Tag Archives: weight loss

Doubt…

I’m well acquainted with doubt. It’s weaved through my life so seamlessly that it’s a part of the fiber of my being. It’s settled itself into my head space like a giant poisonous vine, wrapping it’s tenticles into the crevices and holding on for dear life. Doubt lived in my brain when I decided to finish my bachelor’s degree 6 years ago. It shouted things like, You won’t stay motivated… you’ll be gung ho for the first 2 semesters and then it will just fizzle out like every other thing you’ve ever done in your life… but it was the thought that counts.

Doubt lived in my brain when I was laid off from my job earlier this year, saying things like, You won’t find a job that pays anything better than minimum wage… who would want to hire an obese person with anxiety, OCD, and awkward issues?

Doubt lives in my brain whenever I try to stick to a healthy lifestyle plan, saying things like, You’re going strong now, but give it a week or two and you’ll be right back where you started… history repeats itself… and you’re the most predictable weight loss/gain patient on the planet.

Doubt is a huge detractor from self-confidence and self-esteem… if you doubt yourself enough, even subconsciously, you eventually believe it. It’s also the most dangerous thing you could feed your brain on a daily basis… like shoving fried foods and sugar and all manner of crap into your body and expecting it to perform the way you need it to.

I have a few things to say to my doubt… I did graduate with my bachelor’s degree at the age of 38 this past May… it took 6 years, but I did it. While we’re proving doubt wrong, I also did find a job that pays more than minimum wage… it may not be my life’s work, but there is proof that I am hireable.

Five weeks ago I started a “healthy habits” challenge. I knew my eating and weight were getting out of control, so one day by chance I came across this challenge and immediately signed up without giving it much research. After I’d paid my fee and they’d sent me the details, my heart dropped into my gallbladder. It looked near impossible for me. There was no way I could do all of that at once and be able to stick to it… it wasn’t doable for my personality. It was also restrictive… or in my mindset at the time it was restrictive… because it meant I couldn’t continue to eat 12 pounds of candy and 500 ounces of Diet Dr. Pepper every single day of my life. I wanted to follow a plan that was on the path of least resistence just right of EasyPeasyLemonSqueezy Avenue.

Each day I get a point if I do the following: Exercise at least 30 minutes, No soda (diet or regular), No sugar (except for one time a week), get 7 hours of sleep every night (doesn’t have to be consecutive), don’t eat after 9:00 p.m., keep a food journal every day, check in with my team at least once a day, eat 5 fruits and vegetables, drink at least 64 oz of water, and pre-plan my meals. Each week they also have a bonus point available, this past week it was to use weights during your workout and a previous one was no fast food. At the end of the week we add up our points, weigh ourselves (taking a picture of the number on the scale), and send it to our group leader who then tallies the points and ranks us within our teams. At the end of the 2-month challenge, the most points wins a gift card and the most weight lost wins a gift card. I have surprised myself to all ends of the Earth. Doubt still lives in my brain like that annoying relation who has overstayed their welcome (I don’t have any of those, relations, in case you were wondering), but everyday I have this dogged desire to keep going. I have lost weight, inches, and I feel better than I have for a long time!

To keep myself motivated, I’ve decided to keep a Weight Loss Instagram account. I wasn’t sure I wanted to open it to public, but I figure why not… I have nothing to hide… as this blog has proven time and time again, I am a frigging openly embarrassing book! Take it or leave it! Anyhow… it’s called cravingalife if you want to look me up and follow along. Get thee hence, Doubt… and I mean it this time!

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You are welcome for BoBo as a 2-headed llama riding a llama! You are welcome!

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The Definition Of Hope…

Sometimes I get into a mood where I woe is me way more than my tiny violin can handle. Woing is only helpful if you have someone who doesn’t mind listening to the woing, and since that’s not a thing in anyone’s world and definitely not mine, let’s move on past the woing and onto the doing! I got into one of those moods last night… I blame it on near-midlife crisis or at least that’s what the tiny violin I sat on suggested. I’ve been thinking since (DANGER!!) about why I get up every day and I guess I came to the conclusion that I must have hope that one day something will go my way. I determined that has to be the definition of hope, starting over every day hoping to stumble into that pot o’ gold at the end of the rainbow. I guess hope also comes with the desire to work towards the things you want to be better or else the hopeful feeling would be squashed pretty fast.

I’m a rambler… kind of like Kenny Rogers, except he was a gambler… so basically not at all the same except that me and Kenny rhyme… and if you have no clue what I’m talking about you should be ashamed of yourself and need to immediately buy Kenny Rogers’ greatest hits and get yourself schooled, yo!

To sum it up… get up everyday, start over, work hard, and have hope. I guess if we have that in our lives, we’re pretty much set to do anything.

I needed a swift kick in the butt in the eating department this past week (exercising went well, but you cannot outrun a bad diet), so I found a coupon and I’m going to try a weight loss meal delivery service for a week or two. I cannot afford more than that, but I figure a few weeks would give me a good jump start into better habits and 3 square meals plus 2 snacks per day instead of my usual preference of turning into Bessie the Grazing Cow Family. Y’all stay tuned… I will blog about my experience as soon as my first week gets here in the next few weeks.

Meanwhile, how is everyone else doing? Successes? Things to improve upon? Happy First day of spring y’all! If that doesn’t give you hope, I don’t know what will!

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LINDSAY’S UPDATE:

Hello long lost friends! We took a week off. We are back!

Update: I am down 13 pounds and I am 5 pounds away from my goal. Then I will set a new goal for myself. How are you guys doing on yours?

This week I am taking on a 5-day workout challenge that one of those following the blog, Chelsea shared with me. It is on Youtube. The workout is on FitneseBlender and it is the 5 Day Challenge. It is 5 days of workouts that last about 1 hour. I am excited to mix up my workouts. I am getting bored of P90X3. So it is time to have something else to look forward to in the workout arena. It will be challenging and is only 5 days!

SO this week, I would challenge each of you to mix something up in your daily routine for 5 days! Whether it is decrease your carbs, increase protein, add weight lifting whatever it is and give it a shot!

Good luck!

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BoBo found some “dear” friends of his. Get it… deer/dear!? Oh stahp!! BoBo has also been really sick with some yucky stomach bug so send him positive vibes y’all!

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Fat-Shaming: The Last Acceptable Prejudice…

I have always hated the word “fat”.  When people would call me it as a kid/teenager/adult that dreaded hay fever eye burning would immediately cause welling and I’d have to run and hide until the crying jag would pass.  Tender heart?  Thin skin?  Wimp?  Maybe…  Why does a 3-letter word stating truth bother me so much?  I never figured that out as a kid or as a teenager, but as an adult, I had a brief moment of clarity one time (brief is the key word when used in the same sentence as clarity with me) and it hit me like a runaway turnip truck.  It’s the word “fat” used in the following way that I can’t take.

You are fat.  

She is fat.  

I am fat.  

Except… I am NOT fat… I have fat (enough to feed a couple of small villages in Africa)… but I am not my fat.  I also have boogers, but I am not boogers!  It’s ridiculous when you use boogers in that way… and yet fat gets batted around like a Mike Tyson fight at an Ears, Nose, and Throat Doctor Convention.

I’ve let that word define me for so long it’s sometimes hard to see/know who I really am.  I am a daughter (of God and my parents)… a sister… a friend… a cousin… an aunt… a person.  At times I am big-hearted, kind, funny, hard-working, talented, smart.  At other times I am stubborn, bull-headed, anxiety-ridden, impatient.  I am someone worth knowing.  I am more than my outside appearance.  I am Whitney Lyn… the good and the bad all rolled into a giant ball of fluff and heart.

But I am not fat.

A few months ago I happened upon a 2-part docuseries called Fat and Back.  The lady on the show (I hate to use her name because it only gives her more publicity but for the sake of anyone’s curiosity, her name is Katie Hopkins) openly and proudly claims she hates fat people.  She would not hire a fat person to work for her… she would not be friends with a fat person.  In her mind, people who have fat are put into a category one tier beneath people with plague and Robert Durst.  The purpose of her documentary was to prove to fat people that they are lazy losers who should be able to lose weight like it weren’t no thing.  So, she set out to gain something like 40 pounds in 3 months. The 2nd part of her Loser-mentary was her trying to lose the weight over the course of 3 months.  Proof to no one but her ignorant self.  If losing weight were just about the trite calories in versus calories out diatribe, we’d all by Cindy Crawford on Nutrisystem.

She has failed to take into account the “why”.  Why people gain weight is the biggest hurdle to jump over… and even when you think you’ve figured out the why and have cleared said hurdle, it can all come crashing down on you.  Having fat is my lifelong cross to bear… and it’s not because I am lazy or I am purposely sitting on my aspercreme amidst a pool of Mallomars every night.  It’s because of my “why”… and my why will be a lifelong struggle.  It’s my biggest trial and I accepted it before I came down to this Earth.  I told God I would take it… and He knew I could handle it… because He doesn’t give us more than we can handle.  The difference between our trials is I wear mine on the outside… yours you may be able to bury deep inside… and if I can find a way to bury mine deep inside, I’ll have invented the last “die”t drug this world will ever need.

My plea is that we as a society stop thinking of fat-shaming as an acceptable prejudice.  We’ve all done it.  Looked at someone walking down the street and commented on their size/shape… but have we ever stopped to realize that there is an actual person with feelings and hopes and dreams living beneath that burdensome exterior?

I will never be accepting of my “fat”… I’ll forever wake up each morning ready to start anew on the journey to the svelte woman in my imagination… but in the meantime, you all can call me Whitney… not fat.

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Uncomfortableness… the New Beige…

This weekend while I was hacking up all 5 lungs, wheezing like a wheezer song, and trying to breathe out of a quarter of a nostril (stupid re-infected cruditis), I determined I’d watch an episode of Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition to help boost my fresh start desires… aka try to keep myself from holding up a Twinkie factory.  Plus, I like that Chris Powell dude… he’s a smart dude and he isn’t too horrible to look at either.

On this particular episode, there was a lady from Las Vegas.  She was pretty gung ho about wanting Chris’s help in the beginning.  So much so, that in order to be taken on as a client, she walked several miles and up 5 bajillion stairs just to get the chance.  For those not familiar with the show, it’s set up that they follow these people for 1 year as they transform their lives.  It’s set up in 3-month increments where at the end of each increment, they weigh themselves to see if they’ve hit the goal they’ve been given.  The first 3 months, they live in Colorado at a hospital, where they learn about nutrition and exercise, so it’s a pretty controlled environment.  At the end of those 3 months, they are sent home to take the journey in the real world.

The first 3 months, you could tell she wasn’t confident, but she made her goal.  The 2nd 3 months at home, she was less confident, but I believe she still made her goal.  Then the 3rd interval hit… months 7 through 9.  The polish had fallen off the newness of it all and she started skipping exercise sessions, not eating what she should be eating, and then lying about it all.  Chris and his wife, Heidi, tried to change the out-of-control freight train of inevitable weight gain by inviting her back to Colorado to train with them once again.  She reluctantly (and more angrily than anything) packed her bags and came back, only to half-heartedly work her way through exercise sessions with a bitter anger brewing beneath the surface.

Chris confronted her… and what he said to her hit home like a ton of bricks at a Britney Spears concert… You’re afraid of being uncomfortable!  Afraid of the way your legs hurt and it’s hard to breathe when you go all in at an exercise session.  Afraid to feel the feelings of sadness and anger instead of stuffing them down with a Ding Dong (do they make those any more?).  Afraid of being uncomfortable!  In a nut shell… that’s what this life all comes down to.  To advance at anything in our lives, we’re going to HAVE to feel freaking uncomfortable at some points.  It’s the newness of it all that makes it uncomfortable.  The trick is to keep doing the uncomfortable thing until it becomes comfortable to us… and that’s when it’s time to take it to the next level… when it becomes comfortable.

How many times have I not exercised because I didn’t want to get sweaty and/or hated huffing and puffing and burning legs?  How many times have I stuffed my face to feel better about something that has given me anxiety or made me mad?  How many times have I been afraid to be uncomfortable?  Too many to count.

Thank you, Chris Powell for making me realize that it’s part of life… that uncomfortableness… and unless I want to sign up to become a dust bunny in the basement, I best learn to celebrate that uncomfortable feelings bring about stronger men and women.  The Twinkie factory can wait.

Oh, and by the way… the Las Vegas lady… she quit the journey… she was afraid of the uncomfortable and let it get in her way of accomplishing what she wanted so much in the beginning.

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Fresh Starts…

I’ve been thinking today, aka procrastinating my homework, about how thankful I am that we live in a world where there are fresh starts.  As much as I mess up and fall off the neverending railroad track toward success, there’s always that little bit of hope glimmering in the distance… and it’s not lost forever just because I lose my way or fall down… it’s still mine if I want it bad enough.  I was thinking this way in regard to what this blog started out as… my journey to lose 5 people and a horse whilst finding myself along the way.  I had a pretty dang good method going for a few years and I understood what it took and I was focused on where I wanted to go and just how to get there, but then life happened… and things cropped up that took the place of the other things… and I lost my confidence and I got discouraged… and I found myself back at that place that I didn’t know how to get myself out of… back to that person of long ago… the one who just sat by and let things happen to her.  She didn’t control the steam engine and she didn’t know how to turn the key anymore.  It was stuck in the off position… or the idle position because there were times where I’d attempt to right myself.

The truth is… I miss that person… that go getter… the one who took the lard sauce by the horns and steered it in the right direction.  I MISS HER.  It’s overwhelming to me sometimes to think that I had it down… and then I somehow lost it… and forgot how to get it back.  If I could be any more vague in my wording of this post, I’d be crowned Miss Vague-y of the Decade… the lesser known sister of Miss America!

So, while I was thinking of all this stuff today, I got out a pen and a paper and I wrote down Whitney’s Rules For Re-Kicking the Patookus Into Gear… and then I got all gung ho and excited and was raring to go.  Cut to 3 hours later and I felt a sense of overwhelmed horror… I can’t do all of those things perfectly all at the same time… I might as well not do anything.  Been there.  Heard that before.  It’s not realistic to expect myself to hop onto the train tomorrow morning and become conductor, usher, candlestick maker, and baker all on the same day.  It doesn’t work like that.  I could post my list of 55 things I swear to all high heaven I’m going to do, but then I need to tackle them one at a time… adding a new item every week or two or three… because that’s more realistic if I want to be nice to myself along the way and gain that self-esteem that is supposed to be the end all be all of everything stress relief… because I checked… Wonder Bread doesn’t sell the self-esteem starter kits next to the Twinkie aisle anymore.

I’m going to write out my list here… a list of the things I need to get back to doing on a regular basis, but contrary to today’s earlier plans, I’m not going to start them all tomorrow.  I’m going to pick off one at a time like I did back when I owned it.  If anyone sees my train puttering down the track, wave but don’t call the mechanic… she’s just slowly working on loving herself again!

1 – Exercise:  Cardio: At LEAST 30 minutes 3 times a week.  Weightlifting:  Two times a week.
2 – Food logging:  MyFitnessPal.
3 – NO SCALE!!  First weigh-in tomorrow morning, but then focus on the way I feel rather the number on the scale.  Weigh-ins will only happen once a month to make sure I’m moving in the right direction.
4 – Cut down on sweets/sugar.
5 – Make a list of alternative things to do when I want to emotionally eat.  (i.e. use stress relieving techniques, chew gum, brush teeth, etc.)
6 – Make a menu and grocery list once a week.  If it’s not on the list, it doesn’t go in the cart!
7 – Make a list of acceptable healthy snack alternatives rather than go-to easy crap!
8 – Incorporate new veggies/foods into my regular stuff.
9 – Read positive quotes/stories/scripture at least once a day.

My plan is to use jars and pebbles to keep track of my successes.  For the days I exercise/log food properly, a pebble goes into the jar… when I fill up a jar with a certain amount of pebbles, I get a non-food reward, predtermined.

Ready.  Set.  Go…  You got this!

T

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Extremes…

You know how when you have 8000000000 things to do, including 800000000 things of homework, but instead you sit in front of the computer staring at cute animal pictures for 3 hours and get nothing done!?  Welcome to my world… but darnit if that cat riding the donkey weren’t cute!

I’m in the midst of participating in the DietBet extravaganza, where I put money into a pot with a bunch of other participants and then work to lose 4% of my body weight in a month!  What was I thinking!?  Actually, I have to say… if you’re a cheap wad like I am, this is the best kind of motivation.  Ain’t no way I’m gonna be losing 50 precious bucks to some stranger in Maryland, so darn tootin’ I’m going to be sticking to that eating/exercise plan like Bieber Fever fans in front of the courthouse.  I will always refuse to call it a “die”t because those don’t work.  It’s calorizing… less calories in… more calories burned with exercise.  End of story.

I’ve been impressed at my willpower the last 2 weeks… it’s been as strong as a…. uhhhh… thing that is strong.  I’m having trouble stringing thoughts together in this brain of mine tonight… so pretend like I’m being all eloquent and queenly and such when in reality Beavis wrote this here post.  It pays to be frugal!

In the meantime, this is old news since it happened on Tuesday of this past week and in this day and age something’s old news before someone famous gets arrested.  Did anyone watch The Biggest Loser finale?  I have to admit I didn’t watch this season.  I watched the first episode and then I watched the finale because it’s always fun to see what the contestants look like after weight loss.  This particular season finale has been wrought with controversy!  The winner, Rachel, lost 60% of her body weight in just a few short months’ time.  She went from one extreme, overweight to the other extreme, underweight.

This was Bob and Jillian’s (2 of the 3 trainers) reactions when she first came out.

She admitted that all she did from the time she got home from the ranch until the day of the finale was do cardio exercise 24/7.  I guess no one can blame her, though.  The premise of this show is jacked up.  Some competetive people will go to all sorts of extremes to win a quarter of a million dollars when it’s dangled in front of them.  I can’t imagine, since her weight loss happened over the course of a few months, that it was in any way healthy weight loss, but she has her a quarter of a million dollars now… so that’s all that matters… right?

It’s kind of like they trade one addiction (food) for another (extreme exercise).  I wish her the best.  She seems like a sweet girl and I hope she has many years of happy in her new body.

Question of the Day:  Did anyone watch the Biggest Loser finale?  Thoughts?  

PS – If you are reading this, my friend, Audrey… I just wanted you to know that I am sending you thoughts and prayers and hugs during this difficult time.  I’m sorry for your loss and hope you will be surrounded by those you love.  Take care, sweet lady.

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Advice…

Listening to doctors for 8+ hours a day, I sometimes get free medical advice.  Okay… rarely.  Okay… more like once every 10 years.  Mostly, I just diagnose myself with some horrible incurable disease whilst listening… and then I Google my horrible made-up disease and I start preparing my insurance papers.  That’s normal… said the invisible man wearing Mukluks and a tu-tu in my brain.  One time a dermatology doc gave me advice on a cream I could use for the horrible black splotches underneath my eyes… tired-eye syndrome?  So, I wrote it down 5 years ago and am just about to buy it this year… except, now I can’t remember the name of it and I’ve lost the piece of paper I wrote it on.  You see… that’s the kind of advice that changes a person’s flibflabbed life!

My latest advice was from a particularly long-winded doctor, one who makes me laugh on a daily basis (the laughing is dependent on how frustrated I am with him that day).  He gives some gem-worthy tidbits, let me tell you what.  For confidentiality purposes, I will keep this vague, but the other day he gave some great advice on losing weight and I done incorporated it into my daily regimen.  The advice?  If I have the urge to eat something, I should hold my hands, and then I’ll be able to easily do it (lose weight).

Well, I’ll be blast me a rocket ship, Merle.  Is that all!?  All these years of slaving and missing the mark and the answer was in my very hands the whole time!  Only one problem, I can still pick up a Snickers bar and stuff it in the ole yapper whilst holding said hands because I’m talented like that.  Oh the humanity!  It’s a gift… what can I say?

Now, maybe he left out a few phrases… like chopping said hands off with a machete and/or duct-taping them to a flag pole.  Who am I kidding, I’d just learn to use my feet instead.  Sorry, doc… we fat folk have us some talents you aren’t going to be able to tame.  Maybe it’s a good idea I never bought that black under eye cream… I hear it’s tastee on a bagel.

Question of the Day:  What’s the craziest weight loss scheme you’ve heard of?  

 

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