ve ever told in my entire blog existence!  next time let’s switch it up and go for a broken eyelash… much better, CoverGirl!  Bring on February!  And if the groundhog could be right this year, I’d really appreciate an early spring… please and thank you!

Countdown to cast removal?  FOUR DAYS!!!!!!  I’m having senioritis and I’ve almost pulled the thing off myself approximately 80000 times the last few days.  I could pull it off myself… I’ve gotten my hand down past the wrist point, but I will wait and give them the sawing satisfaction!  After that I get a brace and physical therapy… which unfortunately does NOT mean fruity drinks and chaise lounges.

I’m pretty much mostly excited that I won’t have to duct tape a garbage sack to my arm everyday just so I can stand in the shower with my arm raised above my head to prevent waterlog!  It’s the little things we’re all about up here in this joint… even if Madre found Justin Bieber duct tape for me to use.  (side note:  I will never live the fact that I’ve mentioned Justin Bieber too many times in my blog down!  Of course I have always done it in a joking teeny bopper fashion, but now suddenly my name is synonymous with crushing on the pocket sized pint who reminds me of my nephew… NO THANK YOU!!)  I could crush him with my thumb, but that’s another blog post.

In other news… insurance companies suck (sorry Madre, insurance agent extraordinaire!)  I got a note from my health insurance saying they’ve released the total amount to self-pay (pocket change at $12,000).  Why, you might ask?  Because I somehow experienced a car accident when my wrist was broken and so the health side thinks the bill should be paid by the auto insurance side.  LAWSY, you cheap wads!  After many calls and arguments between both sides of the insurance spectrum, I’ve learned that in Utah there is some law where if you are touching your vehicle at any point of injury, the auto insurance is supposed to be liable for up to $3000 under the personal injury protection clause… blah, blah, blah.  And since I was scraping the ice and snow off my car windows when I slipped on the ice and fell on my butt, that applies to me.  I ain’t no crystal ball or anything, but I’m predicting many more phone calls to clueless insurance people in my future!  They’ve given me so many conflicting answers, I could write a book… all comes down to poor training in the call centers… period!  Rober J. DeBry and associates… I’ll give you a ring… we can sue my car and/or the patch of ice I slipped on.

I’m going to practice my punching maneuvers during physical therapy… watch your back Progressive and Blue Shield… I’m not afraid to break a fingernail or 4 in the process!!

QUESTION OF THE DAY:  How are you all doing?  Any fun stuff going down in your lives?  49ers or Ravens… or commercials?



Filed under Uncategorized

Survival Mode…

Yo yo my abandoned friends!  It is I, one-armed wilted woman here to visit my severly neglected blog!  I feel like since the holidays and specifically since I broke my arm, I have been in lamebot survival mode.  Meaning, I have just been doing the amount necessary to get through a day.  Everything takes 3 times the amount of patience and time to get through and I feel like I don’t want to add any extra to my plate.  Translation… I ain’t done no excercise, food logging, or brain using for over a month!  The pounds I have gained will need to come off and stat… and I need to get into a better routine, but I feel like I am in limbo waiting for my arm to magically heal.  I don’t know where I can find the balance when everything seems to be a time sucker with one hand and I am hoping I will be able to fall back into my previous habits when the cast comes off for good and I start to be able to use my hand again.

On the arm front, my bling has been removed! HALLELUJAH, GERTRUDE!  I now have industrial strength stainless steel toothpicks for visiting dinner guests… who wants to come for dinner?  The nurse who took my cast off so that my pins could be removed asked me if I wanted to keep the nasty old cast and I said Hell No!  She obviously  has no clue about my psychotic ways.  Too bad for her.  I initially said I didn’t want to keep the pins but I ended up taking them home in a test tube anyway.


I may have overexaggerated the size… but they were annoying suckers anyway… and the doc pulled them out with pliers like we were having shop class at the country club!!

I was going to post pictures of what the pins looked like sticking out of my skin but then I remembered that some people may be like me and have weak stomachs, so instead I will leave the links and those who are curious can click on it and those who are not can go on eating their lunch in peace.  My x-ray chic was 32 kinds of fascinated as she told me this was the first time she had seen someone with pins sticking outside the skin… that’s comforting.

This one makes me ill… but I get ill looking at a garbage can full of meat scraps!

Withered arm… new weight loss method?  Now, I just need to look into getting me one o’ them full body casts… or at least one that covers my lower half!  It is amazeballs how gross and dry an arm gets when no lotion is involved!  Especially in the winter!

The plan going forth?  I am back in a cast… purple again… I’m such a creature of habit it ain’t funny.  I am supposed to wear that until February 7th at which time they will put me in a brace and start physical therapy… aka torture!!!  I tried clipping my fingernails on my left hand with my broken side and couldn’t even manage to make a dent… it’s going to be a process!

There have literally been ZERO picture-taking opportunities in Cache Valley the entire month of January unless you enjoy looking at an inversion so thick you could call in sick on a daily basis from emphysema!  So these are from December sometime.  Did I mention how much I loved winter yet!?  😛

Not so much!

QUESTION OF THE DAY:  Any tips on transitioning from survival mode to kick butt mode?  How do you do it?


Filed under Calorizing

Adjustment Period For Wusses…

Approximately 8 billion years ago when I was a teeny bopper of 15… all full of awkward teenager hormones and excessive zit cream (and the difference now would be?), I broke my left wrist whilst rescuing a baby pomegranate from a ravenous gildabeast (aka tripped when cross country skiing).  At that time it was my left arm and it did not require surgery, but even so I was sure that I never ever wanted it to happen to my right arm ever!  That was my worst possible nightmare for many years, that I would not be able to use my right hand and I thought of it often, horriblizing it before it ever happened…. because that’s what I do,  Whitney Worry Wart.  So, when I broke my right wrist 3 1/2 weeks ago, I was sure I couldn’t handle it.  There are a lot of things I won’t go into detail about that require the use of only my right hand.

I learned the lesson that anything can be handled and it isn’t as bad as I had horriblized it to be.  Don’t get me wrong, it ain’t a dream…but things are much better than they were 3 1/2 weeks ago.  I am able to do things with my left hand with a bit of modification.  It may not be my ideal way to do them…I am pretty particular and love my routine and hate straying from it…but I can do it and that’s the moral I have learned to this point.

I may forget this when my wrist is all better so I thought it would be a good idea to get it down in writing… kindof like a baseball bat to the head when I get Alzheimer’s.

Count down to pin removal is 4 days if all goes well.  I am convinced that 95% of my discomfort, irritation, and pain is due to the 3 gigantic metal rods sticking out of the skin on my wrist… rubbing against my bones, hitting nerves, and getting caught in the fibers of my cast and bandage wrapping so that will be a huge improvement in my opinion… BRING IT!  After that I will still have to wear a cast but I have convinced myself that it will be like living in Bermuda after living in Antactica for 4 weeks.

Hope all is well with all of you sweet friends.  Keep warm because I can’t in this below zero weather!

QUESTION OF THE DAY: Do you find yourself horribilizing situations? Or do you more go with the flow?

We get a lot of deer visitors throughout the year but these young fry decided to make themselves more at home.

Here they are sizing up their beds…maybe we should charge the going hotel room rate.

They sat there for a good hour in the snow in single digit temps…no thank you!


Filed under Uncategorized

It’s The Most Psychotic Time Of The Year…

It’s the most psychotic time of the year
With the raining and snowing and psychos are telling you
Just drink a beer
It’s the most psychotic time of the year.

It’s the craz-craziest season of all
With those golf ball-sized hailstorms and 80s with sunshine
It makes me appalled!
It’s the craz-craziest season of all  

There’ll be tornado windstorms 
and ducklings in good form
And freezing your garden galore
There’ll be jackets and parkas 
And nekked bikinis
Oh, what do I buy at the store? 

Y’all… for serious… what’s Irving Berlin’s phone number?  I gotta ring him up and have me arrested by the lyric po-leese!  Call me, Irvy!

So, it’s that awkward season between winter and spring that I like to call Sprinter… which basically means you have to have all of your summer clothes AND all of your winter clothes stuffed in the same closet to be prepared for the violent mood swings Mother Nature passes out until at least July.  Good thing for me I have no clothes.  Nude is the new beige.  I apologize for that… I sincerely do.  It was not my intention to paint that disgusting picture in your noggin on this lovely Friday the 13th!  Just don’t walk under a ladder holding a black cat… double whammy.

So, Friday morning, it looked like this:

Then, Monday after that Friday, it looked like this:

And it was in the 70s and  I went on a bike ride in shirt sleeves at 7:00 at night…  Then, came the Wednesday after the Friday after the Monday, and it was like 40 degrees, so I skipped the bike and decided to go for a walk, except the wind started blowing and then the rain started pouring and so I grabbed my umbrella from the trunk of my car and as soon as I  opened the sucker up this huge gust of wind came around and broke the thing.  So, now I’m walking down the street holding an umbrella over my head that looks like a giant upturned cup catching the rain water and doing absolutely NOTHING to keep me dry… and then I’m wrestling with it, trying to get it to close but the wind was more interested in making me look like a dim-WHIT wrestling with a broken umbrella.  I swear to you the city bus driver even stopped his bus in the middle of the road and looked at me asking if I wanted a ride.  Too prideful to look him back in the eye, I just pretended I was catching rain water for the thirsty children in Hawaii, and kept walking.

So, it’s supposed to snow this weekend again.  Sprinter, you’re just like me during friendly hormone hoarding week… except with more violent outbursts!

Question of the Day:  Happy Friday the 13th!!  Are you superstitious?  


Filed under Exercise